Love Goes On
by PMakepeace98
Summary: What if Tris let Caleb go into the weapons lab? Caleb dies, Uriah wakes up from his coma, and they move back to Chicago to start a new life. There will be ups, downs, fluff, love, parties, and so much more. But will everything be okay in the end? Read to find out. Fourtris. Uristina. Sheke. Cara/Matthew. I don't own Divergent. Slight bad language, and some adult themes. T/mild M.
1. Goodbye, Brother

Love Goes On

Chapter 1: Goodbye, Brother

I watch as Caleb makes his way to the weapons lab, knowing that I probably won't see him again. Tears blur my vision. I just said goodbye to the only family I have left. Biologically anyway.

I replay our conversation over and over again in my mind:

 _"_ _I hope you have a good life, Beatrice. With Tobias, and your friends. I'll watch over you, always, so will mum and dad. Make sure to make me an uncle one day as well, continue the Prior family. Just not too soon. You're only sixteen." I smile sadly, and so does he._

 _"_ _Okay, Caleb. I love you, and I forgive you, for everything."_

 _"_ _I love you, too. I'll say hi to mum and dad for you, okay?"_

 _"_ _Okay."_

 _And we hug._

 _"_ _I'm sorry this is how it has to be, Beatrice. But don't let my death be in vain, have a good life, and when you have a chance to do something you want to do, take it."_

 _"_ _I will. Goodbye, brother."_

 _"_ _Goodbye, sister."_

 _Then he goes._

I wait for a few minutes before turning and walking to where we said we'd meet the others when they get back from Chicago. Tears line my cheeks as I walk. As I walk I watch as people change and look confused.

He did it.

Caleb did it.

He's dead.

I cry even more now.

I get to where Cara, Matthew and George wait for me. Everyone else went to Chicago. Cara holds me in her arms as I cry. It's now that I understand how she truly feels about Will's death. I want to know how she could forgive me for what I did to Will, but she says nothing.

"Tell Tobias that he'll know where to find me." I say as I pull back from the hug.

She looks confused. "What?"

"Don't worry about it. He'll know where I am." And I walk away.

I enter the room where Tobias and I got over my fear and I collapse onto the sofa in a puddle of tears.

I just cry.

…

I hear the door opening and closing and it's only a few seconds before Tobias has crouched down in front of my face, looking at me sadly. I wrap my arms around his neck and his go around my waist, he picks me up and sits down with me on his lap. I cry into his chest.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm your family now. I always will be. I promise. I'm not going anywhere. I love you."

"I love you, too."

I'm still crying. I can't not cry. My brother is dead. My parents are dead. So many of my friends are dead. Uriah might not make it. So many people I have cared about, or loved, have died, it makes me wonder how Tobias is still here, with me. Alive. It makes me wonder how he hasn't left me for someone so much better than me. He doesn't deserve me. He deserves so much better. But I'm not going to leave him. I need him.

He places a kiss on the top of my head gently. So gently that it's as if he thinks I'll break if he did it any harder. And I probably will. I know I'm broken. I know I'm breaking even more now. I've seen too much. I've done too much. I've lost too much. And I know I have PTSD. But it will get better, right? Things will get better?

But I know one thing. I will always have Tobias with me. No matter what. And we'll be okay. We'll mend each other. I know we will.

…

Tobias and I are making our way to the cafeteria for dinner. We are walking hand in hand. My cheeks are sore from the tears, probably red too, but I don't care.

We enter the large room to find our friends sitting at our usual table. Christina rushes over as soon as she sees me and wraps me in a hug.

"I'm sorry. Where were you? I was worried."

"It doesn't matter. I'm going to be okay. Let's go and get something to eat." She nods and we sit down. I sit in between Chris and Tobias. Cara, Zeke, Hana, Matthew, Amar, George and a weirdly cheerful Peter are all here with us as well.

"Hello, I'm Peter, what's your name?" Peter says, holding out his hand for me to shake.

"Uh, I-I'm Tris." I say, shaking his hand once.

"It's nice to meet you." I just nod in response.

"What's going on with Peter?" I whisper to Tobias.

"Oh, that. I gave him some memory serum, he wanted it. He doesn't remember anything."

"I thought you were giving it to Marcus or Evelyn?"

"Yeah, I was going to give it to Evelyn, but she decided to choose me instead of power. So I didn't give it to her, she wants a chance to be my mum again. Though I did tell her that she'd have to accept you, and she was surprisingly okay with that. She and Marcus made a peace agreement. She has to leave the city for two and a half years, and when she comes back she isn't allowed a role in the government. Marcus is allowed to do whatever so long as he doesn't assume a role in the government. He's not going to try and be a real father though. And even if he wanted to I probably wouldn't let him." I nod. I'm glad Evelyn wants to try and be a mother to him again, even if I don't like her and she doesn't like me, but I swear if she does anything to upset him again I will kill her.

We spend the rest of dinner making small talk. Not really being in the mood for anything else. We decide to go and see Uriah afterwards. Peter went back to the dorm though because he doesn't understand what's going on. And Matthew, George and Amar didn't really know Uriah that well so they went somewhere else.

When we get there we get the biggest shock of our lives. Uriah is sitting in his bed, awake, smiling his usual goofy, childish grin at us.

"Uri!" Hana yells happily as she embraces her youngest son.

"Hey mum. Hey everyone else."

"I thought you were in a coma." Hana cries.

"Yeah, I was. But I woke up not too long ago." Then we all hug him, smiling like idiots. "Guys, I need to breathe." We all let go of him but we're still smiling.

We sit around and talk, a bit cheerier than we were at dinner.

…

A week later and I am still mourning over Caleb. Once the death serum had cleared Matthew went into the weapons lab and got his body to take to the morgue. I saw him, on my own. His pale, lifeless body, laid on the table in front of me and I cried, saying how sorry I was for everything, and telling him that I forgave him over and over again. Then we cremated him and I have his vase of ashes in my bag, ready to take home, to Chicago.

Uriah got out of the hospital yesterday and today we are going home. Tobias and I are going to be living in his old apartment in Dauntless. Hana is going back to her place. Zeke is going back to his and Shauna's apartment. Cara's going back to Erudite, Matthew will be staying there with her, but not in the same apartment of course. Amar and George will be getting an apartment together in Dauntless. Uriah and Christina are getting an apartment together, turns out they were actually dating before Uriah got hurt, now they're back together again and want to live together.

We're all okay. We're all coping.

Tobias explained to me that they're keeping the Faction system, but it's not going to be like it was before. The Factions still have their primary things, like bravery, selflessness, kindness, intelligence and honesty. But they'll be going back to how they used to be. They will work together in harmony. There will be mostly new leaders. I believe Jack Kang will still be leader of Candor, and Johanna is still going to be leader of Amity. But the other Factions will choose new leaders next week.

Also, 'Faction before blood' no longer exists. You can move freely between Factions to see family and friends, but once you have chosen a Faction that is where you will live and work for the remainder of your life. Sixteen year old still have to do an aptitude test and choose the Faction they want to live in. But there are no more Factionless. If they were there because they're a criminal they are either being kicked out of the city or being put in prison. If they are there because they simply didn't fit in they are retested and can choose a Faction, they get a week of training before they can become a full member and have to get a job and what not. If they have kids their kids become members of whatever Faction their parents choose and at the age of sixteen they are able to do a test and choose what they want for their lives. No one will be made Factionless anymore and people from all the Factions are working together to rebuild that sector and anything else that needs rebuilding so they can be nice homes, shops, schools, restaurants, offices, workplaces, playgrounds, or whatever.

The city is going to get better.

And so will life, hopefully.

…

Tobias and I arrive at our apartment to find it in the same shape it was in when we left it. Though it is dusty since we haven't been here in a while.

We clean around and pack our things away. I put my brother's ashes in the bottom of the closet, where I can still see it but it isn't clear. We sit on the sofa in the living room, cuddled together.

"Do you think life is going to get better?" I ask him.

"Yeah, I do. I think we're going to have a wonderful life. You, me, our friends, maybe even some kids one day."

"Do you want kids?"

"Yeah, one day. But not now. Though, I will always be scared of becoming my dad."

"You won't be anything like him, Tobias. You're kind, caring, loving. You're more than that man could ever be. You have the capability to love, he doesn't. You wouldn't ever even think about hurting me or our children. You're going to be an amazing father one day."

"You're going to be an amazing mother one day."

"Not yet, though."

"Not yet."

"I love you, Tobias."

"I love you, too, Beatrice."

"I thought I said only on special occasions?"

"It is a special occasion. The war is over and we're finally home. We can start the rest of our life, together, now."

"Okay. Fine. It's a special occasion."

And I kiss him. And he kisses me.

I do believe that life is going to get better. I will always miss my family, and the friends I lost. But when I'm with Tobias, and everyone else in our family, I know that I'll be okay. We'll be okay. We can have a good life, together. All of us. We can mend each other. We can help each other. We can be there for each other.

I really do believe that things will be okay.

 **Hey Ravens. Hope you enjoyed the first chapter of this new fanfic I had in mind. It's just of Fourtris' life had Tris let Caleb go into the weapons lab instead of her. This might be a long-ish fanfic. We'll just see what happens. And don't worry, not many bad things will happen. I promise. It will mostly be happy, fluffy stuff.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	2. The Start of a New Life

Love Goes On

Chapter 2: The Start of a New Life

We arrived back in Chicago yesterday, and today everyone that had a job goes back to doing whatever they were doing, and those of us who were initiates get to choose a job. But here's the thing, I don't know what to choose. I could help Bud reopen the Tattoo Parlour. I could work with Tobias in the Control Room. I could work in a shop. I could be a nurse and let my selfless, Abnegation, side out.

I don't know.

Tobias left for work an hour ago and I am walking to the Pit to pick my job. I find Christina and Uriah on the way and we walk together.

"So, what job are you thinking of taking?" I ask them.

"I was thinking of being a nurse." I'm surprised she doesn't want to work in a shop or something.

"I was going to work in the Control Room with Tobias and my brother."

"What are you gonna do, Tris?"

"I don't know."

When we get to the Pit we see the board with all the available jobs on that we can choose. Harrison is standing there, monitoring it. We walk over and I let Christina and Uriah pick their jobs first. Then Peter picks his, he wants to be a fence guard, to make sure the people that come to the city aren't carrying anything dangerous or whatever. People can move freely in and out of the city now.

Now it is my turn to pick a job.

I walk to the board, tap my name which is at the top, and then look at the jobs available to me. None of us lot can become a leader since they want people with two or more years of experience in the Faction to take those jobs. So when the voting starts we won't be chosen. Which I'm okay with. I wouldn't want to be a leader anyway. But there are still so many options.

Nurse. Waitress. Tattoo artist. Shop assistant. Chef. Piercer. Fence guard. Police officer. Entertainer. Shop owner. Midwife. Nursery nurse. Control Room worker. Personal trainer. And so much more.

I don't know. During initiation I never really thought about what job I would choose if I made it. I was trying to focus on passing initiation. Then there was the war and I was focussing on trying not to get too many people killed. Then we were in the Bureau and I was focussing on other things.

God, help me out a little please.

If I become a nurse, or a midwife, I can help people, like my family did. I can be selfless. I can maybe learn to forgive myself for everything I have done because I will be helping people live instead of killing them. If I work in the Tattoo Parlour I can get my mind over Tori's death and continue her legacy. If I work in the Control Room I can be with Tobias all the time, and help when there is crime.

I don't know.

But I do know.

I tap what I want to do on the board and turn to face my friends who are smiling at me. We walk away and I think about what I have chosen. Is it the right choice? Well, it better be.

…

Christina and I are in a café, in Dauntless, she's drinking coffee and I'm drinking hot chocolate. It's not the one where everyone goes to eat breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's a different one that is just for hanging out in.

"So, have you and Tobias gotten over your fear yet?"

I blush and look down, suddenly interested in the table.

"You have. Oh my god. When?"

"The night before Caleb went into the weapons lab." I say sadly.

"So that's why you weren't in the dorm. I was wondering where you two were. Where did you do it?"

"That doesn't matter. How about you and Uriah? What's going on with you two?"

"Well, we're doing really great. I kinda feel guilty though, and I know he does as well. But I think I really love him, you know. More than I did with Will. Though I have known Uriah longer than I did Will." Now it's my turn to feel guilty. "Tris, stop feeling guilty, I forgive you. And hey, I don't really think that Will and I would have worked out in the end."

"Why? You two were perfect with each other."

"Well, it's just, I didn't really know if what I was feeling for him was love. Now that I'm with Uriah I feel more for him than I ever did with Will. I mean sure, Will was a really nice guy and all, but it was different. I just don't think we would have lasted. We didn't have what you and Tobias have."

"What do Tobias and I have?" Now I'm more than curious.

"True love. I mean, honestly, the way you two look at each other is just so sweet. I can tell how much he loves you, and how much you love him. When we arrived back at the Bureau and he couldn't see you anywhere, he was so worried that you had gotten hurt or something, then Cara told him that he would know where you are and he just legged it. And when you went to Erudite he was so bloody scared, Tris. He was honestly panicking at the thought of losing you. He was in tears and I've never seen him cry before. I know you guys fight sometimes, every couple does, but you really do have true love. And I know that he never wants to upset you, or hurt you, or anything. I also know you don't want to hurt him either. I know you want to protect each other, and love each other until the day you die. When you told everyone you killed Will, I was beyond upset, and angry. But then I realised that what him and I had wasn't going to last because we didn't have what I see in you and Tobias every day. We didn't have true love. We loved each other, sure. But it wasn't the kind of love that you have, it wasn't the kind of love that I'm hoping to have with someone one day."

I smile sadly at her and she does the same back to me.

"You know I'm never going to stop feeling guilty for killing him and everyone else I killed, right?"

"I know. I also know I'm not going to stop feeling guilty for whoever I killed. But we can get through this, together. You, me, Tobias, Uriah, Zeke, Shauna, all of us. We can help each other."

I nod and take a sip of my drink.

We can help each other. All of us.

…

I am sitting on the sofa, in mine and Tobias' apartment, with my knees tucked up to my chest. My arms are wrapped around them and my head rests in them.

I hear the door click open and closed, and I look up to see Tobias looking at me. He comes and sits next to me.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, I'm just thinking about everything. How was work?"

"Boring, as usual, but having Zeke there made it better. What job did you choose?"

"Midwife. I, uh, wanted to help people to kinda help me get over the deaths I caused, but I didn't think I could handle being a proper nurse. This is Dauntless so there's bound to be some gunshot wounds and whatnot that would probably make me think of, well, everyone who I shot or saw get shot. I don't think I'll be able to handle that. So I chose to be a midwife. Also, I love babies, so that kinda factored into the decision as well."

"I think you'd be a wonderful midwife." He tucks a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. "When do you start?"

"I start training tomorrow but I won't be able to actually work for about a month. But it's good pay."

"Well, good luck."

"Thank you. Good luck working with Uriah as well as Zeke."

"Please tell me he didn't choose Control Room work."

"Oh, he did."

"Damn it. Now I have to work with both brothers. We won't get any work done."

I laugh and he joins me.

"It's not as if you do much anyway, you just sit there and look at a computer screen all day."

He look slightly offended at this.

"Hey, it's a very important job, we look out for crime and when we see something we tell the police what happened and where it happened." His hand is playfully over his heart, but he's laughing.

I haven't felt this happy in so long now. But I guess it's the start of a new life and things are going to get better. Things are going to look up. For all of us.

 **Hey Ravens, how are you? Hope you enjoyed this chapter.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	3. Mental Breakdown

Love Goes On

Chapter 3: Mental Breakdown

A month and a half passes and I'm now a midwife. Have been one for two weeks. My boss is Hana, Zeke's and Uriah's mum, she's also the one who trained me. I've been there to midwife many babies being born, and I have many pregnant patients counting on me to bring their children safely into the world. But it's a rewarding job. I enjoy it. Also, I get to look after cute babies, and that's a plus.

The new leaders were chosen five weeks ago. Tobias is one of them, he thought he'd do it so he can provide a better life for me and for our kids if we have any. I only work four days a week (Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday) unless I'm called in on the weekend because one of my patients have gone into labour. And he only really works if he has a meeting, other than that he spends time at home, doing paperwork or whatever. We got a bigger apartment though, and a car, and we get more points, which is the pay system. To be honest I don't really need to work since he gets enough points for us both, and more people to live. But I need to work to take my mind off everything. Bud is another leader, but in his spare time he works in the tattoo parlour. Then there is Harrison.

We've all been okay, I suppose. We could be better but the war is still fresh in our minds, along with the people we lost. Christina and Uriah are healing each other. Zeke and Shauna are as well. Tobias and I are trying to. Nearly every night I have a nightmare. Ones where I watch the people I care about and complete strangers die over and over again. Ones where I watch the only people I love left in my life die and get hurt over and over again.

It's unbearable.

But Tobias is always there. After each and every one of them. Comforting me. Helping me. Holding me. And I'm thankful for it.

I know there's something wrong with me. I barely sleep. I don't eat much to be honest. And everything that's happened to me, everything that I've done, is constantly in my mind. I know its PTSD. I know its depression. I know it's something. I know Tobias is worried. I know everyone is worried.

I try not to let everything show at work, and I think I do a good job of it. But I'm acting. Most of the time anyway. I'm only not acting when I've just delivered a baby successfully, when I've told a happy couple whether they're expecting a boy or a girl, or more, when I've told people that their child is healthy. But I am acting between those things. I'm acting during my breaks, I'm acting when I'm around my colleagues, I'm acting around my patients unless something good comes out of it. I'm acting. Hana sees it, when we're alone she asks if I'm okay, but I just nod and say I'm fine.

I'm anything but fine.

I'm distracted from my thoughts by one of my colleagues, Natasha, opening the door to my examination room.

"Hey, Tris, you aren't due a patient any time soon, right?"

I check on my computer to see if I am or not. I'm not.

"No, why?"

"Well, someone wants to see you, they say it's urgent."

"Okay, send them in."

She leaves and not two minutes later Christina is in the room, a blabbering mess.

"Christina, calm down. What's going on?" She's wearing her nurse's uniform, meaning she's probably on a break or something. She plops into the chair on the other side of my desk. The one for patients. Tears line her cheeks.

"I think I'm pregnant, Tris."

Okay, I'm shocked.

"Have you taken a test?" She shakes her head, no. "Okay, what are your symptoms?"

"Uh, morning sickness that is probably more like any time of the day sickness, I missed a period, and I'm tired a lot more than I usually am, and I think that's it."

"Okay, when was the last time you and Uriah had sex?"

"A couple of nights ago."

"Okay, did you have sex two or more weeks ago because you shouldn't be getting those symptoms if you're only a couple days pregnant?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, uh, can you get on the bed and lift your top up so I can get to your belly?"

She nods and does what I told her to as I set up the ultrasound machine for the second time today.

I grab the gel that I have to squirt onto her belly, I tell her it's going to be a bit cold and she just nods so I squirt some on the lower part of her torso. I place the wand over it and move it around, concentrating on the screen. I notice from the corner of my eye that Christina isn't looking, she's just staring at the ceiling with a scared look on her face. My attention goes back to the screen and I find it. The little, grey, flickering blob that is my best friend's baby.

I look at her with a small smile on my face but she still isn't looking.

"Christina…" She looks at me, scared. "You're pregnant."

More tears escape her eyes. But this time she looks at the screen and sees her baby. I see a smile tug at her lips.

"How far along am I?"

"I'd say about four weeks. The baby looks healthy, and it's the right size. Do you want a picture?" She nods and I press some buttons on the machine, making a picture come out of it. I give it to Christina and remove the wand from her belly, cleaning it before putting it in its holder. I then clean the gel off her belly and she sits up, pulling her top down. I still see a scared look in her eyes. I'd be scared too, she's seventeen now but she's young. I know I turn seventeen sometime this month, nine months after I joined Dauntless. But I don't know when my birthday is exactly. "Hey, don't be too scared. I'm here for you, so will Uri, he wouldn't abandon you, okay." She nods again.

"Can you be my midwife?"

"Yeah, of course. I would be honoured to be your midwife."

"Thank you. What do I do now? I don't know anything about pregnancy."

"Well, I'm going to give you some prenatal vitamins, you have to take one a day and it gives you the stuff the baby needs to be healthy. You need to have a healthy diet, and exercise, but don't do anything too strenuous. You can have sex if you're wondering. I can give you some booklets about pregnancy, labour and raising a baby. And you come back for an appointment once every four weeks to make sure everything is okay with the baby. At twenty weeks you can find out the gender if that is what you want. Then when you're in labour, call me and I'll be there the whole time telling you what to do and helping you get through it."

"Oh, okay."

"Take a seat, I have to run through some questions and stuff like I do with every patient so I can put you on the system, then we can book another appointment and you can ask me any questions you have."

We sit down in the chairs we were in previously and I do what I have to do with every patient. Then we leave since I'm on my official break.

We make it down to the main waiting room of the infirmary. But that's when I see her. I see a woman that looks exactly like my mother, except the fact she's wearing black and not grey, walking down the hall, towards me. I start seeing things. Me and my mum when I was a child. When she looked after me when I was sick. When she held me when I was scared, or after I had a nightmare. I see Caleb and dad as well. Us spending time together as a family. Eating dinner together. Making dinner together. Walking to the choosing ceremony together. Mum being shot. The blood seeping out of her wound. Me calling her name. Shouting. Screaming. Crying. Pleading. Dad being shot. Blood. Name. Shouts. Screams. Cries. Pleads. Caleb walking away from me. Never coming back. Gone. Cries.

Black.

…

Tobias POV:

My phone rings. I look at it to find its Christina calling me. I press the answer button and place the phone to my ear.

"Hey, Christina. What's up?"

She sniffles. She's crying.

"It's Tris."

"What? What happened?"

I'm terrified.

"She had a mental breakdown. Hana and I tried to get her to calm down. She was crying, and screaming, and thrashing. We had to sedate her. You should probably come by the infirmary."

"I'm on my way."

I hang up, leave my office, and run as fast as I can to the infirmary.

Christina meets me in the waiting room and takes me to Tris' room. Hana is in there, checking on Tris who is pale as she sleeps in the bed. I notice scratches on her arms that are red from blood, Hana is cleaning them and covering them in bandages. The sight of her makes me want to cry. But I don't, I have to be strong, for her.

I sit in the chair next to her bed and take her limp, pale, warm hand in mine.

"What happened?" I ask, my voice scratchy.

"Well, we were heading to the cafeteria to get something to eat since it was our break. We got to the waiting room and she stopped walking. She must have seen something because she looked like she saw a ghost. Then she started crying, and screaming. She fell to the floor and crawled over to the chairs, she clutched one of them so hard her knuckles went white. She started thrashing and speaking to herself, still crying, and screaming. She started scratching herself as well. But I don't know what she saw or anything." Christina explains.

I look at the beautiful girl in the bed and wonder what she saw. I know the war probably affected her more than it did with any of us. She lost her whole family, her old home, and so many friends. She even saw Eric kill an innocent ten year old boy just because he was Divergent. And she was tested on. Betrayed by her brother, who she still managed to care about and love.

"What does this mean for her?" I question.

"Well, she has a severe case of PTSD. I notice that she's tired, so she's probably been getting a lot of nightmares, and it looks like she's skinnier than she used to be. So I'm guessing she hasn't been eating as much. After this I don't think the other midwives will allow her to go back to work, not for a while anyway." Christina looks scared when Hana tells us this but I don't say anything. I'm too worried about Tris. "We can put her on medication that might help with everything. We can provide her with sleeping pills that can help her get some sleep without nightmares, but the best ones we have only last five hours, at the most, without them. If she wants to she can speak to someone, a psychiatrist. But those forms of treatment don't work for everybody. We'll all be here for her, to help her. And I know you work from home a lot and that will help her out too. She needs to start eating properly again so she is healthy. But that is all we can do."

I nod in understanding, not knowing what to say.

Why did the world have to be so cruel to Tris? Why her? Why couldn't she just live a normal life? A happy life?

Christina and Hana leave at some point. It's just Tris and I now.

And I wait for her to wake up. So I can comfort her. Hold her. Help her. Be there for her.

Because I love her, and I always will be there for her.

 **Hey Ravens, two updates in one day, aren't you lucky?**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	4. Mentally Insecure

Love Goes On

Chapter 4: Mentally Insecure

My eyes flutter open to bright lights. I'm in the infirmary, clothed in a black gown that stands out against my pale skin. There are bandages on my forearms. A hand in my right hand. Tobias' hand. He sleeps in the chair next to my bed, his cheeks red raw, as if he had been crying.

What happened?

I saw someone… that looked exactly like my mother. Flashbacks. Pain. Black.

"Tobias." Tears fill my eyes as I whisper his name, but he still manages to hear me and wake up. He looks at me with a sad smile as he moves so he sits next to me on the bed, not letting go of my hand. He tucks a piece of loose hair behind my ear and kisses my forehead. "What happened?"

He looks at me as if deciding whether to tell me or not. As if me knowing the answer would make me break even more. It probably will, but I need to know. And I think he sees that in my eyes because he tells me. He tells me what happened.

I had a mental breakdown, in the waiting room of the infirmary.

"What did you see, Tris?" He wipes something wet off my cheek with his thumb and it's then I know the tears have fallen. And they continue to fall.

"S-someone who looked like m-my m-mother." I don't need to say the rest because he knows. Flashbacks. Then nothing. "W-what happened to my a-arms?"

"You were thrashing around and scratched yourself. They had to sedate you because you were screaming, talking to yourself and thrashing."

I remember Christina was with me. If I was thrashing I could have hurt her.

"I-is Christina okay? Did I hurt her?"

"No, she's fine. Her and Hana are fine. Why?"

"She's p-pregnant. I was g-going to b-be her m-midwife." Why am I stuttering?

He looks sad at that.

"Tris, I'm sorry, but they aren't going to let you be a midwife anymore. Or at least not until you're better."

"N-no. I-I-I have to be t-there for Christina."

"You still can be. As a friend. I'm sure Hana won't mind being her midwife instead. I mean, it is her grandchild after all. You can still be there for her. Okay?"

I just nod as more and more tears make their way out of my eyes.

Why me? Why do I have to have a mental breakdown? Why do I have to lose my job? Why did the war have to happen?

Tobias holds me in his arms and I clutch at his shirt as I cry into it.

"W-what are they going t-to do to m-me?"

Are they going to lock me away somewhere away from everyone else? Are they going to test on me?

"Hey, they're not going to hurt you. Hana said they would either give you some medication that can help, some sleeping pills so you can sleep for at least five hours without nightmares, or you can see a psychiatrist. Or you don't have to do anything. But she does want you to start eating more again so you can be healthy."

They aren't going to lock me away. They aren't going to test on me.

The door opens and Hana walks in. She smiles slightly at me when she sees I am awake.

"Hey, Tris. Has Tobias told you what happened?" I nod. "Has he told you about possible treatments?" I nod. "Has he told you about your job?" I nod sadly. "Don't worry about that, if you get better you might be able to work again, okay. And they're splitting your patients between us. I'm taking Christina, so she will be in good hands, okay. Your other patients will be well looked after too, obviously." She smiles happily when she mentions Christina. Though, Christina is having her grandchild. I wonder if she's told Uriah yet. "Now, do you want to take any of the forms of treatment?" I shake my head. No, I don't. "Tris, at least take the sleeping pills, they will help you get some more sleep. I promise."

"O-okay." I whisper and she smiles a bit more.

"I'm going to get you something to eat. You need to be healthy, okay. Is there anything particular you want?" I shake my head. "I'll get you some toast then, okay?" I nod and she leaves the room.

Turns out Hana isn't just a midwife, but an actual nurse as well. Though, I'm glad it's her treating me and not some complete stranger. She's actually really nice, we've become quite close in the time I've known her.

When she comes back in she places the plate of toast on the wheeled table and wheels it over to me, meaning Tobias has to go back to sitting in the chair. She places it so the table part hangs over my legs and I can reach the toast. She locks the wheels in place so it doesn't move, then she leaves again. I just stare at the toast.

"Tris, you have to eat something." Tobias tells me sadly. "Please? For me."

I look at him and see him begging me with his eyes to eat it. The truth is part of me doesn't want to eat, at all, so I will die and join my family wherever they are. That's why I haven't been eating that much recently, why I've been getting skinnier.

I see his eyes darken with sadness.

"You've not been eating much because you want to die, haven't you?" I look away from him and more tears fill my eyes. "Tris, I know that you're upset. I get that. I mean, you lost your family, and your home, and so many other people that you cared about. But what about me? And everyone else that are out there, in that waiting room, hoping you're okay? Tris, do you remember what I told you before I made you promise me not to go to Erudite? Do you remember what I told you after you went to Erudite and I came to be with you? If you die, I die too, remember? And your best friend is pregnant, she needs you, Tris. I need you as well. So, eat. Please?" Another tear slips out of my eye. "Don't you want a life with me, Tris?"

I do. I do want a life with him. And I want to be there for Christina and her baby. And I want to be there for all of my remaining friends.

But I want my family, too. I want to see them. Talk to them. Be with them.

"How would your family feel if you let yourself die, Tris? They wouldn't want that. They wouldn't want their deaths to be in vain. They would want you to carry on. They would want you to live. Have a life."

He's right. I think of my promise to Caleb before he went to the weapons lab. The promise to make him an uncle one day and carry on the Prior family line. But right now I don't think I can do that. I mean, I'm mentally insecure and who knows how long it will take for me to be stable enough to look after myself, let alone a baby.

But I can try, right? I can try and get better. For my family. For Tobias. For my friends. For Christina and Uriah's baby. For any baby I might have in the future.

I pick up the first piece of toast, there are two of them. And I take a bite out of it. Followed by another. And another. And another.

I eat both pieces of toast.

I look at Tobias to find his head in his hands, crying. Guilt overcomes me when I realise he's crying because of me. Because I wanted to die and leave him in this world alone. Because I was starving myself to death. Because I made him lose hope.

"T-Tobias." He looks at me with tear filled eyes. "I-I'm sorry."

He takes my hand in his and squeezes it lightly. "It's okay. I understand. Just promise me you won't die. Not until we're old and grey."

"I promise." I whisper.

And I do promise.

…

I wake up again later that day and see that Tobias isn't in here anymore. But Christina is. She is sitting in his chair, smiling at me slightly.

"W-where's Tobias?"

"He had a meeting to go to. He didn't want to leave you, but Harrison said it was urgent."

"D-did you tell U-Uri?"

She nods, now smiling a lot more than before.

"He's excited. Happy. Slightly scared, but we're seventeen, that's to be expected, right?" I nod.

"I'm s-sorry I can't be y-your midwife."

"It's okay. Hana said she'd do it instead. She's happy to be a grandma as well. But you can still be there throughout everything. As a friend. You can even be my second birthing partner if you want?" I nod actually smiling myself now. "There's that smile. Anyway, Zeke is totally freaking out about being an uncle. He can't wait. But we're all extremely worried about you."

"I'll be fine. W-when can I g-go home?"

"Hana said tomorrow if you're okay. She wants to talk to you alone at some point. I don't know what about but I'm sure it's nothing bad."

I nod and in walks Hana.

"Good, you're up. Christina, can you give me some time to talk to her, alone, please?" Christina nods and leaves. Hana sits on the edge of my bed, looking at me. "Tris, you know you have severe PTSD, but having that can affect many things in life. You'll have nightmares, flashbacks, you'll be jumpy around certain things, etc. I'm not saying what I'm about to say because it concerns you now, because it doesn't. I'm saying this so you know to be careful okay?" I nod but I'm incredibly confused. "Tris, if you ever get pregnant, there's a high risk of miscarriage or premature labour."

What?

Tears well up in my eyes, again.

"I'm not saying you can't have kids. You can. You are fertile. But because of the PTSD and everything that comes with it the stress you feel is a lot higher, and stress is bad for pregnancy, as you know. That increases the risk of miscarriage and premature labour. Because of how severe your case is the risk is a lot higher than most. So, if you ever do get pregnant, try and remain as calm as you can. I'll be your midwife and I'll give you an appointment once a week to check on things. I can talk with Tobias and tell him that if you have a nightmare to wake you up and calm you down as soon as he can, or if you have a flashback to try and snap you out of it and calm you down as soon as possible. But I just wanted to warn you of the risks, okay. I'm not try to scare you away from the idea of having a family. You can have a family, you just need to be careful. More careful than others. Okay?"

I nod and wipe my wet eyes with the back of my hand.

"Do you want something to eat? Some more toast or anything?"

"T-toast please."

She smile sadly at me and exits the room just as Tobias comes back in. He sits back in his original seat and takes my hand in his.

"Sorry, I had a meeting. Are you okay?"

Should I tell him? Should I tell him that if I ever get pregnant he can't get his hopes up because the baby would have a high chance of not making it? We made the promise to not lie to each other. I should tell him. He has every right to know considering it affects him as well. He would be the dad after all. I wouldn't even consider having a baby with anyone else.

But I'm a stuttering mess at the moment. I won't be able to tell him properly. Hana should tell him. Yeah, when she comes back I'll get her to tell him.

But it would be better coming from me, right?

No, Hana can tell him.

When she comes back she puts the plate of toast on the table that is still hovering over my bed. I ask her to tell him what she told me and she does. He doesn't say anything throughout the whole time she's speaking. He nods along when she mentions him waking me up from nightmares and stuff, but other than that he does nothing.

Then she's gone and he starts crying. Again I feel guilty. There's a chance we won't ever have a healthy child, because of me. I'm the one with the severe PTSD. It's my fault if we lose any of our kids. It's my fault if we never have a kid. It's all my fault.

"I'm s-sorry." I tell him.

He looks at me and stands, sitting next to me on the bed and wrapping his arms around me.

"It's not your fault. It's Jeanine's fault. She started all of this. She started the war. She's the reason you have PTSD. None of this is your fault."

"It will be my f-fault if I keep l-l-losing our c-children. It will be m-my fault if we n-never have a healthy c-child."

"No, it won't be your fault. But no matter what happens, I will always be here. By your side. I'm never going to leave you, okay. Never. I love you. I always will."

"I love you, too."

We cry together for a while, until I fall asleep.

Why me? Why us?

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 **I will update again when I can. Possibly tomorrow.**

 **Please review!**


	5. Going Home

Love Goes On

Chapter 5: Going Home

I wake up the next morning still in Tobias' arms. I'm breathing heavily from the nightmare I just had and I think Tobias notices because he wakes up and looks at me and my tear filled eyes.

"Nightmare?" I just nod and snuggle into his arms, crying. "It's okay. It wasn't real. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I love you." I listen as he tries to comfort me.

I stop crying what feels like hours later when Christina walks in wearing her nurse's uniform, with a bag in her hands.

"Hey, Hana says you can go home today so I thought I'd bring you some clothes. She's signed you out and everything. You can leave whenever you want, but you have to stop by reception to get your sleeping pills. You take one just before you go to bed and it should help you get some more sleep. Also, clean your wounds and re-bandage them at least once a day." I nod and smile at her. "Okay. Also, Uri wants to know if you two want to come over for dinner tonight. Shauna, Zeke, Hana, Amar and George will be there as well. We thought we'd catch up, and maybe make you feel a little better. You don't have to come but we thought it would be nice."

"O-okay."

"You sure?" I nod at her again, smiling a bit brighter now. "Okay. Be there at seven. If you change your mind or anything that's fine. Now, I have to go and grab a patient. See you tonight, maybe." She hugs me and leaves.

Tobias helps me stand and get ready before taking my hand and leading me to the reception desk. We get my sleeping pills and go home.

When we arrive I sit on the sofa and pulls my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them.

"Do you want something to eat? I can make you something. How about some pancakes?" I nod and smile at him. He kisses my forehead and makes his way to the kitchen. Part of me wonders how he can still love me, even though I'm mental. Even though I have PTSD. Even though I'm broken. Even though I might not be able to give him healthy children.

How can he still love me? He deserves someone so much better. Someone who can give him what he wants.

Then I remember the promise I made my brother. And how I might not be able to fulfil it. I might not be able to make him an uncle. I might not be able to carry on the family line.

That's when I start sobbing into my knees.

"Tris?" I feel the sofa sink down next to me and someone take me into their arms. Tobias. I sink into him and cry. "What's the matter?"

"I-I promised."

"You promised who what?"

"C-Caleb. I p-promised him to m-make him an uncle o-one d-day. T-to carry o-on the family l-line. I-I-I might not b-be a-able to do that." Why do I keep stuttering? I don't want to stutter. I don't want this.

"Hey, we'll be okay, no matter what happens. We can have a family Tris. You just need to be healthy, and we'll be here to help you. All of us will. I'm not going anywhere. I'll always be here, through everything. I love you. And I'm sure Caleb understands, wherever he is. He'll be watching down on you, on us, with your parents and our friends. Supporting us through everything, okay?"

I nod into him but I'm still crying. It seems like the only thing I do these days. Cry and stutter.

"The pancakes are done. Do you want to eat them in here or the kitchen?"

"K-kitchen."

He helps me stand and we go to the kitchen, his hand doesn't leave mine, even as we eat. I know he'll never leave me, but I just don't understand why. He deserves so much better than me.

…

I'm in the shower of the en-suite to our bedroom, so I am clean for tonight. My bandages are off and the water and soap stings the cuts but I can't get the bandages wet. When I'm done I dry, moisturise and clean the wounds on my arms before re-bandaging them. I dry my hair and get dressed into my black leggings and one of Tobias' dark grey hoodies. His scent makes me feel safe, and sane. I tie my hair into a ponytail and don't bother with any make-up so I just walk into the bedroom to find Tobias on the bed wearing some black jeans and a black dress shirt. I slide on some black socks and my combat boots, he does the same, and then we leave, him holding my hand the whole way.

Christina opens the door smiling, she hugs me and I hug back, and we go in. Everyone is already in the living room, some sitting on the floor, others in various chairs. Uri isn't here though so I'm guessing he's in the kitchen. They all smile when they see me and I smile back. I sit on the sofa, in between Zeke and Tobias, who still hasn't let go of my hand.

I listen to their conversation but I don't speak. I don't want them to hear me stutter. Not yet.

"Do you two want any drinks?" Christina asks Tobias and I.

"Two waters please." Tobias replies.

Christina nods and goes to what I'm assuming is the kitchen. She comes back out a minute later with two glasses of water and gives them to us. Tobias thanks her and she goes back to the kitchen.

…

We are sitting around the surprisingly large table in the dining room, eating. The others are talking, laughing even. I crack a smile sometimes but I just listen.

"So, have you two thought of any names yet?" Zeke asks Uri and Christina.

"Zeke, I'm four weeks along. We have another eight months to decide on things like that. Also, we want to wait until we know what we're having to think of names."

"When's that going to be?"

"When I'm twenty weeks along."

"Why so long?"

"Because you have to wait for the genitals to actually form enough so you can see them on the screen." Hana tells him.

"So, if it's a boy you can actually see its willy sticking out?" God he is such a child.

"Yeah, and if it's a girl then you see nothing." Hana says.

"You're such a child, Zeke." Shauna speaks.

"What? I'm just curious. It is my niece or nephew after all. And if we ever have any kids I want to know how it all works."

"Zeke, I'm paralysed. I know Cara said she's working on a way to make me unparalysed but that could take years." I look at her, shocked. She smiles and nods at me.

"Well, we might have a kid one day."

"We might. I'm just saying that because you know there's a chance that we won't."

"What about you two? When are you going to start popping out kids?" Zeke looks at Tobias and me as he asks this. Tears form in my eyes.

"Zeke, don't, okay." Tobias sighs.

"What? There's nothing in your way, is there? I mean you're like the perfect couple. You can have kids." A tear slips out of my eye. "Oh my god, please tell me you can have kids, right? You can have kids?" More tears slip out of my eyes.

I stand up and leave without saying anything. I walk back to mine and Tobias' apartment in tears. Not caring how many people see me in this state. As a mess. As a coward. As a weak person. Someone who doesn't belong in Dauntless. I never have and I never will.

When I arrive home I walk up the stairs and go to our bedroom. I change into some pyjama shorts and one of Tobias' t-shirts. Still crying. I go into the en-suite and brush my teeth. I'm about to leave when I spot the shaver I used before my shower on the side. I take it apart and pull out a blade. I sit on the floor with my back against the wall. I'm about to start cutting above the bandage on my left arm when Tobias rushes in and sees what I'm about to do.

"Tris…" He trails off before rushing over to me. He gently takes the blade out of my hand and puts it on the side. He sits opposite me and takes me in his arms. "Please don't do that. Don't cut yourself. Please? Don't do that to yourself. Don't do that to me. I can't lose you. I love you. Please?" It's then that I realise he's crying as well. Because of me, again. It's all my fault.

"I'm s-sorry." I start sobbing into his chest.

"Hey, it's okay. Things will get better. I promise. I'm not going to leave you. We'll get through life together. We'll be okay."

We sit there like that for a while. Holding each other. Crying together. Him trying to comfort me. And I just being silent, other than the sniffles and occasional sobs.

"D-did you t-t-tell them?"

"Yeah, but only so they wouldn't keep asking questions like that. But I'm sure we'll have a family one day, okay. No matter how long it takes, I'm sure that one day we'll have a baby in our arms, maybe more than one."

I just nod. Not really believing him. I won't believe it until it happens. If it happens.

"Do you want to get some sleep? I'll go and get your sleeping pills." I nod again and he kisses me gently before leaving the room. I look at the side where the blade lays but I don't touch it. I can't do that to him. To my friends. To my family. I shakily stand up and walk to the bed in the bedroom. I climb onto it and Tobias comes in with a pill in his hand and a glass of water in his other. I put the tablet in my mouth, drink some water and swallow it, placing the glass on the bedside table. I feel drowsy so I lay down. "Goodnight, Tris. I love you."

"I l-love you, too."

Then I'm gone.

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 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	6. Apologies and Stories

Love Goes On

Chapter 6: Apologies and Stories

I wake up and feel well rested for the first time in weeks. Tobias is still asleep next to me, his arm draped gently over my waist. I look at the clock and see that it is only five in the morning. I would go back to sleep but I don't want the nightmares that I'm sure will torment me.

I slowly and carefully make my way out of his embrace, so I don't wake him up, and go to the kitchen to get a drink. I sit at the table with the glass of water and bring my knees up to my chest. I think about yesterday again. Part of me is jealous of Christina and Uriah, they don't have to worry about everything I do. There's still a risk of miscarriage and premature labour obviously, and I hope that doesn't happen to them, but it's not as high as my risk.

I know I'm being selfish, I mean, Shauna and Zeke might not ever get the chance to have kids. But after everything I just feel lost, angry, confused… mental.

I don't know how long I've been sitting here, staring at the wall, thinking, when Tobias rushes in looking scared.

"Thank god. You weren't there when I woke up and I got worried." He sits in the chair next to me and holds me in his arms.

"Sorry."

"It's okay. Are you okay, though?"

"Y-yeah."

"Do you want some breakfast?" I nod. "What do you want?"

"Cereal."

He makes us some cereal and we eat it in a comfortable silence.

An hour later Tobias leaves for a meeting after kissing me and telling me to call him if I need anything. I'm sitting on the sofa in my pyjamas. Staring at whatever's on the TV but not really watching it. Until there's a knock on the door anyway. I stand up and go to it. I slowly open it to find everyone I ate dinner with last night, except Tobias, standing on the other side, smiling at me apologetically.

"Tris, I'm sorry. I didn't understand what was happening but I do now. I shouldn't have asked you that. I shouldn't have even mentioned it. I'm just excited to be an uncle and got carried away. I'm sorry I upset you. I knew I should have been careful with everything that's been going on with you recently, I thought it would cheer us all up, I didn't realise the impact something like that could have on you. I'm sorry." Zeke tells me.

"I-it's okay, Z-Zeke."

He hugs me and I hug back before letting them all in. I go back to my spot on the sofa and they all join me, sitting in various places.

"So, how are you, Tris?" Shauna asks.

"F-fine." I really don't want to talk much, and I think they understand that.

"Let's watch a film." Zeke suggests and everyone nods. He puts on a film and they watch it. I just sit and stare, not wanting to pay attention.

After the film Hana asks to speak to me in private. The other's leave, some saying that they will come by tomorrow as they don't have to work. I'm sitting in the same spot as earlier, facing Hana who sits next to me.

"Did your sleeping pills help last night?" I nod. "Good. Are you still stuttering a lot?" I nod again. "I was thinking you could see a speech therapist to help with that. If you don't want to that is fine. It may just go in its own time, but it might help." I shake my head. "Okay. Look, Tris, I know it's hard, hearing that you might not be able to have a healthy baby, but there's still a chance. You still have a chance. I can help you, everyone can help you."

"W-what are the c-chances o-of me h-having a-a healthy b-baby?"

"Well, if you get pregnant I'd say there's about a ten percent chance of not miscarrying or going into premature labour. But that would be if you were pregnant right now, when you've just had a mental breakdown and you haven't been eating much. If you started eating more and got healthy again, that percentage would get bigger. If you kept taking those sleeping pills and got more sleep the chances would get higher. If we woke you up from nightmares and flashbacks sooner they would get higher. Bear in mind that they wouldn't get much higher, I'd say the highest the chances would ever get is about twenty percent. But if you got better than you are now that's a start, we'd just have to help you when you do get pregnant, that's all. Also, if you have one healthy baby if you get pregnant again it's a lot easier since you know what to do for it to be healthy. The chances would still be the same, but it will be easier." I just nod as tears cloud my eyes. "Can I tell you something? Something I haven't told anyone, not even Zeke or Uriah." I nod again. "When I was seventeen I got into an accident. My friends and I were in the training room, throwing knives. My best friend and her boyfriend were messing around with one just as I was going up to them to say goodbye because I had to go and do a shift in the hospital. Her boyfriend accidently stabbed me in the belly. When I woke up in the infirmary the doctor told me that the knife hit one of my ovaries and that they had to remove it. I only had one ovary left and that decreased my chances my fifty percent of getting pregnant. I was devastated. I had wanted kids since I was a little girl. But then I met the man who would become my husband one day, I told him about it, I mean, I had to. He had to know that there was less chance of us having kids if we stayed together. He was great about it though, he was kind and supportive, and he was amazing. Then we got married and on our wedding night we started trying for a baby. It took a year but I finally got pregnant, with Zeke, and he was fine. Then two years later we had Uriah. My chances of having a baby weren't as low as yours are but there was a time when I gave up hope. Multiple times actually. Like after the incident happened. During the year we were trying and nothing was happening. But miracles do happen. And I know after the year you've had you probably don't believe in miracles, but I truly believe that one day you will have a healthy baby in your arms. And you might just have more after that as well."

"D-do you really b-believe that?"

"Yeah, I do." She wraps her arms around me and I lean into her. She's almost like a mum to me with everything that has happened recently. I haven't known her long but she's helped me out a lot, and looked after me when I was at my weakest. I still am weak. To be honest, I don't know when I will be strong again. If I will ever be strong.

"T-thank you."

"You don't have to thank me, Tris. I just want to help."

"W-what happened t-to t-that friend?"

"Well, he keeps apologising to this day, but he doesn't know about the ovary thing and I intend to keep it that way. He wasn't kicked out or anything since it was an accident."

…

When Tobias walks into the apartment he looks tired and bored. I take it the meeting was long and boring. He plops down next to me on the sofa. I'm debating in my mind whether to tell him the chances we have of having a kid.

"How are you feeling?" Tobias asks me.

"Okay. H-how was the m-m-meeting?"

"Long and boring. To be honest I've forgotten most of what we discussed. I don't know why anyone would want to sit in a boring room for a few hours discussing a load of nonsense."

"W-well, now y-you h-have the chance o-of changing the c-c-city for t-the b-better."

"Yeah. Are you sure you're okay? You look like you've been crying."

"Uh. E-everyone came over. Z-Zeke a-a-apolog-gised. B-but Hana spoke t-t-to me."

"What did she say?"

"S-she told m-me t-the chances o-of m-me h-having kids."

"What are they?"

More tears fill my eyes as I look at him.

"T-ten to t-t-twenty percent."

He looks sad but he pulls me into his arms to comfort me.

"Hey, we'll be okay. I promise. We'll have a baby one day, I'll make sure of it." He keeps saying soothing things to me. Over and over again. I keep thinking about what Hana told me. Her story. I have a tiny bit of hope in me but I won't believe it fully until I actually have a healthy baby in my arms. I can't believe it until then. If it happens.

I just can't.

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 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	7. Shopping

Love Goes On

Chapter 7: Shopping

Christina is now thirteen weeks pregnant. She has a bump now, it's obvious to anyone that she's pregnant now. And today she's decided to try and cheer me up by taking me shopping. I doubt it will work since I hate shopping, and I know she's planning on getting some baby things. But I guess it's good to get out of the apartment once in a while, right?

I'm still stuttering. I'm still scared, shaken up, and crazy. I've had a few episodes as well. I've seen things that remind me of my family, or the friends I lost, or the war, and I've just freaked out. Sometimes it causes me to puke or faint, sometimes I struggle to breathe, but there was this one time when I had a seizure. It scared Tobias a lot, he rushed me to the infirmary. Hana explained to us that all of these things are symptoms of PTSD. She ended up having to give us a tank of oxygen, with a mask for if I ever struggle to breathe at home. There's a smaller portable one as well, Tobias has to put it on me when I have a seizure before taking me to the infirmary. If I'm out and about I have to just be careful. Though it's mostly things I see when I'm out and about that do it to me. Sometimes it's just nightmares or thinking about everything. Its scary having to deal with all of this when I'm seventeen but I guess I just have to get through it right? Tobias is terrified as well.

We've been shopping for an hour already and we've been in two shops. I already have two bags of things on each arm. But knowing her we're going to go into a lot more shops and it's going to take a lot more time. She leads me into another clothes shop and makes me try on a lot more clothes, but I end up only getting half of the stuff she makes me try on. So that's another two bags. She's just getting a load of maternity stuff since she's only going to keep getting bigger. But just by doing that it's kinda upsetting me, knowing I might never have to shop for maternity stuff. Or if I did it would only last a few months because the baby dies and I won't need it anymore. Sure, Hana's story sparked a little bit of hope in me, it really did. But not much. Only a little, tiny bit. I can't believe people when they say I'm going to have a healthy baby one day until the day I actually get to hold my healthy baby in my arms. And I know it's selfish to think that way. But I can't help it.

Now we're going into a shoe shop. Yay! She picks out about five pairs of shoes for me and I try them on. And unfortunately they all fit so I have to get them. Christina buys herself a couple of pairs of trainers and a pair of ballet flats. We pay and we're done… for that shop anyway.

Then I find myself standing outside the lingerie store.

"N-nope." I say, about to walk away but Christina pulls me in there with her.

"Come on, it's only the second to last store we have to go in. And I want to get you some nice stuff to wear for Tobias. I know you've had sex once, but you gotta get back to it." I just look at her like she's crazy. "What? I mean, you're with a man as good looking as he is and you've only had sex once with no plan to have sex again in the foreseeable future?"

"C-Chris, I'm n-not r-ready for t-that a-again."

"Why not? He loves you, you love him. You trust each other. What's wrong with sex?"

"I-I'm c-c-crazy. A-and I-I-I don't w-want to do t-that o-only to g-get p-pregnant and l-lose the b-baby."

"Tris, you're not crazy, you've just been through a lot of stuff this past year. Also, there's protection for a reason. I know it didn't get me very far but it works most of the time. Just let me buy you two sets, you don't have to have sex until you're ready but just let me get you something nice."

"F-fine." I stay by the till as she walks around, grabbing stuff for me and for her. Then she pays and gives one of the bags to me. So I now have eight bags all together.

Then she leads me to another store. The baby store. I reluctantly go in, following her around. All of the baby stuff is making my head pound if I'm honest with you. She grabs some unisex baby grows. Including one that reads 'I love my mummy' and another that reads 'I love my daddy'. She picks up some stuffed animals as well, and a teddy bear. She grabs some dummies and a couple of yellow, white and black blankets. I see a mum walking towards us with a baby in her arms, she smiles as she walks past and I smile back, but it's a fake smile. Why can't I be like that one day? Why? Why? Why?

I see a cute white crib and imagine how nice it would go in one of the spare rooms, with our baby in it, but it won't have our baby in it. It won't be in one of the spare rooms. I see an adorable stuffed elephant and imagine our child playing with it. But it won't happen. It's very unlikely to happen.

I'm struggling to breathe and I know I need to go home. So I do, I just walk out of the store and struggle home, trying to catch my breath as tears slip down my cheeks.

When I enter I see Tobias sitting on the sofa, typing on his computer. But when he looks at me and sees I can't breathe he doesn't waste a second in getting me upstairs, leaving the bags on the floor, lying me on the bed and putting the mask over my nose and mouth, giving me oxygen, helping me breathe. I instantly feel the relief.

He holds my hand the whole time, whispering soothing things to me as he strokes my hair with his free hand. I just look into his calming eyes, they're shining with tears. He doesn't like seeing me like this. Seeing me hurting. Weak.

I reach up to wipe the tear that has fallen onto his cheek away and he gives me a small, sad smile. I have to keep this thing on for an hour according to Hana, just to make sure I can breathe on my own again. But Tobias doesn't leave my side at all. He stays there, holding my hand, like always.

When the hour is over he lifts the mask gently off my wet face and puts it back in its original place. Not letting go of my hand still.

"What happened?"

"S-she took m-m-me t-to a b-baby s-store. I-I-I couldn't h-handle b-being in there."

"Did you just leave?" I nod. "So she's probably going to come over here all worried?" I nod. "Did you start struggling for breath in the store?" I nod. "Did she notice?" I shrug my shoulders. I don't know. "Do you still not believe that we'll have a healthy baby one day?" I nod and he looks sad. "Tris, what's it going to take to convince you to have even a little bit of hope?"

"Actually getting to hold our healthy baby in my arms." He looks shocked, and so am I. That is the most I've said without stuttering since I started. And it was a whole sentence, not just a few words without the stutter.

He wears a small smile now, but I can tell he's still sad.

But we can't do anything else because there's a knock on the door.

Tobias groans and plants a kiss on my forehead before leaving to open it. It's Christina.

"Hey, Tobias. Have you seen Tris? We were shopping and she just left without a word. I can't find her."

"Don't worry. She came back home, she's fine just a little tired. But next time you take her shopping please try not to take her into a baby store."

"Shit, did that upset her? I just wanted to grab a few things. I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking and…"

"Chris, its fine. Really. Just let her get some rest, okay?"

"Okay. Sorry, again."

Then the door closes and Tobias joins me again a few seconds later. He lays next to me on the bed and wraps an arm around my waist. I am laying on my back, staring at the ceiling.

"Tris, can you please have a little bit of hope? For me?"

"Tobias, I can't, o-okay? I w-want to. B-b-but I can't b-believe it unless it a-actually happens. I d-don't want to get m-my hopes u-up only f-f-for our babies to k-keep d-dying." And back comes the stuttering. I turn on my side so my back is facing him, he pulls me into his chest and I sink into it, still crying.

We stay like that for a while. And eventually I fall asleep.

 **Hey Ravens, how are you?**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	8. Going Away

Love Goes On

Chapter 8: Going away

Weeks pass and now Christina is twenty weeks pregnant. She's finding out the gender today. She's excited to say the least. So is Uriah and everyone else. I'm excited too, I guess, but with everything going on at the moment I just can't handle it.

It's been twenty three weeks since Caleb died and the war ended. Forty eight weeks since the war started and my parents died. And fifty two weeks since I chose to come to Dauntless. That means I've been Dauntless for a year now, and all it has brought me is death, and pain. Though, I do have some great friends, and Tobias of course. But most of my time as a Dauntless citizen has been full of pain.

I am in the kitchen, making Tobias and I some dinner since he gets home from work soon. I've taken a liking to cooking since it helps me forget, even for a little while. I decided to make a stir fry. I found the recipe in an old cook book that I found and decided to give it a go. Tobias likes it when I cook, though, just as I like it when he does. He thinks I'm better than him, but I think he's better than me.

I hear the door open and close. I soon feel strong, familiar, comforting arms wrap around my waist from behind as I stand against the oven, frying the meat and vegetable mixture, getting ready to add the noodles.

"Hey." I say, most of my stuttering has gone now. I only stutter on occasion, or when I have a nightmare of something. I still have nightmares most nights but the sleeping pills allow me to actually get some sleep before they start so I can get more sleep.

"Hey, smells good."

"Thank you. It will be done soon, could you wash up and lay the table for me whilst I finish it off and dish up?"

"Sure." He kisses my cheek and does what I asked him to. I add some noodles and the sauce and let it fry for a few more minutes before serving up.

He sits opposite me as we eat.

"This is really good." He tells me.

"Thanks. How was work?"

"Okay, I guess. There's this thing, though?"

"What thing?"

"They want me to go to Amity for a month to work on something."

"W-what? Y-you can't l-leave m-me here f-for a month."

"I know. That's why I wanted to know if you wanted to come with me. We could get away from here for a bit, as a vacation. Explore Amity more than we were able to last time we were there. Get you away from a lot of the bad memories and take your mind off things for a bit. I thought it would do you some good, getting away from here for a little while. But if you don't want to come I won't go and someone else can do it, I promise."

"O-okay. Let's go."

"Are you sure?" I nod.

"W-when do we l-leave?"

"Next week. I'll get Hana to give us another portable tank that we can take with us as well, just in case." I nod again and go back to eating. "Sorry if I scared you."

"It's okay."

…

A week later and we are on our way to Amity, Tobias is driving the car he was given for becoming a leader, and I am in the passenger seat next to him. Turns out Christina and Uriah are having a girl. I bet Christina can't wait to drag her daughter shopping, and dress her up in cute outfits, and host slumber parties for all her friends. We girls had a slumber party at Christina's apartment a couple of weeks ago. It was fun but way over the top. I mean, there were balloons, streamers and banners everywhere. It was almost as if we were celebrating something, but we weren't celebrating anything. It was just a sleepover.

Tobias has taken me out on a few dates recently as well. They've been the best things to happen since I joined Dauntless in all honesty. The first one was at the Ferris wheel. We climbed it again, but not as high as we did during capture the flag, we stopped at the ledge and sat on it for a little while. We also had a nice picnic as we sat next to the wheel, and we watched the sun set and looked at the stars. It was a beautiful evening. Another one took place at the net. We ate a meal under the net and when we were done we climbed onto it, laid on our back, and watched the stars again. It's become like our thing. Watching the sun set and looking at the stars. We do those things after every date, and sometimes from our balcony as well.

He is just amazing.

…

We've been in Amity for a week now. It's been great. We've been staying in a little, two bedroom hut on the outskirts of the other houses. It's beautiful. The whole bottom floor is open plan. It's a living room, a dining room and a kitchen in one large room. Then you go upstairs and there's the master bedroom, an airing cupboard, a bathroom, and a double sized bedroom.

Every day I wake up and Tobias has made something nice for breakfast. Then he goes to work until lunch time whilst I stay at home and read a book or whatever. Then he comes home to something I made for lunch and we spend the afternoon exploring, picking apples in the orchards, or strawberries in the fields. We help out some Amity folk as they harvest or fill the trains with goods. We eat dinner in the cafeteria, not eating any of the bread, and then we lay on the grass outside our hut and watch the sun set and look at the stars. I haven't had as many nightmares or anything since we've been here either. I guess that's a good thing.

Tobias is at work for the morning at the moment, and I am at home, reading a book I found in a chest, waiting for about half eleven to come around so I can start making us some lunch.

There's a knock on the door and I stand up to open it. There's a little girl, about ten years old maybe, wearing a yellow dress with orange flowers on it, holding a bouquet of daisies in her hands.

"Your boyfriend asked me to deliver these to you." She gives them to me then runs away. I shut the door and smile at the flowers in my hand. I notice there's a letter in between some of the flowers and I take it out before putting the flowers in a vase that I just filled up with water.

I open the letter and it reads:

 _Dearest Tris,_

 _I'm sorry if you don't like the flowers, I don't know what your favourites are and I thought they looked pretty, and simple, much like you. You are amazing, words can't even describe how I feel about you. You're beautiful, brave, smart, kind, selfless, honest, amazing, gorgeous, perfect, and so much more. You've been through so much in this past year that it makes me wonder how you haven't broken into pieces yet. I know if I had been through any of the stuff you did I probably wouldn't be here right now. So don't keep putting yourself down by saying you're weak because you aren't. You're anything but weak. And stop saying you're ugly as well because you really aren't. You're the strongest person I've ever met. And I love you, more than anything in this entire world, more than I ever have or ever will love anyone._

 _I know you're scared about the future, and I know you're dealing with a lot right now, but I promise that I'm never going to leave your side. I will always be here for you, whether that is to hold your hand when you're in pain, to hold you when you're crying, or to rub your back when you feel sick, I will always be here. No matter what happens, and no matter what you say, I am never going to leave. You wanna know why, it's because I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you. Just the thought of living without you scares the shit out of me (excuse my language). You keep telling me that you don't deserve me because I deserve someone better. But the truth is that I'm the one who doesn't deserve you, you deserve someone better than me. And I know that you'll never stop feeling that way, and I'll never stop feeling the way I do, but I'm not going anywhere. I'm in this for the long run. I'm in this until the day I die, which I hope will be when we're old and wrinkly, I hope it's the same with you as well. And you know what, I'll be in this even after the day I die, wherever I am I will always be in love with you. Nothing will ever change that._

 _And by now you're probably wondering what the hell this is all about. For starters it's me telling you how much you mean to me, but bear in mind that there isn't enough words in the dictionary that can describe how I feel for you. But if you want to know what's really going on, open the door._

A tear slips out of my eye at the end of it. He really thinks all of that about me? How can he?

And why do I have to open the door?

I put the letter down and go to the door again, and open it.

I find the shock of my life.

Tobias is on the other side, down on one knee, with a beautiful ring in his hand.

"I take it you read the letter?" I nod, still in shock as more tears trickle down my cheeks. "Beatrice Prior, I love you. And I'm going to tell you that every day for the rest of my life whether you want me to or not. I meant every single thing I wrote in that letter, and I mean so much more. There really isn't enough words in this language or any other that explains how I feel for you. I know this is probably too soon, and I know you're dealing with a lot right now, so it's completely okay if you say no. But I'm never going to leave you. Not ever. No matter what. And we don't have to get married now, I will wait forever if I have to. But Tris, my love, will you marry me?"

Is this really happening? Did he really just ask me to marry him?

More and more tears line my cheeks as I nod and manage a small 'yes'.

He smiles, sliding the ring on my finger as he stands up and kisses me, wrapping his arms around my waist as mine go around his neck. He leads us inside, still kissing me, and he shuts the door so we aren't out in the open anymore.

We only pull back when we need to catch our breaths and we are both smiling as our foreheads lean against one another.

"That is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me."

"Well, I'm glad you liked it. I'm also really glad you said yes."

"Well, I wouldn't want to marry anyone else."

"Neither would I. Did you like the flowers?"

"I love them. Thank you."

"You're welcome. Anything for you, soon to be Mrs Eaton."

"I like the sound of that."

"So do I." We cuddle up on the sofa. "When do you want to get married?"

"I don't know. Maybe in a year. Not too soon, but not too far away."

"Perfect."

"I love you, Tobias. Thank you for today, and for everything. You're amazing, too."

"You're welcome, Tris, I love you."

We stay cuddled together for a while, until we get hungry anyway and Tobias decides to make lunch for us.

We spend the afternoon in the hut, cuddling, kissing, talking, and hoping. As the sun starts to set we go outside and lay on the grass, side by side, watching and looking.

And I start thinking that maybe, just maybe, I can have a little bit of hope for the future. I still won't believe it until it actually happens, but I can have a little bit of hope. And I think that is enough for now.

 **Hey Ravens.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	9. Home from Amity

Love Goes On

Chapter 9: Home from Amity

We are now heading home from our trip to Amity. I have to say that I'm going to miss it. It is really beautiful there, and it's been the best time I've had since the war. Less nightmares and flashbacks. Less horrible memories. But Dauntless is our home. Nothing can change that.

As soon as we get to Dauntless we head to the cafeteria to grab some food. We sit at our friend's table and they all welcome us back with open arms.

"Tris!" Christina squeals, interrupting our friends from the conversation they were having. We all look at her like she's crazy.

"What?"

"What is that on your finger?"

I look at my engagement ring and realise that's what she's talking about.

"Uh, my engagement ring."

"You're getting married?"

"Yeah, we're getting married."

Our friends all cheer and congratulate us. They also ask us questions about when the wedding is going to be, and how he proposed, etc.

But it's good to be back.

…

After lunch Christina insists on spending some time with me. She drags me back to her apartment and we sit on her sofa, her hands lay on her large bump and I can't help but think of my low possibility of having children again. But I push it to the back of my mind.

"How's everything going?" I ask.

"Fine. We've got everything ready for the baby, we're just waiting for her to come into the world. Everyone is doing great as well. But we all missed you whist you were in Amity."

"We missed you all, too. Have you thought of a name for her, yet?"

"Yup. We've decided to name her Marlene Lynn Pedrad."

Marlene. Lynn. Two of our friends that died because of me. Because I'm Divergent and Jeanine wanted to test on me. Or because I made her run into battle.

Memories flash through my mind of both of my friends that died. That time with Lynn in the elevator on the way to zip lining. That time with Uriah shooting a muffin off Marlene's head. All of it.

"Tris. You okay?" Christina snaps me out of it.

"Y-yeah. It's a b-beautiful name."

"Thanks. I'm sorry for upsetting you, again."

"I-it's okay."

"No, Tris, it's not. I constantly upset you. Ever since you had that mental breakdown I have been upsetting you. And I know that a lot of the time it's just because I'm pregnant and you might not be able to have kids. I see the way you look at my bump and I just feel so sorry, and upset because I know my best friend might not be able to have this. And I know Hana told you something else because you've been more upset about it. I dragged you into that baby store and you ran out because you couldn't handle it. And there's a chance that Zeke and Shauna can have kids now as well, and I just feel so bad because you might not be able to…"

"What? Have they figured something out for paralysis?"

"Yeah. Cara has made a serum and has tested it on some people with different forms of paralysis, it's been working on all of them. Now she wants to give it to Shauna. But that's beside the point. Tris, I constantly upset you. I know that whenever you're around me you think about the fact that you might not be able to have children, because I can see it in your eyes. I know whenever the baby comes up in a conversation you don't talk about it because it upsets you. I know that you are struggling to cope in Dauntless because of all the shitty memories here. I know that I have just upset you by telling you I'm naming my daughter after two of the people that we were friends with, who died, and you blame yourself for their deaths. But Tris it's not your fault. None of it is your fault. It's all Jeanine's fault. She's the person who started all of this. So please stop blaming yourself… What did Hana tell you?"

I feel tears pool in my eyes.

"T-that I have a-a t-ten to t-twenty percent c-c-chance of h-having a healthy b-b-baby if I e-ever get p-pregnant."

She looks at me with sadness and guilt in her eyes.

"Tris, you can't lose hope. There's still a chance you can have a baby."

"Not a b-big one. I n-need to g-go."

I stand and walk out of the door, not listening to any of her protests.

When I get home I just plop onto the sofa. Tobias must be out with the boys or whatever. I bring my knees up to my chest and cry into them.

It isn't long before I hear the door open and close. I look up and see Tobias standing there with sad eyes. But when he sees my tears he rushes over and embraces me, holding me close to him.

"What's the matter?" He asks.

"Everything… Did you hear the news? Shauna's going to get unparalysed."

"Yeah, Zeke told me."

"It seems like everything's working out for everyone but us."

"We'll be okay. I'll always be here for you. No matter what. I promise. I love you."

"I love you, too."

"Why are you crying?"

"Uh, Christina and I had a nice discussion about how my life is pretty harsh and how she keeps upsetting me just by being pregnant. She just kept talking. And apparently I've been more upset since what Hana told me about the chances of us having a healthy baby are, she asked me what she said. I told her then left. I just couldn't handle all the talk of the war and everything. And she told me that she was going to name her daughter Marlene Lynn Pedrad. I just… couldn't handle it."

"I really wish she could keep her mouth shut sometimes."

"Same. But she's my friend. I can't keep anything from her without her knowing something's going on. Then she just talks and asks questions. And if I lie to her she'll know it."

"Damn her Candor past, right?"

I laugh a little.

"Tris, I know life has been pretty difficult for the past year, but we'll get through it, and whatever else life throws at us, together."

"I know we will. I just want things to get better. And right now I feel like they won't. I will be jealous, and sad, at what Christina has until the day I have it, if there is a day that we will have a baby anyway. And I know now that Shauna and Zeke will have it too. And I again will be jealous, and sad, when they have it until the day I have it. Nothing can change that. But one thing I do know is that I will always have you, no matter what happens, and I'm grateful for that. I'm happy that I won't have to be completely alone until the day I die."

"Things will get better, I'm sure of it. How about we start planning the wedding? Take our minds off everything for a bit."

"But it's not going to be for another year."

"So, we can still plan it, right now. When do you want it to be?"

"Exactly a year after the day you proposed."

"Okay. Where do you want it to be?"

"In front of the Ferris wheel." I'm smiling now.

"Where do you want the reception to be?"

"By the net."

"Maid of honour?"

"Christina. Best man?"

"Zeke. Colours?"

"Black and grey."

"Cake?"

"Dauntless chocolate cake."

"Guest list?"

"Zeke, Christina, Uriah, Shauna, Evelyn if she can get in for the day, Cara, Matthew, Hana, Amar, George, Peter, Bud, Harrison, Johanna, Jack, Susan and Robert."

We continue discussing the wedding for a while and it makes me feel a lot better. I'm glad to know we have something exciting to think about coming up in the future. Something that's for the two of us. Something that's happy.

I'm getting married in forty nine weeks and I can't wait.

 **Hey Ravens, how are you?**

 **I know some of you are a bit annoyed that I keep mentioning Tris possibly not being able to have kids, and Christina or whoever mentioning the baby, or babies in general. But it is integral to the story I'm afraid. So if you don't like it you don't have to read it. If you were in her situation, with only a low chance of ever having a healthy baby, I'm sure you'd be upset if one of your friends got pregnant and had a healthy baby, or if you were dragged into a baby store, or if your friends just kept going on about children. I would be upset if it were me.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	10. Unparalysed

Love Goes On

Chapter 10: Unparalysed

It has been twenty nine weeks since Caleb died and the war ended. Fifty four weeks since the war started and my parents died. Sixty weeks since I chose Dauntless. Twenty six weeks since Christina got pregnant. Twenty three weeks since my mental breakdown and I was told about my high chances of miscarrying or premature labour if I ever got pregnant. Four weeks since I got engaged.

There are forty eight weeks until my wedding day. Fourteen weeks until Christina's due. An hour until Shauna gets unparalysed by the serum that Cara created.

We are all in the hospital in Erudite, waiting for Shauna, Zeke and Cara to enter from the room where they are running tests and getting ready to unparalyse her. Out of the corner of my eyes I can see Christina rubbing her large bump. Uriah has an arm around her shoulders and his other hand rests on her belly.

Tobias holds me in his arms and my head rests on his shoulder. Hana is next to Uriah. Amar and George are next to her.

An hour and a half later is when they come out. And Shauna is walking, whilst holding Zeke's hand. But she's walking. All of them have huge smiles on their faces and we all smile as well. Somehow we end up in a huge, awkward-ish, group hug as we congratulate them.

We head back to Dauntless, all of us except Cara who had to keep working in Erudite, and we go to the cafeteria for Dauntless cake to celebrate. We all sit there, talking about god knows what, and laughing occasionally.

And Zeke proposes. He suddenly 'falls' off his chair and gets on one knee in front of her. He does this long, romantic speech about how they've known each other forever, and he's loved her since they were little he was just too much of a Pansycake to ask her out until after their initiation. He says that he wants a long, beautiful future with her filled with happiness, and children. And he will do whatever it takes to make her happy. Then he pops the question and she squeals out a yes. He slides the beautiful silver band with a large black diamond on it on her finger and they kiss, passionately.

"Stop with the PDA." Uri yells but he has a smile on his face. We all do.

We congratulate them for the second time today.

After a little while more of talking and joking around Tobias and I go home.

We sit on the sofa, cuddling together.

"Are you okay? You were rather quiet."

"Yeah. It's just, everything, I guess. I miss my parents, and my brother. And since the war it seems like everyone else's life is getting better, but mine. I mean, I have you, and we're engaged, and I'm happy. I really am happy. I just, can't stop thinking about everything that's gone on. And I can't stop thinking about the future, and what may or may not happen. And I really wish that my family were still here, with me, to help me. I need them. But they're not here. I keep thinking about losing you, and our friends, and what that would do to me. I would break if I lost any more people in my life. Then I think about if I ever get pregnant and what would happen then. If I lost a baby, our baby. I would blame myself, and I would feel so guilty, and I would break some more. I just don't know what to do. And I want my parents with me, but I can't have them because they're dead."

I start crying and Tobias holds me close to him so I can cry into his shirt.

"You'll always have me, Tris. No matter what happens, I'll be here. Every step of the way. I love you. I'm your family now." He kisses the top of my head.

"I love you, too."

"Your parents and brother will always be with you Tris. In your heart. And they will always be watching over you, protecting you."

I smile slightly at that.

It takes me a little while to stop crying.

"Evelyn's allowed to come for the wedding, by the way. And since I'm a leader now I've made it so that she can actually come back to the city to stay after the wedding as well. She wants to talk to you some time."

"Okay. Does she know about… everything?"

"Some of it. Just the basics."

I nod against his chest.

"We'll be okay, you and me. I promise."

"I know we will. I'm just… scared, Tobias."

"I know you are. I am, too. But no matter what happens to us, I'm always going to be here with you. I promise."

"Yeah. And I'm thankful that you'll always be with me. But I'll always be here for you, no matter what happens to us. I promise. And I know I've put you through a lot of shit recently, I'm sorry about that…"

"Tris you don't have to say sorry. It's okay. I understand. This past year has been difficult on both of us, but things will get better, eventually. I promise. I will do whatever it takes to make you happy again."

"I know. I am happy, just not completely. I'm happy I'm getting married to you. And I'm happy that I get to spend the rest of my life with you. And that we have amazing friends, even if I haven't been a good friend recently. But with the PTSD I don't think I'll ever be completely happy. You do make me very happy, though."

"I'm glad to know that. But I'll continue to try and make you happy until the day I die."

"Same here."

And I kiss him, hard. I move so I'm straddling him and wrap my arms around his neck as his travel around my waist.

"I don't think we should go too far…"

"No, Tobias, I want this. I want you."

"Are you sure?"

I nod and we continue, moving to the bedroom and, well… you know.

 **Hey Ravens, how are you? Sorry for the wait.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	11. Speaking with Evelyn

Love Goes On

Chapter 11: Speaking with Evelyn

Tobias and I are at our apartment, cuddled on the sofa together. A week has passed since Shauna and Zeke got engaged. Christina is now twenty seven weeks pregnant. I am still mental.

Forty Seven weeks until I get married to the love of my life.

The phone rings and Tobias picks it up, putting it against his ear.

"Hey, Evelyn… Yeah, she's hear with me now… Sure." He gives me the phone and I reluctantly take it from him, placing it against my ear.

"Hey, Evelyn." I say.

"Hello, Tris. Look, I just want to say that I'm sorry, about everything I did and said during the war. I just wanted Tobias to myself, since I only just got him back, and I took it out on you. But now I realise that he isn't going to leave you, and that you love each other. Nothing can break true love. So, I'm sorry. And I understand if you don't forgive me right away, I understand if you don't ever. But I want to be a part of yours and Tobias' life. I want to be there for you. I know how hard life is when your parents aren't there with you. But I'll help with everything, I promise. I'm here for you."

"It's okay. I understand. I forgive you. Thanks." I say as tears fill my eyes but I push them down.

"That's okay. I can't wait for the wedding. When's it going to be?"

"In forty seven weeks."

"Oh. Have you picked out a dress yet?"

"No. My maid of honour is pregnant and she insisted that we have to get the bridesmaid dresses and my dress together. So we have to wait for her to have the baby, but she's due in like thirteen weeks. So we'll be going shopping soon."

"Well, whatever dress you get I'm sure you'll look beautiful in it."

"Thanks. How are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine, but I can't wait to get back and see you and Tobias. How are you?"

"I'm okay, I guess."

"Tobias told me what's been going on. You don't have to lie to me, Tris. I know you're far from okay. But I'm here, if you ever need to talk or whatever. I'm here for you."

I notice Tobias is no longer in here, with me, and a tear slips out of my eye.

"No, I'm not okay. I'm happy, to be with Tobias and that I'm marrying him. But I'm scared. And I don't know what to do. I miss them so much. All of them. I still need them. And with everything going on I want them more and more. I just…"

I start crying more and I hear her telling me soothing things, like what my mother would say to me when I was hurt, or sick, or had a bad dream.

"Tris, it's okay. I'm here. Tobias and I are your family now. We're here for you. I promise."

"I know. Thank you. I, uh, have to go now." I say as Tobias walks back in from the kitchen. I give him the phone and just sit there, crying. He soon says goodbye and puts the phone down before wrapping me in his arms, holding me into his chest.

"We'll be okay. I promise." He whispers to me.

"I know. I'm sorry."

"You have no reason to be sorry. I love you."

"I love you, too. Can you sing to me, please?"

My mum used to sing to me when I was sad.

"What do you want me to sing?"

"Surprise me."

"When you try your best but you don't succeed  
When you get what you want but not what you need  
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep  
Stuck in reverse

When the tears come streaming down your face  
When you lose something you can't replace  
When you love someone but it goes to waste  
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
I will try to fix you

High up above or down below  
When you're too in love to let it go  
But if you never try you'll never know  
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face  
When you lose something you cannot replace  
Tears stream down your face  
And I

Tears stream down your face  
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes  
Tears stream down your face  
And I

Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones  
And I will try to fix you."

I'm smiling by the end of it because I know it's true. He will do anything for me. He is my light to guide me home. He will do anything he can to fix me.

I know he will. And I will for him as well.

Also, he was really good at singing.

I love him.

 **Hey Ravens, how are you?**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	12. Baby Shower

Love Goes On

Chapter 12: Baby Shower

It has been thirty three weeks since Caleb died and the war ended. Fifty eight weeks since the war started and my parents died. Sixty four weeks since I chose Dauntless. Thirty weeks since Christina got pregnant. Twenty seven weeks since my mental breakdown. Eight weeks since I got engaged. Four weeks since Shauna became unparalysed and got engaged to Zeke.

There are forty four weeks until my wedding day. Ten weeks until Christina is due to give birth to her daughter. And an hour until her baby shower.

Great. An hour until I'm surrounded by baby stuff, and baby talk. Christina was hesitant to invite me considering, well everything. In fact she invited Tobias and I last. But apparently this is what they do in Candor, and in Dauntless, when someone is expecting. Even her mum and sister are attending the event, so is Cara, and Matthew.

I am sitting on the sofa, honestly thinking about how I'm going to make it through the baby shower without crumbling. Tobias comes and sits next to me, wrapping his arms around me in a comforting embrace.

"Hey, it'll be fine. I'll be there, with you. If it gets too much I'll bring you straight back home, okay. I'm sure they'll understand." He kisses the top of my head sweetly and I nod.

"Cara, Matthew, her mum and her sister won't."

"Well, it'll be okay. We'll be okay. I promise. I'll be by your side the entire time."

"I know you will be. I'm just, nervous."

"So am I."

I kiss him gently on the lips and look into his eyes.

"I love you, Tobias."

"I love you, too."

…

We're standing outside of Christina's apartment and I can hear laughing coming from the inside. Tobias has the presents in his hands. I hesitantly knock on the door and soon Uriah opens it, smiling. He lets us in and we put the presents with the others. Everyone is already here.

There are banners that read things like 'Happy Baby Shower!' and 'It's a girl', pink and white balloons and streamers are everywhere as well. There's a table full of food and drink on the left hand wall. Christina sits in the middle of the large sofa, her mum on one side and her sister on the other. Hana sits on the arm chair and everyone else is scattered around on the floor.

Tobias and I sit on the floor behind the coffee table, which is where all of the presents are.

"Right, present time!" Uriah says like a little kid would on their birthday. He's so excited for this baby, he's going to be a good dad.

If I were to ever get pregnant I doubt I would get that excited, I'd be happy, I guess. But I'd be too terrified of losing the baby that I won't be excited.

Christina opens the presents since she's the one carrying the baby, but Uriah sits next to her and gives them to her. They're both so happy. So excited.

I don't pay attention to the presents, knowing that if I saw anything for too long I'd start imagining things and get upset. Like I did at the baby store Christina took me to once. I know they got some more clothes for the baby, and some toys and stuff. But I don't look. I can't look.

My knees are pulled into my chest and my chin rests on top of them, I'm watching but I'm not watching. Tobias' arm is around my shoulder, and it's the only thing keeping me sane right now. I see that someone has brought her the stuffed elephant I saw and imagined our child playing with it. I look away as fast as I can, trying not to imagine it again. Trying not to see the adorable child with my hair and Tobias' eyes that will probably never exist.

I close my eyes and hide my face in my knees. Trying not to cry. Trying to breathe properly.

"Tris, are you okay? Do you want to go home?" Tobias asks me sadly, he's whispering into my ear.

"No, I'm fine." I whisper back, even though I do want to get out of here. But I won't leave, I can't do that to my best friend. I can't just up and leave, she needs her friends. She needs me.

I take a few deep breaths and look back up, into Tobias' eyes which calm me even more. I plant a kiss on his lips and look at our friends, avoiding the presents which is can see slightly in the corner of my eye.

"So, we decorated the nursery a few weeks ago, do you want to see it?" Christina questions excitedly.

Everyone cheers and gets up to follow them, Tobias and I stay put for a second or two before standing and following them, reluctantly. He holds my hand the entire time.

The room is beautiful. It has pink walls and one of the walls has the baby's name written on it in swirly, black writing. The furniture is white. The crib, the wardrobe, the chest of drawers, the changing table and the small bookshelf which is filled with children's books and a few stuffed animals here and there. There is also a toy chest stuffed with toys suitable for the baby. There's a yellow armchair next to the crib. And there's a mobile hanging above the crib which has various different kinds of animals on.

But I know that crib. It's the same white crib I saw in the shop. The one that I imagined our child in.

I let go of Tobias' hand and leave, walking to the kitchen and grabbing myself a glass of water. I lean against the counter as I drink. I hear footsteps come into the room.

"Tris, are you okay?" Christina asks as she stands next to me.

I see her large bump and look away instantly.

"Tris, I know this is hard for you, I do. I'm sorry that life has treated you like shit recently, I am. But can you at least try to be happy for me?"

"I am happy for you Christina. I'm really happy for you. You're having a family. But knowing that if I get pregnant I only have a ten to twenty percent chance of the baby actually living, it's really hard. You wouldn't know that, you're fine. You're not crazy. You don't have to worry about a high possibility of losing your kid."

"Tris, you're not crazy. And I know you have low odds of having kids, but that doesn't mean it's not going to happen. Sure, you might have a few miscarriages or whatever, but it doesn't mean you won't ever have a child. Why can't you see that? Why can't you have some faith?"

"Because I'm scared, okay? I'm terrified. If I ever get pregnant I won't be excited about it because I know it'll probably die. I'm sure if you were in my position you'd be the same way as I am. I can't have faith, or hope, not until I actually have a baby in my arms, my baby. I can't believe I'll have a child until the day I do. If that day will ever come, anyways. I'm sorry, that I'm upsetting you with the way I'm acting. I just can't help it. And I know I'm being selfish, but I can't help it."

"You're being more than selfish, Tris. I'm having a baby and you can't even act happy for me. I know you're scared, but I'm scared too. I'm seventeen for Christ sakes. I'm not ready to be a mum. Sure, I'm happy. But I need my best friend. I need help. But you can't be there for me anymore because I'm pregnant and you might not be able to have a kid. I'm sorry that might be the case, I really am. You've changed so much from the person I once knew. I know we were in a war and you lost your family. I know you've had a tough time. But I want my friend back."

"I'm not ever going to be the same again. I hope you realise that. And I'm trying to be there for you, it's just hard for me. Why can't you understand that? Why can't you understand that I need time? I need my friend, too."

I am crying so much that I can barely see anything.

"I am here for you, Tris. You're like a sister to me."

"It doesn't seem like it. You barely spend any time with me anymore. And whenever we do hang out the baby is always mentioned, even when you know it upsets me. I-I need to go now. Thanks for inviting me."

I leave the room, she calls after me but I don't listen, I need to get out of here. I rush home, trying to breathe properly, trying to stop my tears, but I can't.

I get into the apartment and make my way to my bedroom, holding the walls for support. I collapse next to the bed and grab the oxygen mask, placing it over my mouth and nose, putting the strap over my head, and feeling relief instantly. But it doesn't quench the flow of the tears.

I'm curled on the floor, in a ball, crying when Tobias finds me, ten minutes after I entered the apartment. He sits next to me on the floor and holds my hand. He gently rubs circles on the back of it, using his thumb. And he doesn't leave me, not even for one moment. His eyes are locked on mine. His comforting blue orbs are all I focus on.

And I'm glad that he's here for me. I'm glad he understands. I'm glad that he's never going to leave me.

And I'm glad to be spending the rest of my life with him.

 **Hey Ravens, how are you?**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	13. Time

Love Goes On

Chapter 13: Time

It has been thirty eight weeks since Caleb died and the war ended. Sixty three weeks since my parents died and the war started. Sixty nine weeks since I chose Dauntless. Thirty five weeks since Christina got pregnant. Thirty two weeks since my mental breakdown. Thirteen weeks since I got engaged. Nine weeks since Shauna got unparalysed and Zeke proposed to her. Five weeks since my fight with Christina.

There are thirty nine weeks until my wedding day. Five week until Christina is due to give birth.

Christina and I haven't talked since our fight. And I have to admit that I don't like not having her around. Not having her as my friend. But she has to understand that I'm not going to be the same friend I was during initiation. Too much has happened since then for me to be that same person. I've changed too much to return to that person.

I killed her first boyfriend, who was also one of my best friends. I watched my parents die. I watched many friends die. I watched a little boy die (as well as many other people). I was tested on in Erudite. My boyfriend's mum kept trying to split us up. I found out that my mum was from outside the fence. I found out that everything I knew was just an experiment and that we were lied to about everything. I sent my brother to his death. I had a mental breakdown. And I found out that there's only a slim chance of me ever having a healthy baby.

But her… She didn't kill as many people as I did. Sure, she lost friends, and her first love. She wasn't tested on for being Divergent. She didn't almost die as many times as I did. She didn't lose her mum or sister. She's pregnant with a healthy baby, who is going to be healthy when it's born. Even if it's born now there are very low chances of it dying. Its organs are fully developed, or nearly fully developed, meaning it might only need a short time in the NICU to have some help with breathing. But she's okay. Life has treated her pretty fairly recently. She's not mental like I am.

She's not crazy.

Tobias went to a leader's meeting an hour ago and I know it's probably going to take a while. They always do. So I decided to go on a walk.

I am walking through the halls of Dauntless, just thinking about everything. It seems to be one of the only things I'm good at these days. Thinking and over thinking.

I get in an elevator and press a button. Just as the doors are about to close someone comes in.

Christina.

She clicks a button and the door closes. She stands in the corner next to mine but she doesn't look at me. I want to say something.

"Christina…"

"What? What do you want?" She snaps, finally looking at me.

"I'm sorry. I really am sorry. For everything. I just need time."

"As you keep saying. You know what, not everyone is healed from the war."

"I know."

"Do you? Really? I lost people I cared about, too, Tris…"

The elevator stops moving suddenly, causing us to wobble a bit, but we hang on.

What the hell is going on?

"Sorry, the elevator seems to have broken down. We will fix it as soon as we can. Just hold on." A man's voice sounds through the speakers.

"Great. This is just what I need." Christina mutters.

"Chris…"

"Shut up! Just shut up! Okay. How can you say that I haven't been there for you? I've tried to be there for you since the moment you had your breakdown, but you can't handle being around me because you might not be able to have kids and I can. I know life has been tough on you. I know you have no biological family left and that you want to have kids so you can continue your family line or whatever, and to make them proud. But you might still be able to have kids. It's not as if there's a zero percent chance that if you get pregnant the baby will survive. You have a chance but you're too thick to see it."

Tears fill my eyes and I look at the floor.

"Fuck." I hear her whisper. I look at her to see that she's standing in a pool of water that wasn't there before. One hand is tightly holding the bar and the other is holding her stomach. She looks in pain.

Her waters have broken. She's in labour.

"No, no, no, no, no. It's too early." She's crying now.

"Christina…"

"Shut up! I don't want you anywhere near me." She sits down and huddles into the corner, crying and rubbing her large bump.

"You know I used to be a midwife, right?"

"Yeah, before you went crazy."

That hurts. Tears line my cheeks and I move to the corner furthest away from her, plopping down on the floor and holding my knees to my chest.

"Tris, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

"Yeah, you did. It's fine. I won't come near you. I'm too crazy to deliver any more babies, right? At least, that's why they fired me. Maybe I should be happy that I might not be able to have kids. I'd be too bad a mum to them if I did."

"Don't say that."

"What? I'm crazy, right? That's what you just said. That's what everyone thinks, isn't it? I see the looks that people give me now. And I see the looks that people give Tobias, and all of you, for hanging out with me. Maybe I should just leave you all alone so you can live decent lives, without me to bring you down all the time. I mean, I'm a terrible person. A terrible friend. A terrible girlfriend. And I'm going to be a terrible wife. I may as well save you all the trouble."

"And leave Tobias heartbroken? You're not a terrible person."

"You don't even want me near you because I'm crazy. And I am a terrible friend. I killed Will. It's my fault Marlene, Tori and Lynn are dead. It's my fault Shauna was paralysed. And I've put you all through so much shit."

"Tris, if it weren't for you more Abnegation would be dead because no one would have stopped the simulation. If it weren't for you Jeanine would have power over everyone and society would be terrible. If it weren't for you divergents would be tested on and killed all the time. And you did so much more, Tris…" She groans and I'm guessing it's another contraction. "You're not a terrible person." She finishes when the contraction is over.

"You hate me…"

"I don't hate you. I could never hate you…"

"You did when you found out I killed Will."

"No, I didn't hate you. I just didn't particularly like you for a little while. I was shocked, overwhelmed, and upset. But then I realised that I didn't really know him that well and what I thought was love, well, it wasn't really love. But then, after Marlene died, Uriah and I got talking and after a while I realised I love him. I could never hate you Tris. You're my sister. And I'm sorry for being a shitty friend, for upsetting you and shouting, and well, everything. I should have been there for you more without bringing up the baby. I should have understood. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too."

"It's okay. Now can we be friends again?"

"Of course. Just know that I still need time."

"I know you do… Can you come over here and be my midwife since we're probably not going to be out of here for a while?"

I nod and crawl over to her, taking her hand in mine.

"Is my baby going to be okay?" I can see how scared she is just by looking into her eyes.

"Yeah, your baby is going to be fine. Babies born after this period are generally very healthy since there organs are either fully developed or nearly fully developed. At the most they might need a little while in the NICU to help with breathing but I'm sure we'll be out of here by the time she's born. So we'll be fine. I mean, the average first labour lasts about twelve hours and I'm pretty sure it doesn't take that long to fix an elevator."

She nods as another contraction hits her, she squeezes my hand and cries out in pain.

I look at my watch and see that her contractions are every eighteen minutes.

"How long have you been getting contractions?" I ask.

"The first major one was when my waters broke."

"Okay, have you been getting lower back pain, vomiting or diarrhoea, or period like cramps recently?"

"Vomiting, back pain and cramps, why?"

"There signs of early labour. It's when you're cervix dilates to four centimetres. Are your contractions now more painful and closer together?"

"Yeah."

"So you're in active labour. How long ago did the symptoms of early labour start?"

"Two days ago, but Uriah got worried this morning and asked me to go and see a doctor. That's why I got into the elevator. So I've been in labour for two days?"

"Yeah."

"How long is active labour going to last?"

"I don't know. For some women it's really quick, for others it's slow. Where's Uriah?"

"Work." She starts sobbing.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. I'm here." I hold her in my arms and rub her lower back for her.

This is going to be a long ride.

 **Hey Ravens, sorry for the wait but I've been so busy lately that I just haven't had much time to write. Also, I go back to college next week so there will be less time and slow-ish updates. Sorry.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	14. Baby Girl

Love Goes On

Chapter 14: Baby girl

I spend five hours in the elevator, helping Christina through her labour, before the elevator moves and we're let out. Some medical staff get her on a stretcher and take her to the infirmary, I follow.

Tobias rushes over to me when I'm nearly there and I see Uriah rush over to Chris.

"Are you okay?" Tobias asks me.

"Yeah, we have to go to the infirmary. Christina's in labour."

"So, you're friends again?"

"Yeah. But we need to go."

He nods and we follow them to the infirmary, only to be told to wait in the waiting room. And we do. Tobias calls everyone and they all meet us here.

I see my old colleagues walk by and they just give me sympathetic looks, as if they know me and what I'm going through. One even comes and asks how I'm doing, like they care. If they cared they would have talked to me sooner. Asked me how I'm doing or whatever. But none of them did. None of them came to see me. Other than Hana, she's the only one of my old colleagues who actually gives a damn about me.

Tobias sits on one side of me, holding my hand, rubbing circles on the back of it with his thumb.

It takes another three hours before Hana comes out in happy tears, telling us that she's a grandma.

We all follow her to the room Christina is in and we see them. Uriah and Christina sitting on the bed, Uriah's arm around Christina's shoulders, and a baby in Christina's arms, wrapped in a pink blanket. They are both smiling down at their child but when the door closes they look up at us, still smiling, but also crying. Christina's hair is matted to her forehead with sweat but I don't think she cares about how she looks right now, she's just had her baby.

We all gather around the bed and stare in awe at the beautiful creation in our friends' arms. She really is beautiful with her tanned skin, dark eyes and dark hair. A perfect blend of both parents.

"She's beautiful." Shauna says, admiring her soon to be niece in law.

"What's her name again?" Zeke asks, smiling.

"Marlene Lynn Pedrad." Christina says tiredly, but she doesn't care.

"Do you guys want to hold her?" Uriah asks after a few minutes of silence where we all just stared at the baby. Most of us nod, but I'm slightly hesitant. I try not to let it show though. Christina places the baby in Zeke's arms and we all get the chance to hold the baby, who is completely healthy for being born five weeks early, she's small though, but she'll get bigger. Last is me, Tobias places her gently into my arms and I look at the baby who is staring up at me in awe. I smile down at her and tears fill my eyes. But they're mostly happy tears. I place a gentle kiss on her forehead and pass her to her father.

"So, uh, we were wondering if Tris and Tobias would like to be her godparents." Christina questions, looking at us shyly, not knowing whether it was the right question to ask.

I look at Tobias and he has a smile on his face, he nods to me, telling me to say yes if it's what I want.

And I do say yes. I do want to be her godmother. Even though the thought of my friends having babies when I have a slim chance of actually having a healthy baby in my arms one day makes me upset, I know that I need to be a better friend. I need to stop trying to let that thought cloud my mind all the time. As Christina said I may still be able to have a kid or two, sure I might have a few miscarriages or whatever, but I can't give up all hope. So yes, I do want to be her godmother, and if I don't ever get the chance to be a mum myself I can find joy in knowing I was there for my friends and their children when they need me.

…

Tobias and I arrive home an hour later, we decided to let the new family have some rest. I change into some baggy grey sweatpants and one of Tobias' t-shirts before meeting him back in the living room. I plop on the sofa, next to him, and he wraps his arms around me, pulling me gently into his side and kissing the top of my head.

"What made you say yes to be her godmother?" He asks me. He knows how hard Christina's pregnancy was for me, he has every right to question my motives.

"Just in case I won't ever be a mother. And because I realise now that I need to be there for my friends when they need me. No matter what the situation is. It still upsets me, and I don't think I'll ever stop being upset, not until it happens for us anyway, but I need to stop letting it consume me so I can be there for the people that need me."

"Tris, you will be a mum one day, I'll make sure of it."

"You can't keep saying that, Tobias. I know there's still a chance of us having kids, I do. But it is a small chance. And I don't want to get my hopes up only to never have a child. If you keep saying that it will only get my hopes up even more and then I'll be crushed if something happens and I never get to have kids. I do have hope, just not that much of it. I have enough hope for me to not feel too much pain if it never happens and I don't want to keep hearing you tell me I'll be a mum one day when we both know that the odds are too high for it to not happen. So please, stop saying things like that. I know you're saying it for both of us, I do, but I can't handle hearing you say it every day." Tears are falling out of my eyes at a fast rate by the end of this.

"Tris, I…"

"I know. I know. I just can't keep hearing it, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'm sorry, I…"

"You have no reason to be sorry, I understand."

We sit in silence for a while.

"You were good, with the baby I mean."

"Don't say things like that either."

"Okay. Sorry."

"You have no reason to be sorry. It's all me. But you were good with the baby as well." And he was. He was amazing with her, adorable. And that is what pains me even more about the high possibility of me not being able to give him children. He is so good with them that I just… I want to give him a baby, I want a baby, but the chances are so small.

I breathe in his scent, knowing that it helps me to calm down.

I feel a tear land on my forehead and I know he is crying as well. Because of me most likely.

I get up and make my way to our room, I can't handle making him upset.

I climb into our bed and cry myself to sleep.

 **Hey Ravens, I am so sorry for the wait but I have been so busy lately, and I started back at college last Monday so I have had loads of homework and things to do. But I will try to make up some kind of schedule so I can write some more.**

 **What do you think is going to happen next? I have ideas of what I want to do in this story but I want to know what you either want to happen or think is going to happen to any of the characters in this story. I think this story is going to be quite long because there is so much that I want to do with it, but I want to know what you want or think is going to happen.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	15. The Next Day

Love Goes On

Chapter 15: The Next Day

I wake up to find Tobias sitting next to me, smiling down at me sadly.

"Why did you get up so suddenly, and come in here, last night?"

"Because I made you cry. I don't like making you upset, and I know that I'm just going to keep making you upset. And that hurts me."

"Tris, you don't make me upset."

"Yeah, I do. Last night you were crying because I told you to stop saying we'll have a baby one day. You cry every time I panic because of my PTSD. You'll cry every time I lose a baby because my body might not be able to give us one. You cry so much because of me, and I don't like being the source of your pain."

"It's not your fault, Tris. This is all because Jeanine, Max and Eric started a war. They're the reason you have PTSD. They're the reason all of this happened. So it's not your fault. None of it is."

"It's my fault I went crazy."

"You're not crazy. You've just been through so much that you're in pain, mentally. And that isn't your fault either. If it weren't for the war your family would still be alive, our friends would be alive, and we'd all be safe. So stop blaming yourself for things that aren't your fault. The reason I'm upset isn't you, it's because people have hurt you in ways that I can't even imagine, I don't like seeing you in pain, or upset, that is why I get upset. Not because of you, but because of what people have done to you. You don't deserve any of the shit that you have been through this past year and a bit, you don't deserve the pain you've been through, and it makes me upset that you've been in pain, and you still are in pain."

Tears are falling out of my eyes. How can he keep saying such nice things to me? How can he still love me?

He wraps me safely in his arms and I cry into his chest.

When is life going to get better?

 **Hey, sorry for the short chapter, I've been busy.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	16. Babysitting

Love Goes On

Chapter 16: Babysitting

There has been forty three weeks since Caleb died and the war ended. Sixty eight weeks since my parents died and the war started. Seventy four weeks since I chose Dauntless. Forty weeks since Christina got pregnant. Thirty seven weeks since my mental breakdown. Eighteen weeks since I got engaged. Fourteen weeks since Shauna got unparalysed and engaged to Zeke. Ten weeks since my fight with Christina. Five weeks since we became friends again and she gave birth to her daughter.

There are thirty four weeks until my wedding day.

And today I am babysitting Marlene whilst Christina and Uriah go to work. I will be alone for a while since Tobias has to go to a leaders meeting.

I have to say that I'm not particularly looking forward to it, I mean Marlene is adorable and such a good baby, but I don't know if I'll be able to handle looking after her on my own. But I have to since everyone else is at work and she isn't old enough to go to a nursery yet. And I did agree to be her godmother so I guess this is the kind of thing I have to do, right?

I am sitting on the sofa, wearing some black leggings and a baggy grey t-shirt. I am alone in the apartment because Tobias has already left for his leaders meeting. I am just waiting for Christina to get here with her daughter.

I am practically shitting myself right now. I've never really looked after a baby before, and I'm crazy.

There's a knock on the door and I open it. Christina is on the other side, smiling, with her daughter in one arm and a bag in the other. She places those things in my arms as well, kisses her daughter's forehead, thanks me and rushes off. It's her first day back at work since she had the baby.

I close the door and walk back to the sofa, I place the bag on the floor next to the sofa I am sitting on and look at the sleeping baby in my arms. She is wearing a light pink onesie and a white hat. In her mouth is a black dummy. And she's clinging to a teddy bear.

I really have no idea what to do. I would put her on my bed or something, but I don't want to wake her up by moving her around too much and walking up the stairs.

God, what do I do?

Tobias isn't going to be home for another few hours. There's no one else that can come here and help me.

Tears fill my eyes and I let them fall. But I try to calm myself down. I can't have a panic attack or something when I'm meant to be looking after a baby. My best friend's baby.

"What am I supposed to do, hey?" I whisper to nothing in particular.

It is then that she decides to wake up crying.

"Hey, shh, shh. It's okay. I'm here." Help me.

I smell her diaper and I can't smell anything so she must be hungry, right?

I take a full bottle out of the bag and go to the kitchen to heat it up. When it is at the right temperature I go back to the sofa with her in my arms and feed it to her, she calms down instantly. She watches me as I feed her, she looks curious. I smile gently at her, not really knowing what to do.

Tears are still flowing from my eyes and I smile more as she lifts her small hand up to me, wanting to wipe them away.

"I'm okay." I whisper to her.

I'm not okay. But she's not old enough to understand anything, so I just smile.

As soon as she's done with the bottle I burp her, using the technique Christina showed me a couple of days ago. And then she is asleep again. I just watch her sleep, in my arms, wondering what she is dreaming about, if she is dreaming anyway. Or if she is just sleeping.

She's grown quite a bit since her birth. She's not as tiny as she was five weeks ago. But she's still small.

I wish I can do this with one of mine and Tobias' children one day. But I'm not even sure we'll have one, let alone more than one.

A few hours later, Marlene is still asleep in my arms, and Tobias enters the apartment. He smiles when he sees me and her, I know he wants to say something but he stops himself.

He takes off his shoes and jacket and comes to sit next to us.

"Hey." He kisses my lips gently.

"Hey. How was the meeting?"

"Boring, as usual. How was your day?"

"Okay, I guess. Can you hold her for a bit whilst I go to the toilet?"

"Of course."

I gently put her in his arms and I leave. I make my way to our en-suite and do my business.

When I get back downstairs I find the most adorable sight ever. Tobias is holding Marlene, looking down at her with a small smile, and she's looking back at him with a curious glance, she's holding onto his finger, and he's whispering things to her, sweet things.

"Your godmother is the most amazing woman in the world. She's so strong, brave, selfless, intelligent, honest and kind. And I love her so, so much. More than I could ever love anything, except our children of course, I will love them just as much as I love her. No matter what happens. But she's been through so much horrible stuff in her short life so far that she's broken, and I don't know how to fix her. I want to fix her, so bad, I just don't know how. I want to promise her that we will have children one day and I want her to believe it but she won't. And I understand why, sometimes I can't believe it myself, but I try to, for her. I need to be strong for her. Do you know how I can help her? Do you know how I can make her believe that we'll be a family one day? Do you know how I can give her hope? She's already lost so much and I don't want her to lose anything else. But we know it's likely, and I wouldn't know how to fix her if it does happen because I'll need fixing too. But I will always try to be strong for her because I love her. I would do anything to make her happy. And to protect her. And I can't wait for our wedding. It will be one of the best days of my life. I just hope that she doesn't change her mind."

"I wouldn't change my mind." I say as I enter the room. He looks at me and smiles.

"How much of that did you hear?"

"I think I heard all of it. But it was sweet. And why would I change my mind about marrying you?"

I sit next to him and all I can think is that I can't give this to him. I can't give him children. I can't see this adorable image with him and our own daughter or son. None of those things are likely to happen.

"I don't know. You might realise that I'm not the guy you want to be with…"

"You are the guy that I want to be with, Tobias. That's never going to change. If anything I'm more scared that you don't want to marry me."

"Of course I want to marry you, Tris. I love you."

"I love you, too."

I kiss him and we continue to look after the baby until about five in the afternoon. It was an okay day in the end.

 **Hey Ravens.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	17. Wedding Dress Shopping

Love Goes On

Chapter 17: Wedding Dress Shopping

There have been fifty two weeks since Caleb died and the war ended. Seventy seven weeks since my parents died and the war started. Eighty three weeks since I chose Dauntless. Forty nine weeks since Christina got pregnant. Forty six weeks since my mental breakdown. Twenty seven weeks since I got engaged. Twenty three weeks since Shauna got unparalysed and engaged to Zeke. Nineteen weeks since my fight with Christina. Fourteen weeks since we became friends again and she gave birth to her daughter. Nine weeks since I started babysitting her daughter four days a week.

There are twenty five weeks until my wedding day.

And today is the day that the girls and I are going wedding dress shopping. We're getting mine, and Shauna's, wedding dresses. Shauna and I are getting a bridesmaids dress each too (mine will be one to wear at her wedding, and hers will be one to wear at my wedding), the others are getting two bridesmaids dresses.

Shauna is getting married to Zeke in thirty weeks.

I am walking to the Pit at the moment, on my way to meet Shauna, Christina (who will be bringing Marlene with her because Uriah has work), Cara and Hana. Christina is my maid of honour so she's going to have a slightly different dress than the others are having. And I am Shauna's maid of honour so I am going to have a slightly different dress to the others for her wedding.

Tobias and I have planned everything for the wedding now, I just need to sort out the dresses and we're done.

We're getting married by the Ferris wheel, the only people coming are our close friends and family. Our reception is going to be by the net, where everyone first enters Dauntless after the choosing ceremony. He has the suits for the boys sorted. We've got the rings, flowers, cake, food, and decorations sorted. The person marrying us is going to be Harrison. Our honeymoon is going to be in the same house we stayed in when we went to Amity for a month, but this time Tobias won't have to leave on occasion to do work, and we'll only be there for a week. The girls are sorting out my hair and make-up. The best man is Zeke. The ring bearer is Uriah. The person walking me down the aisle, and giving me away, is going to also be Uriah. The colours are going to be grey, black and blue (they represent our pasts and our futures, but also my family).

It's all sorted.

We've decided to get the dresses now because Christina is finally back into her pre-pregnancy figure, and we want to be prepared. Also, it's the only time where all of the girls are going to have a day off from work in a while so we have to take it.

I find them all in the middle of the Pit, waiting. I smiling and walk over to them.

This is going to be fun.

…

I found it. The perfect wedding dress. It's a light shade of grey, it puffs out from the waist and its full length. There aren't any straps, the back is tied together with black silk lace. There are black sequins on the bodice in a swirly pattern, among those are some diamonds. It's amazing.

This was the last dress we found. For some reason I couldn't find the perfect wedding dress until we had sorted out all of the other dresses. But the one I finally managed to find really is perfect.

I'm keeping both the wedding dress and the maid of honour dress at Christina's apartment so Tobias doesn't see them. As well as the shoes.

When I arrive home I find Tobias asleep on the sofa. I smile at him, he looks adorable when he sleeps. I kneel on the floor in front of him and place a gentle kiss on his lips, waking him up.

"Hey, you're back." He says sleepily.

"Yeah."

"What time is it?"

"About five. You get some rest, I'll make dinner tonight."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you, too." I kiss him again and make my way to the kitchen.

I decide to make spaghetti and meatballs, because I know how much he loves it. I also make some garlic bread because he likes that as well. So do I, of course.

"So, when can I see your dress?"

"When we get married."

He wraps his arms around my waist from behind and kisses my neck.

"Why do I have to wait so long?"

"It's bad luck for the groom to see the dress before the wedding. And I think we've had enough bad luck as it is right now." I mutter the last bit but he still hears it.

"We'll be okay. I promise."

"I know." But will we? Will we be able to handle whatever else life wants to throw at us? I don't know. But I hope we can, because I can't lose him.

"Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, it was good. I missed you, though."

"I missed you, too. It was boring without you."

"So boring you fell asleep?"

"Yep. Do you need any help?"

"No, I'm fine. I said I'll make dinner tonight and I will, so go and sit down, or sleep. I'll call you when it's done."

He nods, pecks my lips and leaves.

That night we have dinner and watch a few movies before going to bed. But it's nice. This is one of the best days I've had in a while.

 **Hey Ravens, how are you?**

 **Someone suggested that I make Tris pregnant but she doesn't find out until she's quite far along in the pregnancy, or in labour, so she doesn't stress out as much about the possibility of losing him or her. Now, this might happen at some point in the story but I'm not promising anything. If you want something to happen in this story you can PM me or put it in your reviews and I will honestly consider putting them into this story, or one of my others. Though I have an idea of where I want this story to go I do like to get the readers involved in it as well, also, I want to make you happy and I feel that if you tell me some things you want to happen and I put them in there you might be a little happier with the story. Though, I can't promise anything, there is, however, a chance that your idea might make it into the story, so if you want something to happen just tell me.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review! Or PM me.**


	18. Final Preparations

Love Goes On

Chapter 18: Final preparations

There have been seventy seven weeks since Caleb died and the war ended. One hundred and two weeks since my parents died and the war started. One hundred and eight weeks since I chose Dauntless. Seventy four weeks since Christina got pregnant. Seventy one weeks since my mental breakdown. Fifty two weeks since I got engaged. Forty eight weeks since Shauna got unparalysed and engaged to Zeke. Forty four weeks since my fight with Christina. Thirty nine weeks since we became friends again and she gave birth to her daughter. Thirty four weeks since I started babysitting her daughter four days a week.

And tomorrow is my wedding day.

I am getting married tomorrow.

I'm so excited!

But nervous at the same time.

What if Tobias changes his mind about marrying me? What if he doesn't love me anymore because I'm crazy and I might not be able to give him the family he wants? What if…?

No. He's going to marry me, right?

Anyway, the past few weeks have been okay. I've had a lot of nightmares, which are gradually getting worse the more nervous I'm getting, not just about the wedding but about everything, Tobias helps me through them though. Like always. I've had a few flashbacks but the worse they've been getting is me needing help breathing. I haven't had any seizures, thank god. We've been going through final preparations for the wedding. But today we are going through the final of the final preparations. But that's really it.

Right now the boys are setting up the venues and us girls are making sure all the dresses are intact, and the food is getting sorted, etc. It's going to be a busy day. Evelyn's coming back today as well. She'll be staying with Tobias and I until she gets her own place, we said she could stay all the time since we have plenty of room, but she insisted. Tonight Tobias is staying at Zeke and Shauna's whilst the girls stay with me at our apartment. I'm nervous about that because he's really the only one that can help me if I get a nightmare, and without him by my side and based on recent trends, I am probably going to get one.

Evelyn and I have been talking on the phone quite a bit recently. She's been helping me whilst I've been babysitting Marlene, and with everything. We're getting along really well, surprisingly. Tobias is picking her up from the fence when he's done with the venues and then he's bringing her here for dinner. After dinner he has to go because it's bad luck for him to see me the night before the wedding or whatever.

The girls and I have just finished what we're meant to be doing so we head back to my place and decide to watch a movie. We also picked up some sweets, chocolate, ice cream and popcorn, enough to last us the night.

At about six Tobias comes home and Evelyn follows behind him, her suitcase trailing behind her. I stand up and walk over to her, taking her in my arms, and she hugs me as well.

After saying our hello's and I take Evelyn's bag to her bedroom we gather around the dining table in the dining room and eat dinner, which is just some pizza but it's enough.

Now Tobias has to go. We are standing outside the apartment, wrapped in each other's arms.

"You'll be okay, alone for the night, won't you?" He's hesitant about leaving me because of the nightmares.

"I'm sure I'll be fine. If I need you I'll call. I don't want to be away from you either. But after tomorrow we get to spend every night of the rest of our lives together. Plus, I'm not completely alone. I have your mum, and the girls. I'll be fine. Though, I'm sure none of us will be getting a good night's sleep considering Marlene wakes up a lot, according to Christina."

"I love you so, so, much, Tris."

"I love you, too, Tobias. Just don't get drunk."

"None of us are drinking tonight, I promise. Since Uriah became a dad he hasn't been drinking at all, and the rest of us decided it was about time to grow up. Also, I don't want to have a hangover tomorrow."

"Okay. I'll see you at the end of the aisle."

"I'll be there. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

And we kiss passionately for about a minute before Christina clears her throat. Tobias kisses my forehead.

"Have a good night." He tells me. I nod, and then he's gone.

I walk back into the apartment and close the door.

We watch a couple of movies before going to bed. Evelyn is sleeping in her room. I'm sleeping in my room. And the others are sleeping in the living room. But when I get in bed my mind is too busy thinking for me to be able to sleep. I roll onto my side so I can smell Tobias' pillow. It smells like him. It's comforting.

And somehow I manage to go to sleep.

 **Hey Ravens, sorry for the wait but I have been so busy, and ill, recently.**

 **Later I am going to put up a poll about this story on my page and I'm hoping you could go and answer the question for me.**

 **Also, I was hoping if you could go and follow my instagram ( paige_madison_makepeace) and my Tumblr (paigemakepeace). You can ask me anything on those sites and I will answer as soon as I can. You can also PM me and I will reply when I can. I also have Facebook, though I might make another one soon for my writing where you can ask me questions etc. I do have Twitter but I am planning on getting rid of my current account and making another one when I can for the writing. On there you can ask me questions and stuff, and get news on what I am writing and when. I will tell you when I have a new one, though.**

 **Anyways, if you have anything you want to happen in this story then PM me or put it in your review and it might just happen. The next chapter is going to be their wedding day. Is there anything specific you want to happen in the next chapter, other than their wedding?**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	19. Wedding

Love Goes On

Chapter 19: Wedding

I wake up to someone shaking me and squealing my name. I look up to see Christina's face a few inches from mine.

"Trissy, it's your wedding day!" She practically screams.

"Don't call me that."

"Why are you so grouchy? You should be happy."

"Because you woke me up… at seven o'clock." I say as I peer over to the clock. "The wedding doesn't start until two, why are you waking me up now?"

"Because we have to get everyone ready, and get you to the Ferris wheel."

"We have seven hours. Let me get some more sleep, please." None of them know it but I didn't exactly have a peaceful night last night. I tried to be as quiet as possible through my nightmares.

"Fine, you can have an extra hour. We'll have breakfast ready and on the table then."

"Thank you."

Then she leaves the room and I don't go back to sleep, scared of what I'll see if I close my eyes. Wanting Tobias here with me, holding me in his arms and telling me everything is going to be okay. I'm so scared, of everything. The future. Today. Tonight.

I see my phone on the bedside table and want nothing more than to call him. Tobias. The love of my life. So I do.

I put the phone to my ears and wait for him to answer me. And he does, after three rings.

"Tris, are you okay? What's wrong?" He sounds worried.

"I had a load of nightmares last night. I, uh, I'm scared."

"What of?"

"Everything. Tonight. The future."

"Why are you scared of tonight?"

"Because of what we have to do."

"Tris, we don't have to do anything if you don't want to."

"But, we do. We have to consummate the marriage otherwise it's not proper. And, what if I get pregnant?"

"We have protection Tris."

"I know. But it doesn't always work."

"No matter what happens, we'll get through it together. Alright? I'll always be with you, no matter what, and we'll get through anything life throws at us together… Is that what your nightmares have been about? Getting pregnant and, you know?"

"Yeah. They start off good, like finding out I'm pregnant, but then something happens and the b-baby dies. And then you hate me. And leave me." Tears fill my eyes and start to pour over. My voice is shaky.

"Tris, I'm never going to leave you. Whatever happens, I'm not leaving. I love you too much to ever leave you."

"I love you, too. I'm just so scared."

"I know. But I am always going to be here for you. I'm not leaving… I wish I could come over right now and hold you."

"I wish you were here too."

"But, hey, we'll be married in just under seven hours, then we can hold each other for the rest of our lives."

"Yeah. I love you, Tobias."

"I love you, too. I'll see you later."

"See you later."

Then I end the call and put my phone back on the bedside table.

I have half an hour before breakfast but there's no way I'm getting anymore sleep.

I climb out of bed and make my way to the kitchen where all of the girls are making a variety of things for breakfast.

"Hey, I thought you wanted some more sleep." Christina says.

"Yeah, I couldn't get back to sleep."

"How about you go and relax in the living room, we'll bring you some stuff when it's done?"

"Okay. Thanks."

I sit on the sofa with my legs pulled up to my chest. I rest my forehead on my knees. That is, until, I feel someone sitting next to me.

I look up and see Evelyn there, smiling at me slightly.

"Are you okay, Tris?"

"Yeah, I just can't sleep."

"Did you have any nightmares last night?"

I don't answer. I just look down. And she takes me in her arms like my mother used to when I was upset, or ill, or when I had a nightmare, or when I just needed comforting.

"Everything will be okay, Tris. I promise."

…

This is it. I'm just about to walk down the aisle and be married to the love of my life. Uriah is standing next to me, my arm looped through his and my hands are wrapped around the bouquet of blue, black and grey flowers. The girls are in a line in front of me. First Shauna, then Cara, then Hana, then Evelyn, then Christina who is carrying Marlene in her arms. Uriah is making funny faces at his daughter, causing her to giggle.

But then the doors open and the music starts, we start to walk down the aisle in the order we are in.

My eyes don't leave Tobias' the whole time, and his don't leave mine.

When I get to him Uriah kisses my cheek and hands me off. Tobias takes my hands in his and we face each other. My bouquet in the fold of my elbow.

'You look beautiful. I love you.' Tobias mouths to me.

'You look handsome. I love you, too.' I mouth back.

It isn't long before we get to say our 'I do's, and we're both wearing silver rings, and we're walking down the aisle with people clapping and cheering us after our kiss.

Our first kiss as husband and wife.

We get the car back to Dauntless, everyone else has to get a train, which will actually stop so they can get on it easier in their dresses and suits.

The whole ride he holds me in his arms the way I wish he did last night.

But he was right when I called him this morning. Now we get to spend the rest of our lives in each other's arms.

…

We just had an amazing meal, and now Tobias and I are in the middle of the dancefloor, directly under the net. His arms around my waist and mine around his neck. We're swaying to the old song Thinking Out Loud. It's our first dance.

Everyone's watching us but we don't take any notice of them.

"I was so worried when you called me this morning."

"I know. I could hear it in your voice. I just, I needed to hear you tell me everything was going to be alright."

"Everything will be alright. I promise. I'm not going to leave you, ever."

"I know that."

"Why didn't you tell me what your nightmares were about before now?"

"Because I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle thinking about it, let alone talking about it. And if it's like that in a dream I don't know how I'm going to cope in real life."

"You'll have me here, with you. No matter what happens. I'll help you through everything."

I smile slightly. "I'm scared."

"I know. I am, too. But I will always be here, because I love you."

"I love you, too."

And I kiss him, with so much passion and love, and he kisses me back. I hear cheering in the background but I don't care.

…

We just arrived at Amity, Tobias is getting the bags out of the car whilst I stand in the middle of the room, not knowing what else to do.

When he's done he closes the door by kicking it with his foot. He drops the bags on the floor and walks over to me, smiling happily. He kisses me, and I don't hesitate to kiss back, no matter how scared I am about the future. We need to do this, and I'm not going to deprive him of sex any longer. We've done it twice and I didn't get pregnant, who's to say I'm going to get pregnant this time?

And if I do he will be with me through everything. Right?

I can't keep thinking like this. I have to be positive.

But anyway, we have a great night.

 **Hey Ravens, how are you all?**

 **If you want updates on what I am doing with writing, photography, and film making (when I get around to making short films and music videos) then you could go and friend me on my Facebook page which is dedicated to those three things. I will accept all friend requests, and after you could write me a little message saying that you are a fan of my fanfictions or whatever. You will be able to ask me anything and talk to me about anything. I will reply when I can. My name on it is Paige Madison Makepeace and the profile pic is a selfie of me wearing an orange jumper. There is one piece of photography on there from Devon. Just so you know if it is me or not.**

 **You can PM me on here at any time and I will reply when I can.**

 **I also have Instagram and Tumblr. My Instagram is paige_madison_makepeace and my Tumblr is paigemakepeace.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**

 **Also, I have put a poll up on my page for this story so I was hoping you could go and answer the question for me if you haven't already. Thanks.**


	20. The Honeymoon

Love Goes On

Chapter 20: The Honeymoon

My eyes open slowly, and the first thing I see is Tobias, sleeping peacefully next to me, his arm draped gently over my waist. He has a small smile on his face and his lips are slightly parted.

We got married yesterday.

I slowly, carefully, climb out of bed, slide on some nickers and Tobias' shirt from yesterday, and I make my way to the kitchen. I start making some bacon and pancakes for breakfast. Trying to find something to distract myself from the thoughts gathering in my head.

Tobias enters the room with a bright smile on his face just as I start to dish up. He wraps his arms around my waist from behind and kisses the top of my head.

"This smells amazing, Mrs Eaton."

"Thank you, Mr Eaton. Why don't you take a seat and I will bring it over to you?"

"I love you, so, so, much."

"I love you, too." I place a kiss on his lips and he goes to sit down whilst I finish plating up the food.

I place a plate in front of him and where I will be sitting. I pour us some glasses of orange juice and take a seat next to him.

"What did I ever do to deserve such an amazing wife?"

I smile at him, though not fully believing his statement.

"What did I ever do to deserve such an amazing husband?"

We eat in a comfortable silence after that, and Tobias cleans the dishes whilst I get ready. I have a wash and decide on some black leggings and a black crop top. I tie my hair up into a messy ponytail and spray on some nice perfume, not bothering with make-up.

As I'm getting dressed I glance down at my belly, for only a second, thinking. But then I leave and make my way to the kitchen where I find Tobias cleaning the counters. He really is amazing.

"You can go and get ready now, I'll finish up in here." I tell him.

He smiles at me and nods, walking over and kissing my lips lovingly.

"You look amazing."

"Thank you."

He plants a kiss on my forehead and goes to get changed whilst I finish cleaning.

"So, what do you want to do today?" Is the first thing Tobias asks when he re-enters the room.

"I don't know. Maybe we could go on a picnic or something?"

"Sounds great. Now, you go and relax whilst I make the picnic." He kisses my temple.

"Okay."

I go and sit on the sofa, just as the phone rings.

I pick it up and see that it is Christina calling.

"Hey, Christina."

"Hey, Tris, sorry to disturb the honeymoon but I'm desperate to know, how was last night?"

I smile. "Amazing."

"Is that all I'm gonna get?"

"Yep."

"Fine. What are you doing today?"

"We're going on a picnic."

"Sounds lovely."

"Yeah. How's everyone?"

"We're missing you. But we're all fine. Anyway, have a great week."

"Yeah, you too."

"See ya."

"See ya."

I put the phone back on the coffee table and just relax until Tobias calls me saying that we're good to go.

We walk out of the house, hand in hand, him carrying the basket. We decide to find somewhere in the orchards to eat.

We find a wooden table with two wooden benches in a clearing where there is also a little pond. It's beautiful. We decide to sit at the bench.

Tobias opens the basket and pulls out some wrapped sandwiches, some little cartons of fruit juice, some fruits, some crisps and some cake.

"Don't worry about the bread, I made Johanna promise to put bread that doesn't have any peace serum in it in the house for us."

"Thanks. We don't want a repeat of last time."

"Why? I found it funny."

"Shut up." I groan. But we both end up laughing.

We eat, talking and laughing about many things. It's nice. Amazing even.

"Tobias, what… what are we going to do if I ever get pregnant?"

"We'll get through it, together, like we do with everything. No matter what happens, I will always be by your side, Tris. Because I love you, more than anything in the world… Did you have another nightmare last night?"

I just nod, looking down at the table. He takes my hand in his and I look up at him.

"We'll be okay, you and me, I know a lot isn't okay, but we will be. No matter what. You'll always be my family and I will always be yours. If we have kids, that's great. If we don't, I don't mind. So long as I have you."

"B-but, what if I keep losing our b-babies?"

"I'll still be here, the whole time. Holding you, comforting you, helping you, and loving you. I'm not going anywhere. And I'm definitely not the type of person to leave the person they love because they have miscarriages. That's probably one of the harshest things to do in this world… As I keep saying, no matter what life throws at us, I will always stay with you and we'll get through it, together. I love you."

"I love you, too."

He kisses my hand and we continue eating and talking.

…

We spend the night like we did last time we were here. Outside, laying on the grass, looking up at the sunset and the stars.

We stay like that for an hour or two before heading back in and going to bed. Curling up in each other's arms. I go to sleep, praying that I don't have a nightmare.

…

Our honeymoon was amazing. Better than I ever could have imagined. We spend the nights in the same way. Outside for an hour or two before going to bed. We explore Amity some more in the daytimes. Going on walks and picnics.

But now we have to go home, and I'm going to admit that I will miss Amity, I'm always happier here. When we're in Dauntless I'm faced with reality more. But I know we have to go back, to our family, our friends. We have to go back so Tobias can work.

We'll be okay, I think. I hope. I know he'll never leave me. No matter what happens he won't leave me. And I won't leave him.

I just want a good life. And a very large part of that good life is him.

I just hope we'll have a family of our own one day.

 **Hey Ravens, how are you?**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review! And go answer the poll question for this story on my page if you haven't already, please. It will help me out a lot.**


	21. Fear

Love Goes On

Chapter 21: Fear

There have been eighty one weeks since Caleb died and the war ended. One hundred and six weeks since my parents died and the war started. One hundred and twelve weeks since I chose Dauntless. Seventy eight weeks since Christina got pregnant. Seventy five weeks since my mental breakdown. Fifty six weeks since I got engaged. Fifty two weeks since Shauna got unparalysed and engaged to Zeke. Forty eight weeks since my fight with Christina. Forty three weeks since we became friends again and she gave birth to her daughter. Thirty eight weeks since I started babysitting her daughter four times a week. Four weeks since Tobias and I got married. Three weeks since we came home from our honeymoon.

There is one week until Shauna and Zeke get married.

And life is great. Evelyn has been helping around the apartment, and with my nightmares and things. She's been like a second mum to me. Her and Tobias are getting along really well also.

Tobias and I have been great. Sometimes at night we sit out on the balcony, watching the stars, kinda like what we did in Amity. And he's been so amazing, cooking me meals, buying me sweet things, etc. he's the best husband I could have ever asked for.

Our friends are great as well.

But right now, I'm scared. More than scared. Terrified.

This morning, after Tobias left for work and Evelyn had left to go shopping, I felt sick. I threw up for like five minutes. Then, I realised I was late. Period late.

And since I used to be a midwife I know what those things could mean. But I'm too scared to take the test that I kept hidden in my cupboard, just in case. I didn't keep a test in there because we're trying for a baby, we're not. But I did it out of fear of getting pregnant. Except, now that it's a possibility I don't want to take it. In fear of it being positive.

Don't get me wrong, I would love to have a baby. But there's a high chance it could die, and I'm not ready to go through that, yet. I'm not ready for my body to let me down and make me lose a baby yet.

So here I am, sitting on the floor of my en-suite, staring at the pregnancy test box in my hand. Knowing I have to take it, I have to know. But also being too terrified to know.

Tobias told me to call him if I need anything before he went to work. He tells me that every day. But I can't get his hopes up, not yet. That doesn't mean I'm not going to tell him about the baby if I am pregnant, I will. But I don't want to call him home, tell him I'm taking a pregnancy test, get his hopes up, and then have the test come out negative. 

God, what do I do?

Tears are filling my eyes already. I know I have to take it. I have to do this.

So I do. I take the test that could ruin my life.

When it's done I just leave it on the side next to the sink and wait. Why do I have to wait five minutes?

Though, when the answer comes I want it to go away. I wish I never took the test.

I start struggling for breath as the tears rush down my cheeks. I stumble back to my bedroom and over to the oxygen tank, knowing I need it. I put the mask over my nose and mouth and sink to the floor in a puddle of tears, trying to take deep breaths. But they're shaky.

I need Tobias. I need him.

I see my phone on the bedside table and reach up for it, hands shaking violently. I slowly text him, telling him I need him and it's a minute later when he replies that he's on his way. So he's going to be here soon.

I just sit on the floor, my back against the bed, my hands and arms shaking, tears trailing my cheeks, trying to breathe. Waiting.

I hear the door open and shut.

"Tris!" Tobias yells, worried.

I hear him looking around then running up the stairs. And soon he's here. Taking me in his arms and asking what's wrong.

"Tris, honey, what's the matter?"

I just point to the en-suite, not even bothering to look at it. He kisses my forehead before he stands up and leaves. When he sees it I hear him suck in a breath, and he comes back, holding the test in his hand. He sits next to me, facing me.

I just stare at him, looking in his eyes helps me to breathe.

"You're pregnant?" I hesitantly nod. I can see fear in his eyes as well, but also love, and hope. "And you're scared because of everything?" I nod again. "You know, I'm scared too, but I'm not going to leave you, no matter what happens. We'll get through this together, like we do with everything. I love you, and I love this baby, too, no matter what."

He puts the test on the bedside table and holds me in his arms, placing his hand on my belly instinctively, and mine goes over his.

"Do you want to go and see Hana when you're ready? Make sure everything is okay?"

I just nod into his chest.

When I've had the mask on for an hour I take it off, slowly, shakily. I'm still crying. Tobias didn't stop holding me the whole time, and our hands are still on my belly.

"Do you want to go and get dressed? I'll make an appointment."

I just nod again.

He helps me up and I slowly walk to the en-suite. I wash and get changed into some black leggings and one of Tobias' black jumpers. I brush my hair and spray on some perfume but that's it. I walk downstairs and find Tobias on the sofa, waiting for me.

He smiles at me slightly and we leave, hand in hand.

"We'll be okay." He whispers to me on the way there.

We sign in and sit in the waiting room. In silence.

Soon Hana calls my name and we follow her into the room next to the one where I used to work. We sit down and she smiles at us gently before asking why we came to see her.

"I, uh…"

"She took a pregnancy test this morning and it said positive. So we thought we would come and see you to see if everything is okay so far." Tobias fills in for me.

"Okay. Tris, could you lie on the table for me and I will give you an ultrasound to see if everything is going smoothly or not."

I just nod and do what she told me to.

She lifts my top up so it is just under the curve of my breasts and then she squirts the gel on my belly. Then she does the ultrasound, and I look, even though I'm scared to.

But there, in the middle of the black screen, is my baby. Flickering around. More tears fill my eyes as I look at the being that Tobias and I created, the life that I love, but the life that might not make it into this world. Tobias squeezes my hand gently and I look at him. He's smiling at the screen with tears in his eyes.

"Everything looks good. The baby is completely healthy. But remember what I've been telling you. Make sure someone is with Tris at all times, eat healthy, and wake her up from a nightmare or whatever as soon as possible. I'll give you some prenatal vitamins, they should help a bit but you still have to eat healthy, okay?" I nod.

…

That night I lie awake in bed, dreading the thought of going to sleep. My hands rest on my belly and I just think. I look at Tobias who sleeps next to me, his arm draped over my waist, protecting me and our child from the world.

We haven't told anyone about the baby yet. We decided to wait until I'm about twelve weeks to tell anyone, that way there is less chance of miscarriage, but then again, with my body the way it is a higher chance of premature labour.

I really hope this pregnancy goes well, but knowing my luck it won't.

I turn so I am on my side, facing Tobias. This causes him to stir awake.

"Tris, have you been to sleep yet?"

"No."

"You have to, for the baby."

"I know, but…"

"If you have a nightmare I'll wake you up, I promise, okay?"

"I know you will. I'm just scared."

"We're both scared. But I'm not leaving. I'm not going anywhere. I will be by your side this whole time, okay? Unless I have to go to a meeting, but the rest of the time I will be at home, taking care of you, okay? But even if I'm in a meeting I will keep my phone on and you can call me whenever. Now get some sleep. I'm here. And I'll be here when you wake up."

I nod and cuddle into his chest some more, breathing in the smell of him. Of home.

And I finally manage to go to sleep.

 **Hey Ravens, sorry for the wait, but I've been busy with College and I've been in a lot of pain due to my disability, and possibly something else which I have been tested for and should get the results back for in two weeks, I've had loads of doctors' appointments this past week. But it's half term now, so there will be some more updates.**

 **Anyway, if you still haven't voted on the poll for this story could you please go and do it for me, it's on my page, and it will help me out a lot if you did.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**

 **Also, the link for my Facebook page is on my page, it's for my writing, photography and film making when I get around to that. Add me as a friend and I will accept all friend requests. Pop me a little message saying you're a fan of my stories so I know who you are. There is more info about it on my page.**


	22. Shopping with Christina

Love Goes On

Chapter 22: Shopping with Christina

There have been eighty two weeks since Caleb died and the war ended. One hundred and seven weeks since my parents died and the war started. One hundred and thirteen weeks since I chose Dauntless. Seventy nine weeks since Christina got pregnant. Seventy six weeks since my mental breakdown. Fifty seven weeks since I got engaged. Fifty three weeks since Shauna got unparalysed and engaged to Zeke. Forty nine weeks since my fight with Christina. Forty four weeks since we became friends again and she gave birth to her daughter. Thirty nine weeks since I started babysitting her daughter four times a week. Five weeks since Tobias and I got married. Four weeks since we came home from our honeymoon. One week since we found out I'm pregnant. Six days since we told Evelyn about the baby (she found me throwing up and asked what's going on). And yesterday Shauna and Zeke got married, they're currently on their honeymoon.

The past week has been alright, I guess. Other than the fact I'm constantly scared, and I've been getting nightmares pretty much every night, which isn't helping. But Tobias is always there for me.

Today, though, Christina has insisted on dragging me shopping. Mostly because she wants my help picking things out for Marlene's birthday, which is in eight weeks. But also just because she wants to go shopping. This is going to be fun. Also, since Uri is off work today, he will be looking after Marlene whilst Christina goes shopping.

I am walking to the Pit to meet Christina right now. Wearing black leggings and one of Tobias' black jumpers. My hair is in a messy bun, and my combat boots are on my feet, slapping against the floor. When she sees me she smiles, and I smile back.

We walk to the first store, and she's chatting away about something, I'm not really paying attention. Only when we stop outside the store do I realise what store it is. The baby store.

"Is it okay if we go in here?" She asks. "We don't have to, I can come here some other time…"

"No, its fine, we can go in."

"You sure?"

"Yep."

So we go in. As we walk around, her picking some things up and putting them in her basket, I see a cute teddy bear and instantly think of my baby. Imagining my child playing with it.

I don't realise how long I've been looking at it until Christina snaps me out of my thoughts.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"You don't look fine. And you, Tobias, and Evelyn have been acting weird this whole week. So has Hana actually, coming to think of it. What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"You don't have to lie to me, Tris. You can tell me anything, you know that right?"

I just nod.

"So, please, tell me what's going on."

I look back at the teddy and pick it up, walking away from her, but she catches up to me.

"You know this is a baby store, right? Why'd you pick up the teddy?" I hear her gasp but I don't look at her. "Are you pregnant?"

I stop walking and look at the floor as tears fill my eyes.

"Tris, look at me." I look up at her just as a tear slips out. She wraps her arms around me and pulls me close, like a sister would. "I'm here, no matter what happens. You can come to me at any time."

"C-can you not tell anyone? We didn't want anyone to know yet."

"Okay. Here, let me buy the teddy for you." She let's go of me and gently takes the teddy out of my hands, placing it in her basket.

"You don't have to."

"I want to. Anyway, I have everything I need in here, let's go pay and we can go somewhere else." I nod and wipe my tears, following her to the checkout.

…

When we're done Christina walks me home, we're both carrying some bags. I unlock the door and walk in, placing my bags on the floor. She takes the teddy out of one of her bags and gives it to me.

"Call me if you need anything, okay?"

I nod and thank her. Then she's gone and I close the door.

I plop on the sofa with the teddy in my hands, holding it to my belly, just as Tobias comes in from the kitchen.

"How was shopping?"

"Okay, I guess."

"What's that?" He asks as he sits next to me, looking at the teddy.

"I saw it and I… I wanted to get it, for the baby… I also t-thought it would be a good reminder, if…"

He holds me in his arms as a tear leaks out of my eye.

"It's nice. I like it. We'll be okay."

When Evelyn gets home from whatever she was doing she looks at us sadly.

"I'll go make some dinner." She tells us before making her way to the kitchen.

We eat dinner in silence. I'm still holding the teddy. I feel like I need to hold it. I feel like I need to have my hand over my belly, so I can protect my child from the world and all of the bad things in it.

But I also know that isn't always going to be enough.

 **Hey, how are you?**

 **You still have time to go and vote on the poll for this story, it's on my page, it will help me out a lot if you did. Thanks.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	23. Shauna and Zeke come home

Love Goes On

Chapter 23: Shauna and Zeke come home

Six days later and today is the day that Zeke and Shauna come home from their honeymoon. I am six weeks pregnant now, and in all honesty, I'm surprised I've made it this far with all the nightmares and panic attacks. We've had another ultrasound since Hana decided to do one every other week, to make sure the baby was okay. She's decided to do that every time I get pregnant.

If I get pregnant again.

I've had someone with me all the time. Mostly Tobias, but if he's not around because of a meeting or whatever then it's either Evelyn, Hana or Christina.

Anyway, we're all waiting at the entrance of Dauntless for Shauna and Zeke to arrive. When I say that I mean me, Tobias, Evelyn, Christina (who is holding Marlene in her arms), Uriah, Hana, Amar and George.

The truck they took with them pulls up and they climb out of it, walking over to us, smiling like idiots. We all get a hug from each of them.

"How are you all?" Shauna asks as we walk back into Dauntless.

"We're good. Marlene's learning how to walk, but she can't quite do it on her own yet. How was the honeymoon?" Christina says.

"Amazing. We decided to start trying for a baby."

Tobias squeezes my hand gently as my eyes sadden, but I try to look happy, I am happy. They deserve a child and there is a small chance ours will make it through the pregnancy.

"Anything new happening here?" Zeke questions, looking at all of us.

We all shake our heads in response.

We enter the cafeteria and make our way to our usual table. We all sit down, Tobias and Christina on either side of me. And we eat, since its lunch time, talking and laughing about random things. Well, I stay mostly silent, joining in only occasionally.

Shauna and Christina decide we should spend some time together, just us three girls. I agree. Zeke, Uriah and Tobias are going to go hang out somewhere as well. Hana and Evelyn are going to look after Marlene.

So after lunch we all go our separate ways. Shauna, Christina and I go to Christina's apartment to hang out.

Christina gets some snacks ready and we decide to watch some movies. But half way through the first film I start feeling sick so I get up and run to the bathroom. Somehow I make it in time before puking my guts up. Christina comes in and starts rubbing my back, which helps. But when I'm done I see Shauna standing in the doorway looking confused, and worried.

"What's going on? Are you okay?"

I look at Christina and nod to her as I flush the toilet and wash my hands, shakily.

"Tris is pregnant. Only me, Tobias, Evelyn and Hana know about it. She doesn't want anyone else to know yet so don't tell anyone."

A tear leaks out of my eye as Shauna comes and wraps her arms around me.

"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Come to me whenever you need me, okay?"

I nod into her shoulder.

After that we go back to watching the movie, not saying a word about anything.

My hand subconsciously makes its way to my stomach, protecting my child from the bad things.

We watch about three movies before deciding to go to our own homes. Shauna walks me to my apartment.

"You okay?" She asks as we stop outside my door.

"Yeah."

"Call me if you need anything."

I nod and she hugs me one last time before leaving to go to her own apartment.

I unlock the door and walk in, locking the door behind me. I go to mine and Tobias' bedroom and grab the teddy bear off the bed. I then walk back downstairs and make my way to the kitchen. I pour myself a glass of orange juice and sit at the breakfast table with the ultrasound picture that I took off the fridge in my hands as well as the teddy bear.

I look at the picture of my baby for a while, hoping and praying that I don't lose him or her.

When Tobias comes home and finds me in the kitchen, with the teddy in my arms and staring at the picture of our child, he sits down on the chair next to me and wraps his arm around my shoulder, pulling me close. He kisses the top of my head and tells me everything is going to be alright. That he'll never leave me. And we'll get through this, together, no matter what happens.

At some point his other hand makes his way to my belly, but I don't mind. I know he wants to protect this baby from harm, just as much as I do.

When Evelyn gets home Tobias makes dinner and we eat together, making small talk here and there. Not really having much to discuss. We don't have much to discuss because the only proper thing to discuss is the baby, and I don't really want to talk about names, or what colour we'll be painting their room, or whatever else we might need to discuss, because I'm too scared of losing the baby. I don't want to discuss any of those things until I'm at least thirty weeks along, if I get that far, because at least then the baby has a decent chance of making it if I did go into labour early. They agreed with me.

The whole time I'm still looking at the picture.

 **Hey Ravens, how are you?**

 **There is still time to vote on the poll for this story, it will really help me out if you did.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	24. Pain

Love Goes On

Chapter 24: Pain

There have been eighty six weeks since Caleb died and the war ended. One hundred and eleven weeks since my parents died and the war started. One hundred and seventeen weeks since I chose Dauntless. Eighty three weeks since Christina got pregnant. Eighty weeks since my mental breakdown. Sixty one weeks since I got engaged. Fifty seven weeks since Shauna got unparalysed and engaged to Zeke. Fifty three weeks since my fight with Christina. Forty eight weeks since we made up and she gave birth to her daughter. Forty three week since I started babysitting her daughter four times a week. Nine weeks since Tobias and I got married. Eight weeks since we came home from our honeymoon. Five weeks since we found out I'm pregnant. Four weeks since Shauna and Zeke got married.

I am nine weeks pregnant, and I'm still surprised I've made it this long. But I have this feeling that something's going to happen soon. Something just doesn't feel right to me.

I haven't told Tobias, I don't want to make him more over protective than he is.

I am sitting on the sofa, wearing one of Tobias' black t-shirts and some grey sweatpants. My hands are on my belly and I'm just staring at it, thinking. Hoping that everything is going to be okay.

"Tris?" I hear Tobias ask, I turn to face him, he's standing in the doorway of the kitchen but he comes over to me and sits down next to me. "Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah."

"Don't lie to me. What's going on?"

"Something doesn't feel right." Tears fill my eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"I-I don't know. I feel like something's going to go wrong. Soon."

"Tris, I'm sure everything is fine. Stop worrying…"

"Don't tell me to stop worrying because I won't. And I haven't been sick today, I'm sick every day, at least once. And…"

"Tris, I'm sure everything is okay. It might just be a day where you don't get morning sickness, or it's starting to die down a bit."

"Are you trying to tell me I'm overreacting?"

"No. I'm just trying to make you feel better. Because I love you."

And I don't know why but I burst out in sobs.

…

 _"_ _Push, Tris, push!" Hana tells me, and I push. Harder than I ever have before. Screaming and crying. Squeezing Tobias' hand, hard._

 _And when the pain is gone I hear nothing. No crying. Nothing._

 _"_ _I'm sorry…"_

 _And that's all I have to hear before I start screaming._

"Tris, wake up." I jump awake to find Tobias staring at me, concerned.

Evelyn stands in the doorway as well, but she comes and joins us on the bed.

"You okay, Tris?" Evelyn asks.

"Yeah."

"Right, I'm going to make breakfast." Evelyn walks downstairs to make breakfast.

"You wanna go downstairs?"

"In a bit. I need to go to the bathroom. I'll meet you down there."

He nods and kisses my forehead before helping me up out of the bed.

I walk into the en-suite and I'm about to lock the door when I feel a sharp pain in my belly. I hiss and place a hand on my belly.

It goes away after a little while so I ignore it. But I wish I hadn't when I felt something wet and warm run down my legs. I look down and see the worst sight.

Blood.

"No." A tear slips out of my eye before the pain starts getting worse and my knees buckle, causing me to fall to the floor, a crying mess. "TOBIAS!" I yell.

He comes into the room a minute later looking worried. But his eyes look even more scared when he sees the blood and me in pain. He rushes over and takes me in his arms, picking me up like I'm a baby and rushing me downstairs.

Evelyn stands at the bottom of the stairs, she looks scared when she sees the blood as well.

But I know what this is.

It's a miscarriage.

I'm losing my baby.

The three of us rush to the infirmary and we see Hana right away. We see Shauna as well but I don't really take any notice. She takes us to a room and does an ultrasound.

But when the heartbeat doesn't sound I know my baby is dead. I can also tell by the look Hana is giving me.

And that is when I start to sob.

Tobias takes me in his arms and we cry together.

"We'll give you some time." Hana says, through the haze I can see that both she and Evelyn are crying.

But I don't care.

I just cry.

…

Christina's POV:

I'm sitting in the cafeteria with Uriah, who is holding Marlene, Zeke, Amar and George. Shauna had to go somewhere before breakfast apparently. Uri and I are waiting to announce our engagement.

We were just eating when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket.

I looked at it;

 _Come to the infirmary. Tris is bleeding._

It was from Shauna.

I got up and hurried to the infirmary, ignoring the calls of my name behind me.

I arrive in the waiting room to find Shauna there, pacing, worried.

"What's going on?" I ask her.

"I don't know. No one's come out yet."

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"I'm pregnant."

"Congratul…"

I cut myself off when I see Hana and Evelyn walking in, both in tears, and I know it can't be good.

"What happened?" Shauna asks.

"Tris had a miscarriage." Hana whispers.

And now we're crying too. Angry at god for doing this to our friends. They don't deserve this.

I can't even begin to imagine what they're going through right now.

And we just cry. For our friends and the baby they lost.

 **Hey, how are you?**

 **You still have time to vote on the poll for this story that is on my page. It would help me out a lot if you did.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	25. Tears

Love Goes On

Chapter 25: Tears

Christina's POV:

We stand there, crying, for a few minutes. Not really knowing what to do.

"I'm, uh, going to go home and get some things for Tris." Evelyn says before leaving. Hana leaves with her.

"I'm going to go home. Tell Zeke to meet me there." Shauna whispers.

"Should I tell them Tris had a miscarriage?"

"It's probably a good idea. Yeah. Tris and Tobias will probably be too shaken up." Then she's gone.

I stand there for another minute before slowly making my way to the cafeteria, still crying.

I can't believe this had to happen to them. They deserve so much better than all of this crap that god keeps putting them through.

I sit in my seat again and everyone's staring at me, and my tears, worried.

"Chris, honey, what's wrong?" Uriah asks.

"Uh, Tris had a miscarriage."

They all look beyond shocked, and saddened.

"But..."

"She was nine weeks pregnant. Only her, Tobias, Evelyn, Hana, Shauna and I knew. They didn't want too many people knowing just in case something like this happened. And it did."

I watch as tears fill all of their eyes and gradually fall.

"Zeke, Shauna wants to meet you at you're apartment."

He nods and leaves, muttering a quiet 'goodbye'.

And we all just sit there, in silence, crying, praying for our friends.

...

Shauna's POV:

I'm sitting on the sofa, my knees tucked into my chest, sobbing into them when the door opens and Zeke comes in, crying also. He sits next to me and takes me in his arms, holding me as we cry.

"I can't believe this had to happen to them. They don't deserve it." He whispers.

"How am I going to tell them?" I say my own thoughts. He looks confused. But honestly, how am I supposed to tell my friends, who just lost their baby, that I'm having a baby?

"Tell them what?"

"I'm pregnant."

He looks shocked and I see a slight bit of happiness in his eyes as well. But most of it is covered in sadness. Our friends just lost a baby and here we are, pregnant.

"I'm going to be a dad." He mutters sweetly, gazing at my belly in awe.

"Yeah." I reply. Not knowing what else to say. "But what are we going to tell them? We can't keep it from them, but we can't just go and say that we're having a baby when they just lost theirs."

"We can give them some time to adjust. Time to heal. I know it's going to take a while for them to heal, if we lost this baby we'd be devastated, I don't think I'd ever heal, but we give them some time, and then we can tell them. Who else knows?"

"Christina. I can tell her not to tell anyone until we decide to tell the others."

He nods. "How far along are you?"

"Four weeks. We could wait until I'm twelve weeks along to tell them. That way they have some time. That's what they were going to do, but obviously they can't do that now."

"Okay. I love you, Shauna. I love our baby, too."

"We love you, too, Zeke."

I kiss him and he continues to hold me as we cry, but now the tears are a mixture of sadness and happiness.

...

Tris' POV:

It's been an hour and I'm still crying. My belly still hurts, and I'm still bleeding. Evelyn brought me a change of clothes and some pads, so I'm now wearing some grey jogging bottoms and one of Tobias' black jumpers. She also brought the teddy I bought for the baby. The baby I'm no longer carrying.

Evelyn went back home not that long ago, it's just me and Tobias. He's still holding me in his arms as we cry. I'm on my side, my head tucked into his chest. His arms bring me comfort. But I wish my mum was here, to help me through this as well.

"I knew this was going to happen." I whisper.

"No, you didn't. No one did."

"I mean, the baby only had a ten to twenty percent chance of surviving. And I dreamed that I lost the baby just before it actually happened. It was different, but I dreamed it. It's my fault."

"It's not your fault, Tris. Don't blame yourself."

"I have PTSD. I'm the one who gets the nightmares and things that cause me to lose babies. I'm the shitty mum."

"You're not a shitty mum. And it's not your fault you have PTSD. Jeanine started the war, which caused your PTSD. It's her fault."

"I''m a shitty wife."

"No, you're not. You're amazing. I love you."

"But I just lost our baby."

"It's not your fault. It couldn't be helped. But I'm sure we'll have a baby one day."

"Don't say that."

"Why?"

"Because you don't know it's going to happen. I don't want people to keep telling me that. I won't believe it unless it actually happens."

"Okay. Sorry."

"It's okay. I know you're saying it for yourself as well. I just can't hear it right now."

Then we're silent again. Still crying. Not knowing what to say in this situation. But hoping we never have to be in this situation again.

Hey Ravens, sorry for the wait but I've been busy with College work, and I've been in so much pain recently that I just don't feel like writing that much at the moment. I've also had a ton more doctor's appointments, and x-rays, etc.

Also, someone said they weren't going to read this story anymore because I made Tris have a miscarriage and now she's just going to be moping around and being a wimp or whatever. But I can't write that she only has a ten or twenty percent chance of a baby surviving when she's pregnant and not make her have at least one miscarriage. I'm sorry I upset a load of you, but it had to be done, for the story. Also, a miscarriage make a story more realistic because women have miscarriages. And I know she's going to be upset, who wouldn't after a miscarriage? I'm only 17 and I've never been pregnant before but if I was and I lost my baby I would be devastated, for a while after the miscarriage. So, sorry if you don't like it but you don't have to read it if you don't want to. But, I will say that they will have at least one baby at some point in this story. I don't know when yet but it is up to you, if you go on my page there is a poll for this story asking when you want them to have a child. Answer it and you might just get what you want.

Another thing, my original short story is now available as a paperback on Amazon. If you purchased a copy it would make me so happy, especially since I really need some money. It is also still available on Kindle if you have a Kindle device or the free Kindle reading app then feel free to purchase it. My name is Paige Madison Makepeace and it is about a girl named Grace.

Anyways, I will update again when I can.

Please review!


	26. Can we try?

Love Goes On

Chapter 26: Can we try?

I'm allowed home the next day, when the physical pain is better and I'm not bleeding as much. But my emotional pain is still pretty high. I told Tobias that I wanted some time alone and that I'd come home in a few hours. So I'm just strolling around Dauntless, crying silently. Thinking about why I'm the one which all the shit happens to.

That is until I walk into someone.

I look up and see Hana in front of me, looking sad.

"Oh, Tris, I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking."

"N-no, it's my fault. Sorry."

"Come here." She holds her arms open and I walk into them, allowing her to hold me the way my mother would have if she were here. "Do you want to come back to mine for a bit?"

I just nod into her shoulder. She grabs my hand and walks me back to her place.

I sit on the sofa but she goes to the kitchen, coming back a few minutes later with a mug of tea in her hands. She puts it on the coffee table next to the sofa.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Why did it have to happen to me?"

"I don't know. Life isn't always fair and is a piece of shit sometimes. But it isn't your fault."

"It's funny because when I was a midwife and someone lost their baby I told them exactly that, but when it happens it feels like it is your fault."

"Tris, you're not at fault here. You did nothing wrong."

"I had a nightmare. It was about losing the baby. It was different to the way it actually happened because in my dream the baby was stillborn. But then I woke up and I was fine at first, shaken up, but fine. Then I went to the en-suite and I felt a cramp but it wasn't that bad so I just pushed it aside, then I started bleeding and the pain got worse. It was horrible."

"I know."

"I can't keep doing this. Not to Tobias, or myself, or anyone. I can't keep losing my babies."

"Tris, darling, I know it's hard. I do. But you can't give up. I know how much you and Tobias want a baby. And you will have one, if you keep trying."

"But if we keep trying then I'll keep losing babies and keep putting him, and me, through that pain."

"Surely that pain will be worth it when you have a baby though? You're not infertile Tris, you can have a baby, it just has a low chance of surviving if you get pregnant. But that doesn't mean you aren't ever going to have a baby."

"It feels like it."

"I know, honey. But, no matter what happens, you are always going to have all of us here, with you. Helping you along the way. So try for a baby, keep trying. We'll help you through everything, I promise. And one day, you will have a baby in your arms. A healthy baby."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I know that you are able to have kids. Yes, you have a high chance of miscarrying or premature labour, but that doesn't mean you won't have a healthy baby one day. And you have all of us, here, to help you every step of the way. We will do everything we can to make sure this doesn't happen again. And I will be your midwife again. Tris, everything will be okay."

"It still doesn't mean that I won't lose another baby."

"I know. But we'll still be here, every step of the way, with you. Helping you. I know you want a baby. I know Tobias wants a baby. So why don't you keep trying, and eventually things will work out. Tell Tobias that you want to try for a baby. I can tell you want to."

"I do, but I don't think now is the right time. Not after… what just happened."

"You have to wait a week before trying again anyway, so tell him then, or now and think about when you really want to try. I know how much you want this; I can see it in your eyes. So tell him."

I nod and take a sip of my warm tea.

…

I get home to find Tobias and Evelyn on the sofa, holding each other, crying. And it just makes me cry again as well. I collapse to the floor in a puddle of tears and they join me, holding onto me like I'm a fragile vase. And that is exactly what I feel like right now. Fragile. Broken.

…

I am sitting in bed, staring at the wall in front of me when Tobias walks into the room from the en-suite wearing nothing but some pyjama shorts. He climbs into the bed and wraps his arms around me, but we don't lay down.

I think Hana's right. Maybe I should tell him that I want us to try for a baby. Even though I'm scared out of my mind.

I want a baby. The only way we'll ever get one is to try.

Maybe.

"Tobias, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, what is it?"

"I, uh… I-I wanted to know if maybe, when we can, uh… c-can we try for a baby?"

He pulls back and looks at me, shocked I even suggested it considering my fears, and what just happened.

"A-are you sure?"

"Well, both of us want a baby, no matter how scared we are of… everything. But the only way we're going to have a baby is to keep trying for one… even if things like what just did happen keeps happening. We have to keep trying, and maybe, one day, we, uh, might have a baby."

"Okay. But, Tris, just remember that no matter what happens, I am always going to be here for you, and so are the rest of our family. We're all going to be here because we love you. I love you the most, though."

I smile slightly.

"I love you, too. Always."

I kiss him and we only pull away when we need to breathe.

"So, we're going to try for a baby?" He asks, smiling slightly himself.

"Yeah, we're going to try for a baby. But we still have to wait for a week before we can, and it might take a while, and…"

"Tris, we'll be okay, no matter what happens. I promise."

"I know, I'm just… scared."

"I am too, but we'll get through this the way we get through everything. Together."

I nod and we cuddle together for a while before going to sleep.

 **Hey Ravens, I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry for the wait but I have been in so much pain recently, and I'm ill again, and I've been busy with college stuff, and I'm trying to get a part time job because I need some money.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	27. Blank

Love Goes On

Chapter 27: Blank

There have been eighty-seven weeks since Caleb died and the war ended. One hundred and eleven weeks since my parents died and the war started. One hundred and eighteen weeks since I chose Dauntless. Eighty-four weeks since Christina got pregnant. Eighty-one weeks since my mental breakdown. Sixty-two weeks since I got engaged. Fifty-eight weeks since Shauna got unparalysed and engaged to Zeke. Fifty-four weeks since my fight with Christina. Forty-nine weeks since we made up and she gave birth to her daughter. Forty-four weeks since I started babysitting her daughter four times a week. Ten weeks since Tobias and I got married. Nine weeks since we came home from our honeymoon. Six weeks since we found out I was pregnant. Five weeks since Shauna and Zeke got married... One week since I had a miscarriage.

I've stayed in the apartment all week. Not wanting to face many people. My friends have come to see us a few times but I barely talk. I don't even crack a smile. I'm trying to feel better, but how can I? I lost my baby. My baby.

Right now I am sitting in bed with my back against the headboard and the teddy bear I brought our baby in my hands. I am staring at my belly which won't grow anytime soon with the baby that was once there.

I hear the door open and look up. Tobias. He is standing there with a sad expression on his face and a tray in his hands. He walks over to me and places the tray on my lap gently. There is a plate of croissants, a bowl of cut up fruit, and a glass of orange juice on it. He sits next to me, facing me.

"Tris, I know this is hard but you have to eat."

I haven't eaten all that much this week. I've eaten three meals a day, but they were small meals. In fact, I wouldn't even call them meals, they were just a burger or some fries. Or a sandwich. Or something else that is small.

"I know. But I don't feel like eating right now."

"I know you don't. But if we're serious about trying for a baby from now then you need to be healthy. You need to eat."

We can start trying for a baby now. And he's right. I do need to eat, and be healthy. To give our children the best chance of surviving. But I feel empty right now. Sad. Angry.

I don't want to eat.

"Okay."

And I eat all of what is on the tray.

Tobias smiles at me when I'm done. I crack a small smile at him as well. He has been the person I have talked to the most since what happened last week.

"So, do you still want to start trying for a baby today, or do you want to wait? I don't mind. I know this week has been hard on both of us so if you have changed your mind I completely understand."

"No. I still want to try for a baby. We can try. I'm just scared."

"You and me both. But we'll get through everything. Together."

"I know. I love you, Tobias. Sorry I haven't said that much this week."

"It's okay. I love you, too."

He kisses me passionately.

"I think we should wait until later to try for a baby. You know, when your mum is asleep."

"Good point. Why don't you get ready and we can do something today, since I have another few days off before I have to do anything."

"Okay."

He takes the tray and leaves the room. I get out of bed and walk to the en-suite, leaving the bear on the bed.

…

Tobias took me on a picnic near Amity. It was amazing. It was the most fun I'd had in a while. And when we got home we found a note from Evelyn saying she was spending the night with a friend.

So we tried for a baby.

 **Hiya, I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry for the wait but I have been so busy lately, I got a job, and I've been busy with college and doctor's appointments.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	28. Sheke's Announcement

Love Goes On

Chapter 28: Sheke's Announcement

There have been ninety-four weeks since Caleb died and the war ended. One hundred and eighteen weeks since my parents died and the war started. One hundred and twenty-five weeks since I chose Dauntless. Ninety-one weeks since Christina got pregnant. Eighty-eight weeks since my mental breakdown. Sixty-nine weeks since I got engaged. Sixty-five weeks since Shauna got unparalysed and engaged to Zeke. Sixty-one weeks since my fight with Christina. Fifty-six weeks since we made up and she gave birth to her daughter. Fifty-one weeks since I started babysitting her daughter four times a week (although I'm not doing that anymore and she goes to a nursery). Seventeen weeks since Tobias and I got married. Sixteen weeks since we came home from our honeymoon. Thirteen weeks since we found out I was pregnant. Twelve weeks since Zeke and Shauna got married… Eight weeks since I had the miscarriage. Seven weeks since Tobias and I started trying for a baby.

And nothing. I'm not pregnant. There's no new baby.

Nothing.

I know I used to be a midwife and that it takes a while to get pregnant a lot of the time. But it's frustrating. And scary. And horrible. Last time I got pregnant we weren't even try and that was a scary experience all on its own. But now that we're trying to get pregnant and it's not working I'm starting to get even more worried.

Part of me is thinking that there is something else wrong with me. That I can no longer get pregnant. And that I really am infertile.

The other part of me is just scared. Not knowing why I'm not getting pregnant.

I don't know how I feel to be honest. The emotions from the miscarriage are still swallowing me whole. Every time I see a child I get upset. I can't stop thinking about it. And now that I'm trying for a baby there's a new kind of fear within me. Consuming me.

Tobias knows that I'm scared as well. But like the amazing husband he is he always tries to make me feel better.

And I love him for it.

But a lot of the time it doesn't help.

Though, I have been out of the apartment since we started trying for a baby. A few times actually. But whenever I do people always give me looks filled with pity.

And I hate it.

Our friends have been great though. Supporting us like a family would support each other. They are our family. And we love them.

But Zeke and Shauna have been acting weird. I don't know why but they just seem quiet around us, like if they say anything they will hurt us. They talk sometimes but not as much as they usually do.

Tobias and I are walking to the cafeteria to meet our friends, walking hand in hand. People are still giving us the pitying looks and I try not to let it affect me on the outside, but on the inside I'm screaming at them to stop looking at me.

I am wearing some black leggings with one of Tobias' jumpers, That's basically all I've been wearing for the last few months. Clothes that smell like Tobias. They clam me. They make me feel better when he's at work.

We enter the cafeteria and make our way over to our friends' usual table. We sit down so that I am next to Tobias and Christina, opposite Shauna who keeps sending worried looks to her husband who sits next to her and gives her reassuring glances.

Why are they so worried?

We start eating, talking about whatever really comes to mind. That is until Zeke calls out to us, saying that him and Shauna have an announcement to make.

We all look at them intently. Wondering what is going on with the young couple.

That is when I notice Shauna's hand resting on her belly which reveals a small but noticeable bump through her baggy t-shirt.

"We're pregnant." Shauna says with a small smile on her face. Zeke is smiling too as our friends cheer for them. But Zeke and Shauna are looking at Tobias and I, wanting to know our reaction. Hana and Evelyn also didn't cheer but they're smiling, congratulating them. But Tobias and I are just quiet. I stare at her bump and know that they must have kept it from us for a while if she's showing already.

I didn't even start to show. I didn't get a bump.

I look up at their faces and they look at me sadly.

"C-congratulations." I stutter with a sad smile on my face, swallowing the lump forming in my throat as tears prick at the back of my eyes.

Tobias congratulates them as well before looking at me with sadness in his eyes, but I just look down at my plate and pick at the food that's still on there. Everyone at the table, but Zeke, Shauna, Tobias, myself, Hana and Evelyn are all laughing and talking about the baby that's soon going to join the family. And to be honest it's only Christina and Uriah but they're so loud that it sounds like a lot more than just them two.

I try to stop it but a tear slips out of my eye as I think about the baby I lost.

I would be showing by now if I was still pregnant. I would be seventeen weeks along.

"How far along are you?" Uriah asks happily.

"Twelve weeks." Shauna answers quietly.

"Why did you keep it from us for so long?" Uriah whines. But then he shuts up and looks at me, realizing the answer. In fact everyone at the table is quiet now.

"That's why you were in the infirmary isn't it?" I ask Shauna and she seems to know what I was going on about.

"Yeah. That was when I found out."

"You didn't have to keep it from me."

"Tris… I didn't want to upset you even more. After everything you have been through you didn't need this on top of it. I wanted to give you some time."

"You didn't have to. I'm fine. And I'm happy for you."

"I know you are happy for me. But I also know that you're not fine. And you don't have to hide how you're feeling from us. We're your friends, we're here to help you. And you, Tobias."

"I am fine!"

"If you were fine you wouldn't be crying right now. And you wouldn't stay in your apartment most of the time because people keep giving you looks of pity and you hate it. And you wouldn't have stared at my belly thinking about how you didn't even start showing. But it's okay, Tris. We're your family and we're here for you, no matter what. You can be upset about things."

It is then that I break down into sobs. Tobias pulls me gently into his side and holds me and soon everyone else joins in.

And I just cry. Knowing that I have my family with me. Always.

 **Hey Ravens. Sorry for the wait but I have been so busy with college and work that I just haven't had the time to write. Also, I have to make a music video for my media coursework, which I will also be putting on YouTube when it's done so you can all see it so it's going to be a while before I start updating more regularly but I promise to update as often as I can.**

 **Quick question: How many of you have read The Testing trilogy and would read a fanfiction for it if I wrote one? I have an idea for one but you have to have read the books to understand it since it is set after the books. But I don't know how many people have read it since there are only like two or three fanfictions for it on here. But it's a great trilogy so if you're looking for something to read then you should go and read it.**

 **Also, I deleted my Divergent/Hunger Games story because someone on Wattpad has copied it word from word so I figured if I deleted it then she can't copy it anymore.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review.**


	29. The gender of Sheke's baby

Love Goes On

Chapter 29: The gender of Sheke's baby

There have been a hundred and two weeks since Caleb died and the war ended. One hundred and twenty-six weeks since my parents died and the war started. One hundred and thirty-three weeks since I chose Dauntless. Ninety-nine weeks since Christina got pregnant. Ninety-six weeks since my mental breakdown. Seventy-seven weeks since I got engaged. Seventy-three weeks since Shauna got unparalysed and engaged to Zeke. Sixty-nine weeks since my fight with Christina. Sixty-four weeks since we made up and she gave birth to her daughter. Fifty-nine weeks since I started babysitting her daughter four times a week (but I am not doing that anymore since she goes to nursery now). Twenty-five weeks since Tobias and I got married. Twenty-four weeks since we came home from our honeymoon. Twenty-one weeks since we found out I was pregnant. Twenty weeks since Shauna and Zeke got married… Sixteen weeks since I had a miscarriage. Fifteen weeks since Tobias and I started trying for a baby. Eight week since Shauna and Zeke announced they were pregnant.

I'm still not pregnant.

Shauna still is pregnant. And she's finding out the gender today.

Tobias is still an amazing husband.

I'm still upset, angry, lost, and crazy.

Everyone else is still helping me.

Everyone else is still happy.

I'm happy too, I mean I'm married to the love of my life and I have a great family. But everything else is not happy.

I just want things to get better.

I would be twenty-five weeks pregnant now if it weren't for the miscarriage. We would be choosing names after finding out the gender and planning the nursery. We would be happier.

I am sitting on the sofa right now, wearing some black leggings and one of Tobias' black jumpers, my hair in a messy bun. My knees are pulled up to my chest and my arms are wrapped round them. Tobias is in the kitchen making breakfast.

I am just staring at the wall. Blankly.

"Tris." I hear Tobias call my name.

I turn my head and see him standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

"Are you okay?" He asks.

"Yeah. Just thinking. Is breakfast done?"

"Yeah."

I stand and make my way to the kitchen, smiling at my husband and placing a kiss on his cheek as I enter. We sit at the table and eat the lovely meal he has concocted. As we do we talk about random things.

Evelyn has moved out now. She found her own place a few weeks ago but she comes around pretty much every day, to make sure we are okay.

"Are you sure you're okay, Tris?" Tobias asks as we are eating.

It is then that I realise that I was staring at the plate in front of me, picking at my food.

I look at him and see the sadness and love in his eyes. And the worry. I'm the one who made him sad. I'm the one who made him worry. It's my fault we're not as happy as we should be. It's my fault we lost our baby. Everything is my fault. He doesn't deserve to be with someone like me. Someone who will just keep upsetting him. How can he still love me? How can he still want to be with me? How?

I speed out of the apartment and just run. I have no idea where I'm running to. And I know he is chasing after me because I can hear him calling my name.

But when I find myself in a dead end corridor with nowhere to turn, that is when I crumble. I drag myself into the corner and just sob into my knees.

I hear him sit down next to me and he pulls me into his arms.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry we can't be happy. I'm sorry I've ruined your life. I don't know how you can still love me. I'm sorry I keep upsetting you. Everything is my fault. You'd be better off without me…" I keep muttering things until he stops me.

"Tris, I love you because you're the best thing that ever happened to me. I am happy, I mean, I'm sad because of everything that has happened recently but I'm happy that I get to spend those moments, and the rest of my life, with you. You haven't ruined my life. And nothing is your fault. It's all Jeanine's fault. She started the war that made you have PTSD, which lead to everything else. But we'll be okay. I promise. And I certainly wouldn't be better off without you. You mean the world to me, Tris. I love you so much. I love you more than anything. And no matter what happens I am going to be here, for you. I promise. Because I love you."

"I love you, too." I mutter.

He kisses the top of my head and we stay like that for about ten minutes before making our way back to the apartment to get ready for Shauna's and Zeke's gender reveal party. Something which I am both excited for and dreading.

…

"It's a boy." Shauna says and everyone, except Tobias and I, start cheering, and clapping, and asking questions.

Tobias and I congratulate them with small smiles on our faces but that's all we can manage and they understand. They know we're happy for them, but they also know we're still grieving.

We stay for another few hours, them all discussing the baby whilst Tobias and I remain relatively quiet, talking occasionally but not too often.

Tobias and I are the first to leave. We walk home in silence, our fingers intertwined.

And when we arrive home we try for a baby, again.

 **Hiya, I am so sorry for the wait, again. But I have been in so much pain recently. But I'm going to the hospital next week and we might be able to come up with a solution, which may take a few months to fulfill but we'll get there eventually. It might mean me having another operation but so long as it makes me feel better I don't really care.**

 **Anyways, I will try and update soon but I have a week to finish my music video for media but after that is done I should be able to update more often.**

 **Please review!**


	30. Another

Love Goes On

Chapter 30: Another

There have been one hundred and six weeks since Caleb died and the war ended. One hundred and thirty weeks since my parents died and the war started. One hundred and thirty-seven weeks since I chose Dauntless. One hundred and three weeks since Christina got pregnant. One hundred weeks since my mental breakdown. Eighty-one weeks since I got engaged. Seventy-seven weeks since Shauna got unparalysed and engaged to Zeke. Seventy-three weeks since my fight with Christina. Sixty-eight weeks since we made up and she gave birth to her daughter. Sixty-three weeks since I started babysitting her daughter four times a week, although I don't do that anymore. Twenty-nine weeks since Tobias and I got married. Twenty-eight weeks since we came home from our honeymoon. Twenty-five weeks since we found out I was pregnant. Twenty-four weeks since Zeke and Shauna got married. Twenty weeks since I had the miscarriage. Nineteen weeks since Tobias and I started trying for a baby. Twelve weeks since Shauna and Zeke announced they were having a baby. Four weeks since they found out they were having a boy.

And I think I might be pregnant. I mean, I've missed a period, I feel sick, I'm tired all the time, I'm hungry, and that's just the start. Although, this isn't the first time that I have felt all those things, either together or separately, in the last nineteen weeks and wondered if I could be pregnant. And every other time the test has come out negative.

But I take a test anyway. Like I do every month. Hoping for it to be positive but also being terrified to death of it being positive.

Which is exactly how I feel now. I'm hoping for the word 'pregnant' to pop up. But at the same time, I'm scared of it. Knowing what is likely to happen.

Knowing what did happen.

Knowing what could happen again.

Tobias is at a meeting. And I know I promised him that I would take a test with him, just in case I have another panic attack, but I need to do it on my own this time. I don't know why I feel the need to do it on my own, I really don't. I just feel like I need to know first, so I have more time to prepare myself for the inevitable.

The minutes feel like hours as I wait for the results. My palms are sweaty in nervousness.

I'm pacing. Back and forth. Trying to speed up time which feels like it's dragging.

The timer I set goes off and I stop.

Scared. Nervous. Hopeful.

I slowly walk towards the counter where the sink is. Where the test is.

But before I look down I take a deep breath.

And when I look I'm met with what I was hoping for. But what I was scared for.

Tears blur my vision and I clutch the side of the counter, breathing deeply to try to not panic as much as I did last time.

I chuck the test in the bin and slowly, wobbly walk to mine and Tobias' bed, sitting on it. Still breathing heavy as the tears line my cheeks.

I pick up the phone on my bedside table and wipe my eyes enough so that I can find Hana's number. But when I have found it and have placed the phone against my ear the tears blur my vision again.

She picks up on the third ring. She sounds worried when she speaks.

"Tris? Are you okay?"

"I-I need you t-t-to come o-over."

"Why?"

"I'm p-pregnant."

"Okay. I'll be over soon. I promise. Is Tobias back from his meeting yet?"

"No."

"Does he know you're pregnant?"

"No."

"Are you getting any cramps or bleeding?"

"No."

"Are you okay?"

"Not really."

"Okay. I'll be there in about twenty minutes. I need to grab some stuff. Just try and remain calm, okay?"

"Okay."

I hang up and just lie on the bed, curled in a ball. Crying.

Hana told us to call her when we get a positive pregnancy test so that she can come and check if things are okay. Instead of us going to her. She decided that it would be better to set some equipment up here so we can keep an eye on things easier if I were to get pregnant. She said she would come and see me every day, do ultrasounds every day, etc. Then, when the time comes, I would give birth here, unless I go into labour prematurely, then I would have to go to the infirmary.

I'm still crying when Hana arrives. We gave her a key so she just enters the apartment and comes to find me in the bedroom. She sits next to me on the bed, placing the two large bags of things she has in her hands on the floor, and wipes away some of the tears with her thumb.

"It's going to be okay, Tris." She tells me in a calm voice.

She sets up the ultrasound machine on Tobias' bedside table, which doesn't have anything on. I don't see what else she has in her bags but I know she'll leave them here for the various things that could happen. I lie on my back, on Tobias' side of the bed and lift my t-shirt up to below my breasts.

Still crying.

She does what she has to do and soon I hear a strong heartbeat fill the room. That is when I chance a look at the screen.

And I see my baby.

My tiny baby.

"You look to be about six weeks pregnant. But everything is fine. The baby is completely healthy."

I smile slightly. But I'm still scared. Terrified.

The baby was completely healthy last time.

Then it was gone.

That could quite easily happen again.

No matter what we do to try and prevent it, it could happen again.

No matter how much we hope it doesn't.

…

When Tobias arrives home I am sitting on the sofa with my legs crossed, watching TV. Well, I say that but I'm not really focusing on the TV, I'm thinking. But him sitting next to me and taking me into his arms breaks me from my thoughts.

I lean into his side and breathe in his comforting scent.

His hands rest on my side, that is until I take his left hand and slide it gently over to my stomach, laying it there and placing mine over his.

When he realises what I just did he pulls back and looks at me. His eyes questioning me. But they're also shocked.

"Why did you move my hand to your stomach?"

I smile slightly. But I know my eyes have the scared look in them. The scared look I will have from this moment on until this pregnancy comes to an end. One way or another.

His eyes glance at my belly for a few moments before flickering back to my eyes.

"Are you pregnant?" He asks, breathless.

I bite my lip and nod slowly, only once though. But it is enough to bring a bright smile to his face and gather me in his arms, I straddle him just to get a better hold of him as I wrap my arms around his waist.

But, even though I have a small smile on my face, I cry. Into his shoulder.

His excitement calms at that moment and he strokes my messy hair which lies over my shoulders.

"Hey, it's going to be alright. We'll be okay. Have you called Hana yet?"

"Yeah."

"Did she do an ultrasound?"

"Yeah."

"Is the baby okay?"

"Yeah. B-but the baby was o-okay last time, a-and…"

"That doesn't mean it will happen this time. But no matter what happens I will always be here, for you. I love you, and the baby."

"We love you, too."

He kisses the top of my head and continues to comfort me for the next few hours. But as we go to bed that night, all I hope is that the baby survives.

 **Hey Ravens. I am sorry for the wait, I really am but I have been so busy revising for my exams and with coursework that I just haven't had time. I've also been in loads of pain, as usual, and just haven't really felt up to it. But I will try to update as often as possible.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**

 **Oh, and if you have twitter follow me, my details are on my page.**


	31. Baby Shower no 2

Love Goes On

Chapter 31: Baby shower no. 2

A week has passed and only Hana, Evelyn, Tobias and I know about the baby. We don't want anyone else to know until about twelve weeks, and we mean it this time. We're not telling a soul. Evelyn has moved back in with us, which she said she would do any time I got pregnant to help us out around the house and whatnot. And to look after me when Tobias isn't around. Hana has 'taken a break' from her job to help me out as well, she comes round every day to make sure everything is going well, etc. Because of the amount of years she has worked and because she hasn't used up many of her sick days or vacation days she has built up a lot of holiday time. She'll only be off work until this pregnancy comes to an end though. One way or another.

Today, however, is Shauna's and Zeke's baby shower. She is twenty-five weeks pregnant now. I am only seven weeks pregnant.

Evelyn is wrapping up the presents, sitting on the floor as she does so, I am sitting on the sofa, watching her. I am wearing black leggings and a baggy black blouse. My hair is in a ponytail and I am wearing simple make-up (foundation, mascara and eyeliner).

When Evelyn is done she stands up and puts the presents into the gift bag before placing it on the coffee table and heading to the kitchen. Tobias comes down the stairs wearing black jeans and a black shirt. He strides over to me and sits next to me.

"How are you feeling this morning?"

"Fine."

"Don't lie to me Tris."

"I'm fine. Okay. I feel a little nauseous, and tired, but I'm fine."

"So you don't mind going to the baby shower?"

"Why would I mind?"

"Because I know you. And I know that last time we went to a baby shower you didn't like it. And I know that we would have had a baby shower by now had we… you know. And I know how much that affects you."

"Tobias, I'm fine. Okay. Let's go."

I stand up and walk to the door. I slide on my shoes and leave, heading in the direction of Zeke and Shauna's apartment.

I hear him call my name behind me, and his fast footsteps catching up to me.

"Tris, wait!"

He catches up to me and stands in front of me, causing me to stop.

"I just wanted to know if you were okay. Because I love you."

"I know. I love you, too. I just want to go and get this over with, okay?"

"Okay."

"Where's Evelyn?"

"She's just coming. You gonna be okay?"

"So long as everyone doesn't treat me as if I'm going to break I'm gonna be fine."

He nods.

When Evelyn catches up with us we start walking again, Tobias and I walk hand in hand.

When we get there everyone has already arrived. And they all stare at me, looking like trying not to say or do anything that would upset me.

"Guys, stop looking at me like that, please. I'm fine."

We all gather around and Shauna starts to open the presents.

They get a lot of things; clothes, toys, a crib, a highchair, books, films, etc.

Then we just eat food and talk. Well, I don't really talk. I just try and not puke.

"Are you okay?" Tobias whispers into my ear.

"I feel sick."

"Guys, we're going to head home. Tris doesn't feel well. We've had a great time though. Thanks for inviting us." Tobias says before helping me up and leading me back to our apartment.

As soon as we get there I grab the bin next to the large sofa and puke into it, Tobias rubs my back as I do so.

Evelyn and Hana enter the apartment and when I'm done Hana does my daily scan to make sure everything is alright.

And luckily it is.

Shauna's POV:

After Tobias, Tris, Evelyn and Hana leave we're all just sitting there, wandering what is going on. My hands are resting on my bump, and I look at them all, trying to figure out what is going on with them.

"Well, they've all been very secretive this past week. Barely speaking and all." Uriah says, bouncing his daughter on his leg.

"Tris isn't feeling well? She looked like she was about to puke." Christina.

"She does keep absentmindedly putting her hand on her belly." Cara.

"Evelyn's moved back in with them." Zeke.

"Mum goes round every day." Uriah.

"When we go round we're not allowed in their bedroom." Uriah.

"We were never allowed in their bedroom anyways, Uriah." Christina.

"Wait. Do you guys think she's pregnant again?" I ask.

"She could be; it explains all of those things." Zeke.

"Yeah, last time they were oddly secretive, and Hana saw them a lot. And symptoms of pregnancy include puking, and putting your hand on your belly, like you're doing right now."

"That isn't a symptom, Uri. You just do it to protect the baby. At least, that's what goes through your mind when you do it. And because you love it. And if I recall you put your hands on my stomach a lot when I was pregnant, was that a symptom if you did it."

"Good points. But she does keep doing it."

"Well, if she is pregnant again they obviously didn't want us to know, just in case something happened, so no telling them that we think they're having a baby. Okay?"

"Okay." They all say at the same time.

"I just hope it works out for them this time. They don't deserve to lose another baby."

We all nod in agreement. Hoping and praying that the baby survives.

 **Hey. Hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	32. Trouble

Love Goes On

Chapter 32: Trouble

Five weeks have flown by. Well, they've gone by relatively quickly, but I am still constantly scared. Even now, as I look in the mirror in mine and Tobias' en-suite bathroom and find that my stomach now has a small curve to it. It's not completely noticeable, if you didn't know about the baby you wouldn't be able to tell. But it's there.

I'm twelve weeks pregnant now. And even though I've made it further than I did last time I still can't help but be scared. Terrified even.

There's a knock on the door and Tobias walks in, watching me as I rub the small bump of my stomach. My top rolled up to just below my breasts.

"You're showing!" He says, smiling brightly.

I just nod.

He comes over to me and wraps me in his arms. I lean into him, breathing in his scent that always manages to make me feel better.

He pulls back and places his hands on my bump, still smiling. He looks at my face just as a tear slips down my cheek.

"Hey, what's the matter?" I just keep looking at him, and eventually he understands. "Tris, everything's going to be alright. No matter what I am always going to be here for you. I promise. I love you."

"I love you, too."

He kisses me gently on the lips.

"Look, I have to go to a meeting, and my mum's going out later but Shauna's coming over okay. Zeke doesn't want her being alone now that she's at the stage where she could really go into labour at any time. She'll be here in about an hour, and when she gets here my mum will leave, okay?" I just nod. "Okay. I love you."

"I love you, too."

He kisses my forehead and then kisses my belly before leaving.

I decide to get washed and dressed. I put on some black leggings and one of Tobias' old grey t-shirts that conceals my bump due to how baggy it is on me. I tie my hair up into a messy ponytail and walk downstairs.

I find Evelyn in the kitchen, eating a bowl of cereal.

"Hey, Tris. Do you want me to make you anything to eat?" She asks as she finishes up.

"No, it's fine. I'll make myself something." I answer as I start making myself a bowl of cereal. I sit with her at the table and start eating.

"How are you feeling this morning?"

"Why do you guys feel the need to ask me that every morning? I will tell you if something is wrong."

"I know. But I also know that you're scared and could really use someone to talk to. We're here for you, Tris. You can talk to us about anything."

"I know. But I just want to focus on getting through this pregnancy."

There's a knock on the door and Evelyn stands to go and answer it. I hear Shauna's and Zeke's voices, as well as Evelyn's as she tells Shauna where I am. Then the door shuts and Shauna walks into the kitchen, her hands on her large bump. She sits where Evelyn was sitting and smiles at me.

"Hey Tris, how are you feeling?"

"Fine. How are you and the baby?"

"We're fine. Though I am really annoyed at Zeke. I mean, I'm not going to go into labour today right? But he keeps making a big fuss over it, and says that I can't be alone until I have the baby. It's so annoying. I love him but sometimes he can be a real pain in my ass."

"Well, he's just worried about you. Because he loves you. And you could go into labour today but there is a very small chance of that happening."

"I know."

I finish my cereal and stand, taking my bowl and spoon to the sink and leaving it in there.

"Do you need anything? Something to eat or drink?" I ask her.

"No, I'm fine. I had something before we left the apartment."

"Okay, what do you want to do? We could just watch a load of films or whatever."

"Sounds great."

We head to the living room and she sits on the sofa whilst I grab a film we both like and put it on. When I sit on the sofa too, I notice Shauna is smiling at me weirdly.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask.

"Are you pregnant, Tris?"

I'm shocked. I don't know what to say.

"Uh… What makes you say that?"

"Well, you, Tobias, Evelyn and Hana have been acting weird for weeks. You barely talk. You look terrified. Tobias is more protective of you than usual. You keep putting your hand on your belly. You've been looking like you're about to puke a lot recently. And when you bent over to put the DVD in I noticed that you had a small bump. Also, ever since the baby shower the whole gang has kinda been suspecting it. I'm surprised Uriah didn't blurt it out in all honesty. But yeah, we all think you're pregnant."

Tears fill my eyes as I continue to look at her, shocked. But then I nod, and she wraps her arms around me, and mine go around her as well.

"Everything's going to be alright, Tris. I'm here for you. We all are. How far along are you?"

"Twelve weeks." I whisper.

She pulls back and smiles sadly at me.

"You're going to be okay." She tells me.

I nod weakly. And then we go back to watching the movie.

But half way through I hear Shauna groan and I look at her, worried.

"Shauna, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just felt a cramp. I've been feeling them all day, you know, Braxton Hicks whatever. This one was just a little more painful than the others."

"Shauna, how often have you been getting them?"

"Well they're pretty irregular. This one was about twenty minutes after the last one."

"How about the one before that?"

"About twenty-five minutes maybe. Why? Is everything okay?"

I pause the movie and look at her, worried. She looks scared as well.

"Tris, what's going on?"

"I don't know. Come up to my room." She nods and follows me up the stairs.

When we get to my room I tell her to lay on the bed and she does, I set up the ultrasound machine.

"Am I in labour?"

"I don't know. Have all your contractions been getting gradually more painful? And closer together?"

"Yeah." She answers as I roll her top up to below her breasts and squirt the gel on her bump. "Is my baby going to be okay?" She's crying now. I don't know how to help her.

"I'm sure everything will be okay."

I place the wand over her bump, where I put the gel and move it around slowly, looking at the screen. I move slightly lower to where her cervix is to see if it has started opening yet… and it has.

She's in labour. It's ten weeks early.

I move back up slightly and press the button to allow me to listen to the baby's heartbeat. It's slower than it's meant to be. Not really slow but it is a lot slower than it has to be at this stage.

"Tris, what's going on?" She asks, scared.

"You're in labour. I don't know why but whatever is going on is causing your baby's heartbeat to be slower than it's meant to be."

She starts sobbing and I have no idea how to console her. "Is he going to be okay?"

"We have to get you to the infirmary. But first I have to make some phone calls, okay?" She nods, still crying.

I turn off the machine and wipe her stomach free of the gel before picking up my phone and calling Hana.

"Tris, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Shauna's in labour. The baby's heart beat is slower than it's meant to be. It is just me and Shauna here, I need to get her to the infirmary and you should probably meet us there, but I need Zeke to come because I can't get her there on my own. So I'm going to call him and when he gets here we'll be on our way. You're going to need to set up a room, but she might need a C-section if the heartbeat gets any slower."

"Okay, I'll set up a room and make sure an operating room is free. I'll meet you in the waiting room when you get here."

"Okay."

I hang up and call Zeke.

"Tris, what's the matter? Is everything okay?"

"Zeke, Shauna's in labour, and the baby's heartbeat is slower than it's meant to be. I need you to come to the apartment and help me get her to the infirmary."

"I'm on my way." I hear the panic in his voice.

He hangs up and I wait with Shauna.

Shauna gets another contraction and she grabs my hand, crying through the pain.

"It's too early."

"I know, but everything's going to be okay, I promise."

"Is my baby going to die?"

"No, I'm not going to let that happen to you, okay? You don't deserve to go through that as well."

"You don't deserve it either, Tris."

"Let's not talk about me right now, okay?"

She just nods.

Zeke gets here in five minutes and rushes up the stairs. He looks shocked when he sees the ultrasound equipment. But when Shauna calls his name he looks scared as he picks her up, bridal style and we rush to the infirmary.

Hana meets us in the waiting room and shows us to the room she has prepared. Zeke lays Shauna gently on the bed and Hana checks her over to find she is two centimetres dilated and the baby's heartbeat is still a lot slow than it's meant to be.

"Mummy, is my baby going to be okay?" Zeke asks, crying. I've never seen him cry as much as he is in this moment. I've never seen him as scared as this either.

"I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure your son is the healthiest baby in Dauntless." Hana promises him. She also looks scared, but I can tell she is trying to hide most of it from them.

Shauna gets another contraction and cries out in pain, squeezing Zeke's hand as she does.

When the contraction is over Hana puts a monitor on Shauna's stomach so she can measure the baby's heartbeat.

Everything is rushed around me, Hana's running around, trying to help the two of them, Shauna's sobbing and crying and screaming, Zeke's crying. I'm just standing there, panicking. Scared for my friends. Not knowing what else to do.

"Tris!" Someone shouts my name and I look at them to find Hana in front of me, looking worried. "Are you okay, Tris?" I just look at her, blankly. "Why don't you go and sit in the waiting room? Breathe. Okay. Calm down."

I nod and leave the room, slowly.

I sit on a chair in the waiting room and call Tobias.

"Tris, are you okay? Please tell me you're okay."

"Shauna's in labour. I'm in the infirmary. Can you come?"

"Yeah, I'm coming. Stay calm."

I hang up, hoping that my friends' baby is okay.

 **Hey Ravens, sorry for the wait. My exams start tomorrow, though, thankfully, all of mine are in the space of two weeks so soon I will be able to update more frequently.**

 **I will update when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	33. Their baby is born

Love Goes On

Chapter 33: Their baby is born

Tobias' rushes into the room and looks for me, his eyes darting this way and that. When he spots me he runs over and sits in the chair next to me. Looking worried.

"Are you okay? What happened?" He asks kindly.

"We were watching a movie and she felt a contraction, thinking it was a Braxton hick. She told me they had been getting more painful and closer together so I thought I'd check if everything was okay. I took her to our room and gave her an ultrasound but her cervix had started opening, and the baby's heartbeat is slower than it's meant to be. Like a lot slower. So I called Hana and Zeke. But I'm scared. They don't deserve to lose a baby too, Tobias."

"And they won't. That baby is Dauntless through and through. Their baby will be fine, I promise. Just try and remain calm okay, for our baby." He places a hand on my belly and wraps his other arm around my shoulders, pulling me gently into his chest. "Everything's going to be okay." He whispers to me.

We wait for an hour before Zeke comes out, crying. He sits in the chair next to us and just cries into his hands as his elbows rest on his knees.

"Zeke, what's going on?" Tobias asks.

"They're taking her for an emergency C-section. The baby's heartbeat is too slow and she's bleeding. I can't go in there with her. They won't let me. I'm so scared. I don't know what I'd do if I lost Shauna or the baby, or both."

"You won't lose them, Zeke. They're Dauntless. They're going to fight." Tobias says, trying to comfort his best friend.

"How did you do this? When Tris had the miscarriage? How did you get through it?"

"I didn't. I just knew I had to be strong, for her, because I love her and I knew she needed me. It broke me on the inside but I tried to be strong for her. I mean, I cried. But I tried not to cry as much as I felt like crying, so I could be there for her. Just make sure you're there for Shauna, and for your baby. Because your baby isn't dead."

I feel one of Tobias' tears land on my cheek and I feel like crying myself. Tears fill my eyes and I let them fall, silently.

"Why was there an ultrasound machine in your room, by the way?" Zeke questions, looking at me. It is then that he notices Tobias' hand on my small bump, the way it was an hour ago, he still holds me as well. "You're pregnant?"

"I thought you already knew that since you've been thinking it since the baby shower." I whisper.

"Yeah. But now we know. I hope it works out for you guys this time, you don't deserve to lose another baby. You didn't deserve to lose the last one either."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

"How far along are you?"

"Twelve weeks." Tobias answers.

Zeke just nods in response. Not knowing what else to do.

We spend the next hour waiting in silence, hoping and praying that everything is okay.

That is when Hana walks into the room and looks at us. She comes over and Zeke looks up at her with pleading eyes. Hoping that his wife and child are okay.

"Mummy, are they okay?"

"Shauna's fine. She's still sleeping and she's being given some blood since she lost quite a bit. She's also being given some morphine so she isn't in pain when she wakes up. She's going to need to rest for the next few weeks so her scar heals. But she's going to be okay."

"And my son?"

"Your son… He has an infection, which is why he was born early, and why his heartbeat is slow. We're helping him to breathe by giving him oxygen, and we're giving him nutrients and a medicine for the infection as well. He's tiny, and he's going to need to be left in an incubator until he can breathe on his own, the infection is gone and he is at a healthy weight. That could take weeks, even months. But we will do everything we can to make sure he's okay. We do, however, need you and Shauna to fill out the birth certificate, I'll bring it to you this evening."

He nods, tears still flowing from his eyes.

"Can I see them?" Zeke asks, desperate.

"You can see Shauna, but you won't be able to see the baby until tomorrow."

He nods and stands, hugging his mum, she hugs him too. Then he leaves, heading to Shauna's room. Hana stays though.

"Are you okay, Tris?" Hana asks.

"Yeah. Just worried."

"Why don't you guys head home, get some rest? It's been a stressful few hours."

I nod and Tobias stands up, holding out his hands and helping me up.

We walk back to the apartment, hand in hand, in silence. Not really knowing what to say.

When we arrive back I sit on the large sofa and Tobias sits next to me, pulling me gently into his embrace. I move so that my legs are over his and I am cuddling into his side.

We stay there, in silence, for a while. Not knowing what to say or do. Just hoping that our friends, and their baby, are going to be okay.

 **Hiya, so I have two more exams to go then I will be done and will be able to update a lot more than I am currently doing, hopefully.**

 **Anyways, I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	34. Telling everyone else

Love Goes On

Chapter 34: Telling everyone else

There have been one hundred and thirteen weeks since Caleb died and the war ended. One hundred and thirty-seven weeks since my parents died and the war started. One hundred and forty-four weeks since I chose Dauntless. One hundred and ten weeks since Christina got pregnant. One hundred and seven weeks since my mental breakdown. Eighty-eight weeks since I got engaged to Tobias. Eighty-four weeks since Shauna got unparalysed and engaged to Zeke. Eighty weeks since my fight with Christina. Seventy-five weeks since we made up and she gave birth to her daughter. Seventy weeks since I started babysitting her daughter four times a week, but I don't do that now. Thirty-six weeks since Tobias and I got married. Thirty-five weeks since we came home from our honeymoon. Thirty-two weeks since we found out I was pregnant. Thirty-one weeks since Shauna and Zeke got married. Twenty-seven weeks since I had the miscarriage. Twenty-six weeks since Tobias and I started trying for a baby. Nineteen weeks since Shauna and Zeke announced that they were having a baby. Eleven weeks since they found out they were having a boy. Seven weeks since we found out I'm pregnant again. Six weeks since Shauna's and Zeke's baby shower. One week since Shauna gave birth to their son.

And they're okay, I guess. They're coping. They've barely been spending any time with any of us, they spend all their time with their son, hoping that he will make it through the next few weeks. I don't blame them. Losing a child is the most horrible thing that could possibly happen. I understand that they want to spend this time with him to let him know they are there for him, and so that if they do lose him, at least they know they had time with him.

They have decided to name him after Zeke's and Uriah's dad. Michael Pedrad. I think it's cute. I know that if this baby makes it I would like to name him or her after my family.

I am thirteen weeks pregnant now, and my small bump has continued to grow. Not by much but it is there. I am happy to have made it this far but I am still terrified. Knowing that at any time I could lose them. My nightmares have been getting worse, but Tobias always manages to wake me up from them before anything can happen.

Currently I am sitting on the sofa with my legs crossed and my hands on my bare bump. I am wearing some cropped black leggings and a grey crop top because it's hot. Tobias is in the kitchen making lunch for the two of us.

When I hear him call my name I stand and make my way to the kitchen, sitting at the breakfast table where my pasta in tomato sauce and salad is waiting for me. I dig in, enjoying the food.

"Do you like it?" Tobias asks.

"I love it. Thank you." I reply.

"You're welcome. How are you feeling?"

"Fine. Though I would be better if people didn't keep asking me that."

"I just want to make sure you're okay. Because I love you, and the baby."

"I know. I love you, too. But we're fine. And it's annoying. I will tell you if anything's wrong."

"I know you will. I just want to know if there's anything I can do to make you feel better."

"Stop asking me if I'm okay, or how I'm feeling."

"Fine. But if you don't feel okay, can you tell me?"

"You know I will."

He nods, looking down at his plate of food.

I know this is hard on him too. I know he's scared of losing the baby just as much as I am. I just don't like it when people constantly ask me if I'm okay.

"Why don't we go down to the cafeteria for dinner and tell the others about the baby? I mean, Zeke and Shauna know now. The others should too." I suggest.

He looks at me and smiles, nodding his head.

I smile too.

…

Tobias and I are walking down to the cafeteria, hand in hand. I am wearing one of his jackets over the crop top so no one else can tell I am pregnant.

When we arrive we find the gang sitting at the table, eating and talking. Well, when I say the gang I mean Christina, Uriah who holds their daughter in his arms, Amar, George, Zoe, Hana and Evelyn. Zeke and Shauna are probably eating in their son's room. We walk over to them and sit in two of the empty seats.

"So you finally decided to join us? Where have you two been?" Uriah asks.

"Yeah, we missed you so much. Why haven't you come to sit with us?" Christina whines, wrapping an arm around my shoulders."

"Well, uh, I'm pregnant."

Christina squeals and wraps her arms around me, pulling me tightly into her.

"Christina, be gentle." Tobias warns.

She let's go of me and looks at me apologetically. "Sorry." She says.

"It's fine."

"How far along are you?" Amar asks.

"Thirteen weeks." Tobias replies. Amar nods.

We eat in silence for a little while until Tobias asks Hana how Shauna, Zeke and Michael are doing.

"They're coping. Michael's doing really well for a baby born as early as he was. His infection is getting better. And he's gaining some weight."

"Good." Tobias replies.

It is then that we go back to talking about just random things.

When we're done Tobias and I head back to the apartment, hand in hand.

When we get there we sit on the sofa, cuddling together as he puts something on the TV.

And that is where I fall asleep.

 **Hey Ravens, I am so sorry for the wait. I know I promised more updates but I have been super busy and my laptop keeps messing up so it never lets me update. I promise I will try and fit more updates in though.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	35. All but one

Love Goes On

Chapter 35: All but one

 _I am in a dark room, tied to a hard wooden chair. My large pregnant belly on show as all I wear is some black leggings and a grey crop top._

 _A bright light turns on and I have to blink my eyes a few times to be able to see without the light burning my eyes._

 _A familiar figure stands in front of me._

 _Marcus._

 _He is smiling at me manically._

 _"_ _Hello, Tris." He growls. "How are you feeling?"_

 _"_ _Where am I? Where's Tobias?"_

 _"_ _Where you are doesn't concern you. But, as for Tobias, why don't you take a look?"_

 _He points to his left, but my right, and I look where he is pointing. Tobias lies motionless on the floor, his skin a ghostly white._

 _He isn't breathing._

 _Tears fill my eyes._

 _"_ _No." I whisper._

 _"_ _Oh, yes. I killed him."_

 _"_ _YOU'RE A MONSTER!" I scream, tears streaming down my cheeks._

 _"_ _Oh, I know. And now I just have to wait for you to give birth so you can watch your beloved son die too. Right before I kill you."_

 _It is then that I feel the pain in my stomach. The horrible, burning pain that could only mean one thing. I'm in labour._

 _"_ _I injected you with something to speed up the labour process before you woke up. I injected you about ten hours ago so you should nearly be ready to go." He speaks through my scream._

 _He stalks over to me and undoes my restraints before dragging me to the wall behind where I was sitting. He pushes me onto the floor and chains my hands to the wall so I can't move. He kneels down in front of me and rips off my trousers and panties._

 _"_ _Oh, goody. I can see the head." He cackles._

 _As the contractions go on I try everything I can to not push, but it doesn't work. And soon I hear the wails of my son as Marcus holds him up to face me with an evil grin on his face before he slits my sons throat._

That is the last thing I see before I wake up. Screaming.

Tobias shoots up next to me and wraps his arms around me.

"Shh. It's okay. It wasn't real. You're okay now." He tells me as Evelyn rushes into the room looking worried.

I put my hand on my bump and rub it gently. I am now twenty weeks pregnant. The baby started moving three weeks ago. It scared me at first. But then Hana told me it was just the baby moving and I was okay with it. I should have known what it was since I used to be a midwife, but I am so scared of anything happening to the baby that it just didn't click in my mind.

I am breathing heavily, tears streaming down my cheeks, as Evelyn comes to sit on the bed.

"Are you okay, Tris?" She asks.

I just nod. Waiting for the baby to move so I know that they're alright. Like they always do when I have a nightmare or a panic attack. They move.

Tears fill my eyes as I get more and more scared.

"Is the baby moving?" Tobias asks as he puts his hand on my belly as well.

I can tell he's scared by the sound of his voice. He always is scared when I have a nightmare or a panic attack.

"Mum, can you call Hana please?" Tobias asks Evelyn quietly.

I feel Evelyn get off the bed and hear her leave the room, shutting the door behind her.

Tobias continues to hold me as I cry, both of us still hoping that our baby will start moving.

But I know that probably won't happen when a sharp pain spreads through my belly. I groan as I grab hold of Tobias' hand and I squeeze it through the pain.

He pulls back and looks at me, scared.

"Tris…" He doesn't have the chance to continue what he was going to say because Hana and Evelyn rush into the room.

"Tris, has the baby moved yet?" Hana asks.

I shake my head.

"Are you in pain?"

I nod.

"Are you bleeding?"

I shake my head.

She sets up the ultrasound machine and lifts my top up to show my bump, after I lay back down. She puts the gel on my stomach and places the wand thing on top of it, moving it around my bump gently.

I don't bother looking because I know what the outcome is going to be.

And by the look on Hana's face I know that my baby is dead.

That is when I start sobbing. Due to both the physical pain in my stomach, and the emotional pain in my heart.

Hana shuts off the machine and wipes my belly clean of the gel before taking a bag out from under the bed. She takes out a needle filled with a clear liquid. A clear liquid I know only too well from being a midwife. Evelyn looks like she knows what it is as well, but Tobias doesn't.

"What is that?" He questions through his tears.

"It's going to send Tris into labour. Because of how far along she is she can't miscarry how she would have had she been at twelve weeks or before then. But Erudite have managed to change it so that it only takes about an hour for the baby to be delivered." Hana explained before injecting it into my belly, sending me into more agony than I have ever been before.

I squeeze Tobias' hand as I cry.

"We need to get her in a comfy position." Evelyn says.

Hana nods in agreement. "Tobias hold her forward so that I can sort out the pillows."

Tobias wraps his free arm around my shoulders and gently lifts me up, still letting me squeeze his hand through the pain. I tuck my head into his shirt and l cry into it. He kisses the top of my head and I feel one of his tears land on my ear.

When Hana is done Tobias gently lays me onto the mountain of pillows, but his hand doesn't let go of mine.

I keep crying as my waters break, even though it's not just my waters, it's blood as well. I keep crying with each and every contraction that hits me. I keep crying with every push and scream that comes out of my mouth.

I keep crying as Hana cuts the cord, wraps up my baby's tiny lifeless body and tells us it's a boy.

I keep crying as Tobias holds our son in his arms.

I let one more tear leave my eyes as my body weakens and my eyes shut.

…

Black.

That is all I see for about a second before blinding white light shocks me. I blink my eyes a few times and then I see some people I never expected to see.

My dad.

Caleb.

Will.

Al.

Marlene.

Lynn.

Tori.

Two fully grown babies both wrapped in white blankets, one in Caleb's arms and one in my dad's.

"Dad?" I ask.

They all wear white.

"Hello, Beatrice." He says, wearing a small smile.

"Am I dead?"

"No, we wanted to see you because you're losing hope." He tells me. "These are your children by the way. The first one you lost was a girl. And here's the boy you just delivered."

I walk closer to my brother and father and look into the blankets to see my children. My beautiful boy and girl.

"When babies die and go to heaven they become fully grown babies, no matter when they were lost." He explains.

"You can hold them if you want." Caleb tells me.

I gladly, but gently take my children out of their arms and I sit on the floor with them still in my arms.

The girl looks more like Tobias. His eyes, nose and lips. But my hair. The boy looks more like me. My eyes, nose and lips. But Tobias' hair.

Tears fill my eyes as I continue to look at them.

They all sit, scattered in front of me.

"You will have children one day, Beatrice." Dad tells me.

I look at him, shocked.

"It doesn't feel like I will."

"I know. But you will."

"How do you know?"

"We've seen it." Will says.

I look at him, guilt and sadness filling me.

"What do you mean you've seen it?"

"We can see the future. We've seen you have children." Caleb says.

"Children? You mean, I have more than one."

My dad nods at me.

"When?"

"We can't tell you that. We just wanted you to believe that you will have children one day. We don't want you to lose hope."

I smile slightly and look back down at my children.

It is then that I realise someone is missing.

Everyone that I care about who have died is right here.

All but one.

"Where's mum?" I ask my dad, looking back at them.

"She's not dead."

 **Hey Ravens, sorry for the wait. I have been really busy. And my laptop keeps messing up but I will try and update more often. I promise.**

 **Thought I'd leave you on a bit of a cliffy.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	36. We have to find her

Love Goes On

Chapter 36: We have to find her

 _"_ _She's not dead."_ Caleb tells me.

I sit there in shock for a few minutes.

"What do you mean 'she's not dead'?"

"She isn't dead, Beatrice. If she was she'd be here." Dad says.

"B-but… I saw her die."

"You saw her get shot. When you had left the scene A van from the Bureau came and put her in it. They managed to save her. But she is currently there… being imprisoned by David who hasn't lost his memory because he took the antidote. He's just given up on you and is torturing her. Because she is the actual strongest Divergent there is. She has aptitude for all five Factions, you have aptitude for three because I'm not Divergent, so it made two of the Factions slip away. But David is planning something. I don't know exactly what it is… but you need to stop him. And you need to save your mother." Dad explains.

Tears fill my eyes.

"What is he doing to her?"

"Testing serums on her, beating her, and some other stuff I'd rather not say." Caleb says, his and dad's eyes are also filled with tears.

"Do you know exactly where in the Bureau she is?"

"She's in one of the underground cells. I don't know exactly which one though." I just nod.

I look back down at my babies and one of my tears drip onto my sons' cheek.

"Why can't you tell me when I'm going to have a child?"

"Because you're not allowed to know too much about your own future. I just wanted to give you some hope. I don't like seeing you hurt, broken. I want you to believe in yourself. I want you to know that you are going to be a mother one day. I love you, Beatrice."

"I love you, too, daddy." I say, smiling sadly at him. "Can you tell me if it's going to be soon?"

He shakes his head, smiling sadly also.

"Does that mean it isn't going to be soon or that you can't tell me?"

"I can't tell you. But have faith."

"Am I going to lose any more children?"

"I can't tell you that, either."

"Is that because you don't want to hurt me, or because you can't?"

"Both."

I take it that means I do lose more children.

"I'm sorry you all had to die." I say, looking at all of them.

"We know, Tris. But it isn't your fault." Will says and I look at him with a pained look on my face.

"I shot you."

"You had no other choice."

I look back down at my beautiful children who never lived to see the light of day.

"You should probably wake up before Tobias worries too much." Dad says.

"Will I see you again?" I ask.

"One day. When you're old and grey, and have had an amazing life." I nod, looking back down at my angels in my arms.

"How do I wake up?"

"Just close your eyes."

I nod again.

I kiss my children on the forehead and give my son to Caleb and my daughter to my dad. I hug them all, telling them I love them.

And then I close my eyes.

…

I blink my eyes open to find myself back in my bedroom. Tobias is with me, sitting next to me in the bed, his back against the headboard. In his arms lie the tiny bundle that is our dead son. He's crying as he speaks to him.

"… Your mother is the most amazing woman I have ever met. She's beautiful, brave, selfless, honest, kind and intelligent. I love her with all of my heart. I love you with all my heart too, and so does your mum. I'm sorry you had to die. I'm sorry I didn't wake your mum up from her nightmare. Then, maybe, you would still be in her belly…"

"It's not your fault, Tobias." I whisper.

He looks at me and smiles slightly when he sees I'm awake.

I am still on my mountain of pillows but I sit up more so that my back also slightly rests on the headboard. My stomach still sore. I realise I am wearing different clothes now and the sheets have been changed, the blanket now covering my legs, but I don't mind.

"Do you want to hold him?" Tobias asks.

I nod and he carefully places our son in my arms. As soon as I see his tiny, blue, lifeless body I start to cry also. He looks so different in this world.

I tell Tobias about what happened when I was asleep and he was shocked at first but then I told him that we would have children one day and he smiled.

"I told you we would." I just nod.

I told him about my mum being alive and held captive in the Bureau also.

"We have to save her, Tobias. Before we start trying again."

"We will. I promise. We'll get some people together as soon as you have recovered and we'll go get her."

"Thank you. I love you, Tobias."

"I love you, too. And our children."

I look back at our son and decide we should name him, and I tell Tobias so.

"What do you want to name him?"

"Gabriel. After the angel, because he is our angel."

"Gabriel Eaton. I like it."

"We should name our daughter as well. I know she isn't here, but she deserves a name."

"How about Angel?"

"Angel Eaton. I love it."

I start sobbing and Tobias takes me and our son in his arms, crying with me, but comforting me also.

I just want to know when we are going to have our children. And when we are going to rescue my mum so that she can be with me.

…

Hana's POV:

I hear sobbing from upstairs and I know Tris is awake. Evelyn and I have been sat on the sofa in the living room since we changed the bedding whilst Tobias bathed Tris. We decided to leave them alone with their son. We're both crying.

"Uh, do you want me to tell the others what has happened? They probably won't feel up to it. And they should know so they don't come and disturb them just yet." I ask and Evelyn nods. "Okay. Call me when they have made up their minds on what they want to do with him." She nods again and I leave the apartment.

I walk to Zeke's and Shauna's apartment, still crying. I knock on the door and soon a tired looking Zeke opens it. He's wide awake and alert when he sees my tears though.

"Mum, what's wrong?"

"Don't worry just yet. Can I come in? And can you call everyone except Tris, Four and Evelyn, and tell them to come here, please.

He nods and lets me in. I sit on the sofa whilst he goes and gets Shauna and calls the others. Shauna comes into the room and sits next to me.

"Is everything alright, Hana?"

"No, but I will explain when everyone else gets here."

She nods and we sit in silence.

Soon everyone is here. When I say everyone I mean Zeke, Shauna, Uriah, Christina, Marlene (who is asleep on Christina's lap), Amar, George, Zoe, Matthew, and Cara.

"Mum, what's going on? Why are you crying? Where is Four, Tris and Evelyn?" Uriah asks.

"Uh, Tris has had a late miscarriage. She gave birth to their son a couple of hours ago. They are with him now. I thought I would tell you because I don't know if they would be able to handle it. I think you should leave them alone for the next few days so they have time to grieve." When I am done I see that everyone is crying now.

We sit there for hours, grieving the loss of our friends' son. The loss none of them deserved.

My phone rings and I see that it is Evelyn calling. I press the answer button and press the phone to my ear.

"Evelyn."

"Uh, they've decided they want to bury him." I can tell she is still crying, too.

"Okay. I will be there in a bit."

I hang up and stand.

"Are they okay?" Christina asks, concerned for her friends.

"I don't know. I'll keep you updated."

They nod and I leave, making my way back to their apartment.

Still crying.

 **Hiya. I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry for the wait but I have been super busy and haven't been feeling that good recently.**

 **I am sorry to say that I will be getting rid of two of my fanfics that need updating (Escape to Love and Real Love) because I have major writers' block on those stories and am not feeling it any more. I also want to get started on some other fanfics and will have a lot more time to do so if I got rid of a couple. I am going to start on some Harry Potter ones soon because I have a load of ideas that I need to get down onto paper, metaphorically speaking anyway. But don't worry, I will continue with this story and Reality. I will consider putting the other two back up if I get over my writers' block and think of something to write for them, but for now I have nothing. I have put a poll up to see what Harry Potter fanfic you want me to start on first and I will get started on it as soon as I have enough votes on it.**

 **Thank you for reading. I will update soon, I promise.**

 **Please review, and vote on the poll.**


	37. Saving Natalie

Love Goes On

Chapter 37: Saving Natalie

I spend the week healing, both emotionally and physically. Two days after the miscarriage is when our friends come around to try and console us. I tell them about my mum still being alive and we make a plan to go and save her. My bump had also disappeared by that point, when I woke up and it was no longer there I couldn't help but cry. Christina also cried when she saw me, pulling me into a sisterly hug.

But now it has been seven days since I lost our second child and I am healed, physically at least. I'm sure I won't be healed mentally/emotionally for a while. But hopefully I will have my mum back soon, she will be able to help me. She will be able to comfort me the way that she used to when I was a child and I was ill, or hurt, or had a nightmare. She will be able to help me get through life. I just hope she isn't too hurt.

Today is the day that we are going to head back to the Bureau, all of us dreading it. Me most of all. After losing my brother there, and now finding out that my mum is there, being tortured by David. We spend the early hours of the morning making sure we have our weapons and bags filled with food, bottles of water, spare clothes and medical supplies. Marlene and Michael (who was released from the hospital yesterday after recovering from his infection and being able to breathe for a day on his own, as well as putting on enough weight to be considered healthy enough to go home) will be staying in mine and Tobias' apartment with Evelyn and Shauna whilst we are away.

At eight myself, Tobias, Christina, Uriah, Zeke, Amar, George, Zoe and Hana make our ways to the trucks waiting outside of Dauntless for us. Tobias, myself, Christina, Uriah and Zeke get into one, with Tobias in the drivers' seat. Amar, George, Zoe and Hana get in the other, with Amar driving. And we go.

It takes us a few hours but soon we are approaching the place we left one hundred and twenty-one weeks ago. Amar heads to the gates first in his truck, saying that we are with him, and surprisingly they let us in.

When we stop outside the building we all make sure our weapons are concealed and Tobias asks if I am okay.

"Yeah, I'm just worried about my mum."

"We'll get her out of there, I promise. Then we can go home again."

I nod and we climb out of the truck, the others join us and we head inside.

When we get in it is eerily quiet. No one is around, all probably doing their work. Amar, George and Zoe lead us to the basement, where they know David is likely to keep his own personal prisoners.

We walk down the stairs and see that a door is open down on the right side of the hall. Light seeps through the open door. We can hear David's voice.

"Come on, Natalie. Just love me. If you do, I won't have to hurt you anymore."

"Piss off! I could never love you. I love Andrew."

"Andrew's dead! What have I told you about being rude to me?"

There's a crack of a whip and my mum cries out in pain. Tears fill my eyes as we reach the door and I see the state of the room.

Just as David is about to hit her again Tobias takes out his gun and shoots his arm, causing him to drop the whip and scream. He turns, glaring at us even more when he sees who we are.

"What the hell are you lot doing here?" He screams, angry.

I ignore him and rush over to my mum who is crying, in a heap, on the floor. She is covered in blood, scars and bruises. The room is covered in blood, as well as other things. All she's wearing is a thin white dress which is in ruins.

I kneel next to her and she looks at me, shocked but happy to see me, still crying.

"Beatrice?"

"Mummy." I whisper, also crying. "It's okay, I'll get you out of here."

Hana comes over as the boys and Christina sort out David.

"Nat, what hurts?" Hana asks her friend. She told me her and my mum were friends when mum was in Dauntless.

"Hana, is that you?"

"Yeah, I'm here. I'll help you. What hurts?"

"Everything."

"Okay, everything is going to be okay."

I hear another gun shot, the first thing I have heard from the others since my focus was on my mum. I look up and see David on the floor, unmoving. Then they all rush over.

"We should get her to the trucks, you can heal her on the way home." Tobias says.

"I'll carry her. Sorry Natalie, but this is going to hurt." Amar says, looking apologetic.

"It's okay. Just get me out of here. Please." she begs.

Amar nods and as gently as he can he rolls her onto her back, causing her to scream in pain, and again when he picks her up.

We move as fast as we can back out to the trucks, Amar sits her in the truck Tobias drove on the way here and Hana and I climb in to sit next to her. Tobias gets in the drivers' seat and everyone else goes to the other truck as Hana starts working on healing her as I hold her hand. Tobias drives carefully so as not to cause her much more pain.

"Beatrice, I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too. I'm sorry I didn't know you were alive sooner."

"It's okay. I didn't expect you ever to come. How did you find out, anyway?"

"Uh…" I trail off, not sure if I really want to share this story just yet.

"You should tell her, Tris." Hana says as she continues to clean the blood from her friends' back.

"I know." I gulp as more tears fill my eyes.

"Beatrice, honey, what happened? What have I missed in your life? I want to know everything."

"Well, Tobias and I got married forty-four weeks ago."

She looks more upset now. "I missed your wedding." She whispers to herself. "What other significant things have I missed?"

"I, uh, have severe PTSD. Because of the war. I used to be a midwife, before I got married, but I had a mental breakdown and the majority of the other midwives deemed me unsuitable to continue. Because of how severe it is any child I get pregnant with only has a twenty percent chance of surviving the pregnancy. I get a lot of nightmares, flashbacks, and have panic attacks. It adds a lot more stress. I've had two miscarriages already. The last one was a week ago, I was twenty weeks pregnant when it happened, with a boy. I had a nightmare and… well after delivering the baby I fell asleep and I saw dad, and Caleb, and some of my friends that died in the war, as well as my babies. But I didn't see you. They told me that you were still alive and that you were in the Bureau being tortured by David. We had to wait until I was healed physically though before we could come and get you, because I wanted to come as well." I'm crying harder than I was by the end of the story.

"Oh, baby. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you."

"It's not your fault. But you're here now. You can help me now. And I will help you. We can be a family again. You can live with Tobias and I for a while. We have plenty of room in our apartment. He is one of the leaders of Dauntless, so we have a big apartment, with many spare bedrooms that aren't being used yet."

By this point Hana had cleaned the blood off her back and had placed a bandage over it, that being the only thing she can do until we get back to Dauntless. She injected her with pain relieving serum and wrapped a blanket around her to keep her warm in her thin dress that was filled with holes and only went to her knees.

"I'm sorry you have had to go through all of that." Mum says, tears still rolling down her cheeks, though not from physical pain anymore. "I'm sorry you've suffered through so much pain."

"You don't have to be sorry, mum. I'll be okay. Especially now that I have you with me as well. I'm sorry you've had to suffer so much pain as well."

"Natalie, I need to know everything David has done to you these past few years."

Mum looks scared, really scared.

"Mum, it's okay. He can't hurt you anymore. He's dead. Just tell us what he has done to you so that we can help you."

"Natalie, we won't tell anyone else what he's done. We promise." Tobias can't hear what we're saying because there is a wall between the front seats and the back of the truck.

"O-okay. He hits me with his whip a lot. And he burns me. And punches and kicks me. He's broken a few bones that I'm sure haven't mended properly. He tested many serums on me, because I'm the strongest Divergent, he wanted to make serums that no one could break free from. He barely gave me anything to eat or drink. H-he…"

"He what?" Hana asks, carefully, seeing that mum was struggling.

"H-he r-r-r-raped m-me, m-multiple times." I gasp, so does Hana.

"What serums has he tested on you?"

"T-torture serum, control serum, truth serum, fear simulation serum, m-miscarriage serum…" Again we gasp.

"When were you pregnant?" I ask quietly.

"Multiple times. T-the first was when I was c-captured. I was p-pregnant when the war s-started. H-he kept the b-baby alive until I recovered, t-then he tested the serum. I-it was too strong f-for me to stop it. H-he has gotten me p-pregnant a few times t-too. E-every time he uses the s-serum."

That bastard. How dare he do this to her. How dare he put her through this much pain.

"Are there any other serums he has used on you?" Hana asks, wanting to change the subject, also angry at the man who has hurt her friend.

Mum just shakes her head and looks down at her lap.

I pull her gently into my embrace, crying because of how badly my mum has been hurt.

"I'm sorry, I should have gone to you after you were shot. I should have saved you myself. Then this wouldn't have happened, and dad might still be alive, and you would have had your baby."

"Beatrice, it isn't your fault. You had to keep going or you would have died. You had to stop the simulation. Don't apologise. You have nothing to apologise for. At least I still have you. You will always be my baby. I won't leave you again, I promise. I will be right by your side, through everything." Mum tells me as she wraps her arms and the blanket around me as well.

"I love you, mummy."

"I love you, too, Beatrice."

It is then that we start slowing down and eventually come to a stop. Soon Tobias opens the door at the back of the truck and he picks up my mum, carrying her to the infirmary with all of us following him. Hana leads us to a spare room where Tobias puts my mum on the bed before leaving with the rest of the gang, Hana allowed me to stay in the room.

"I'm going to put you to sleep Natalie, okay. That way I can start mending you without you being in pain." Hana tells her and she nods in response.

I hold her hand as Hana injects her with a sleeping serum and gets to work, getting all the equipment she would need, etc.

This was going to be a long few hours.

 **Hey Ravens, hope you enjoyed the chapter.**

 **I am so sorry for the wait, I know I keep promising regular-ish updates but then I get loads of college work and whatever to do. Honestly, the amount of homework I have is ridiculous. And I have to think of things to do for my media coursework. I have driving lessons as well. And life has just been busy in general really. Over summer I didn't really have any plans but then suddenly I had loads of them, so as much as I wanted to write I barely had the time. And I wanted to start a Harry Potter fanfic as well, which I have started. I wanted to do a few chapters of that before updating but that took time as well. And I've had loads of hospital appointments, and been in loads of pain with various parts of my body, my arm messed up the other day and so did my ankles, they're getting better though.**

 **I will update again when I can, this is by far not the end of this story, don't worry. It's not going to end just yet, there is loads more I want to do with it, like finally give Four and Tris a child, though I can't say when that is going to happen just yet. Maybe you could tell me when you want them to have a child in your reviews. You never know, I might just do your suggestions.**

 **Anyway, I will update again asap. Please review.**


	38. Recovery

Love Goes On

Chapter 38: Recovery

It took Hana four hours to help my mum. In those four hours, she stitched up all the welts on my mum's back, put some healing cream on them to try and heal them as well as she could, re-bandaged them, put a bruise balm on all the bruises, put a burn balm on the burns, disinfected, stitched and bandaged all the other small cuts, and attached her to several drips. Those drips were for nutrients, pain reliever serum, and blood because she had lost so much of it and was rather pale. She also examined my mum's uterus, with all the miscarriage serums, which were all stronger than the typical miscarriage/abortion serums, there was a chance that it was damaged. And it was. My mum won't be able to have any more children, if she wanted to anyway. If she did get pregnant then it was very likely the pregnancy wouldn't last. She also examined some of her other organs, etc. to see if they had been affected by the amount of serums, or the beatings that my mum was subjected to. They were okay, by the looks of it anyway.

And then she was done. Now it is just my mum and myself in the room, but she's still sleeping. I am still sitting in the chair beside her bed, holding her hand. Watching her pale, skinny form sleep. Listening to the beeping of the heart monitor Hana also attached her to, telling me that she is alive. She is here. with me.

I don't know how long I'm sitting there, holding her hand in the relative silence, for. But eventually she starts to stir. Then her eyes open and she finds me. She smiles gently at me. And I smile gently at her.

"Beatrice." She whispers.

"Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Better. How are you feeling?"

"I'm not the one in the hospital bed. I'm fine. Glad to have you back with me."

"I'm glad to be back. I'm sorry I've missed so much of your life." She says as tears fill her eyes.

"Mum, it's not your fault. I should have gone to you after you were shot. I should have helped you. Then maybe things would have been better."

"It's not your fault either, Beatrice. What happened, during the war I mean?"

"Well, after you were shot… I killed one of my best friends because he was going to kill me. I found dad and Caleb in the safe house. We went to Dauntless with Marcus to stop the simulation. Dad was shot on the way to the control room. I had to fight my boyfriend because he was under the simulation, but he remembered me before he was meant to kill me. We stopped the simulation and went to Amity because the leaders of Dauntless and Erudite were after us. We spent some time in Amity, working to earn our sanctuary, but the Dauntless leaders found us there so we had to run. We then ended up in the Factionless headquarters with Tobias' mother, who is actually alive, she just ran away from Marcus, faking her death, because he was abusive. Though that led to him abusing Tobias. Then we went to Candor where our friends and the loyal Dauntless were. My best friend hated me for a while because I killed her boyfriend, he was the best friend I killed after you were shot. But they found us there too after injecting everyone with a simulation serum which they can control so that only certain people are under the simulation at a time. Then we went back to Dauntless after we killed Eric, one of the Dauntless leaders which we managed to capture. But Jeanine used the simulation serum to get three people up on the roof, my best friend had forgiven me by that point and we found them. They said that if I wasn't handed over to Erudite then this would happen every night. We saved two of them, but our friend Marlene died from jumping off the roof in the simulation. After that I went to Erudite, on my own. Caleb was working for Jeanine, he left us when we were going to Candor. In Erudite they tested a bunch of fear serums on me, but none of them worked and Jeanine got angry. She tried to kill me but Peter, who was in initiation with me, switched the death serum for paralysis serum, so it looked like I was dead but I wasn't. Tobias had come to Erudite by that point, handing himself in too because he didn't want to lose me. Peter took me to Tobias and he helped us get out. We then went to Abnegation, where our friends were waiting. We planned to storm Erudite and show the video of Edith Prior to the world, because we knew that was what Abnegation wanted to do but Erudite stole the video. It worked, Jeanine was killed and we showed the video. My friends were dying along the way, and one of my friends got paralysed, but she's okay now, one of our Erudite friends created a serum to reverse paralysis. Then we went to the Bureau, we didn't know you were there, though. When we were there we found out the David was planning on dropping memory serum on Chicago. To stop him Caleb went into the weapons lab to spread memory serum throughout the Bureau, though we were given the serum that allows it not to affect us. That is when Caleb died. We thought it had worked on everyone. We didn't know David still remembered. We came back to the city and tried to get on with our lives. You know pretty much everything else."

"You've been through so much. You're so young."

"Not so young anymore, mum. I'm nineteen. But I feel older than that."

"You didn't deserve to go through all of that. You're so brave."

"I don't feel brave when I'm having a nightmare, or a panic attack, or at all really. But you didn't deserve to go through all that you did either, you're brave too."

"What is the city like now?"

"Well, there's still Factions, and initiation and all that. But we're allowed to integrate more. We can go to other Factions to visit family and whatnot. We aren't bound by 'Faction before blood' anymore. It's nice."

"It sounds nice."

"Tobias is getting a room in our apartment ready for you. For when you're out of here. You can stay with us for as long as you want. And he's buying you some clothes and shoes as well, since you have nothing to wear."

"That sounds great. That way we can catch up. And I can get to know my daughter again. But he doesn't have to buy me anything."

"He's a leader, it's fine. We have the points. Well, he has the points since I no longer earn anything. But he doesn't mind. We have enough. And Hana is going with him so that she can show him stuff you might like, and she knows your size, I told her since you're the same size as me. Though, because of how skinny you are you might need a size lower for now."

"You have a good man."

"I know. He's amazing. He treats me so well, and he's always there for me when I need him."

"That's good. At least I know someone has been taking care of my daughter for me."

I smile. "Hana's been great as well. So have my friends. You can meet them some time."

"That sounds great." She says before yawning.

"Get some sleep. I'll still be here when you wake up again."

"So long as you get some rest yourself."

"I will. Goodnight, mum. I love you."

"Goodnight, Beatrice. I love you, too."

Then she's asleep, and it's not long before I'm asleep as well.

 **Hiya, sorry for the wait again.**

 **Just to let you know, I have a blog now. If you want to check it out then the link is in my bio on my page, just copy and paste it into the search bar. It isn't that great at the moment since I'm still working out how to do things and whatnot, and there is also only one blog post so far, but I will post another one soon. But it will get better, I promise.**

 **I have also been thinking of turning Love at Divergent High into an original story by changing the title and most of the names, etc. and putting it onto Kobo as an eBook because I need the money. I do have a short story on there by the way, if you're interested, information about that is in my bio. But until my original novel is finished, which will be a while from now because I am super busy, I won't have anything else to sell, so I thought of this idea last night. Would you guys be interested if I were to do that. It will be fully edited, so there won't be any mistakes or whatever, and it will be like reading an original story, though it will be the same basic plot as Love at Divergent High.**

 **Anyhow, let me know what you think of that idea in your review.**

 **I will update again when I can.**


	39. Healing

Love Goes On

Chapter 39: Healing

There have been one hundred and thirty-three weeks since Caleb died and the war ended. One hundred and fifty-seven weeks since my parents died and the war started. One hundred and sixty-four weeks since I chose Dauntless. One hundred and thirty weeks since Christina got pregnant. One hundred and twenty-seven weeks since my mental breakdown. One hundred and eight weeks since I got engaged to Tobias. One hundred and four weeks since Shauna got unparalysed and engaged to Zeke. One hundred weeks since my fight with Christina. Ninety-five weeks since we made up and she gave birth to her daughter. Ninety weeks since I started babysitting her daughter four times a week, but I don't do that now. Fifty-six weeks since Tobias and I got married. Fifty-five weeks since we came home from our honeymoon. Fifty-two weeks since we found out I was pregnant for the first time. Fifty-one weeks since Shauna and Zeke got married. Forty-seven weeks since I had the first miscarriage. Forty-six weeks since Tobias and I started trying for a baby. Thirty-nine weeks since Shauna and Zeke announced that they were having a baby. Thirty-one weeks since they found out they were having a boy. Twenty-seven weeks since we found out I was pregnant again. Twenty-six weeks since Shauna's and Zeke's baby shower. Twenty-one week since Shauna gave birth to their son. Thirteen weeks since my last miscarriage. Twelve weeks since we saved my mum from the Bureau. Ten weeks since she moved in with Tobias and I.

And she's on the mend. She's healing well. Though, Hana has diagnosed her with severe PTSD. She's had quite a few nightmares since we saved her. I've been trying to help her, since she had been living with us anyway. But I still get nightmares as well, and she helps me when she can.

The first time she came into our room and saw the oxygen tank and mask, and the equipment Hana left in here from the pregnancy just in case I get pregnant again, she was shocked. Then I explained to her my symptoms and why I needed those things and she understood. But she looked sad that I had to go through that. That I still am going through that. She keeps apologising for not being there for me, no matter how many times I tell her that she doesn't have to apologise. That I'm okay, that I will be okay.

It is good to have some company when Tobias is at work, though. He has had quite a few meetings recently and it's nice to know that she is there for me in those times. It is nice to be able to be around her and talk to her again. She comforts me when I need comforting, the way she did when I was a little girl, and I comfort her too, as best as I can.

When she first saw me have a panic attack she was scared. She didn't know what was happening. Thankfully Tobias was with us at the time and he showed her what to do if, and when, it happened if her and I were alone at any time. She was crying as she tried to comfort me. I had a panic attack because she had been talking about Caleb, and as she did all I could see was him walking away from me to go to the weapons' lab. She blames herself for it, but I keep telling her it wasn't her fault. It wasn't, she didn't know that whenever I think of him all I see is that moment. Well, that moment or the ones where he was betraying me.

For our one year wedding anniversary Tobias took me to the Ferris Wheel. We ate a beautiful dinner underneath the large structure, in the candle and star light. He also brought me a silver bracelet with an infinity symbol charm that is embedded with black, blue and silver diamonds on it. I brought him a watch, it wasn't as good as his present for me but he loved it nonetheless.

We haven't started trying for a baby yet. We decided to wait for a while because we wanted my mum to settle in first, we figured we'd spend some time helping her before trying. That and I wasn't ready to try again, last time was particularly hard and I'm not ready to go through something like that again. That bit I haven't told him but I assume he knew anyway, it was hard on him as well. I mean, watching me give birth to our dead son, then having me go to sleep because of blood loss, and not knowing if I'd wake up because I was asleep for a considerable amount of time.

Right now I am sitting on the sofa with my mum, Tobias is in a meeting with the other leaders at the moment so it is just the two of us.

"So, when are you and Tobias going to try for a baby?" Mum asks me, I look at her, shocked that she would ask that. "Your friends told me that after your first miscarriage you started trying for a baby the week after, but I know for a fact you haven't tried this time and it's been thirteen weeks, I was just wondering whether you were planning on trying any time soon."

"We thought we'd wait for you to settle in, and we wanted to help you before trying." I answer weakly, looking down at my lap.

"Beatrice, I know you want to help me, but I'm okay. I'm going to be okay. You don't need to wait to try for a baby. I know how much you want to, it's written all over yours and Tobias' face. You don't have to wait for me to get better because you know I'm not going to be better for a long time, because you also have severe PTSD. Why are you really waiting?"

"Because I'm scared." I whisper, looking into her eyes for some sense of comfort.

"Why are you scared?"

"I'm scared every time I get pregnant. When I found out I was pregnant the first time I had a panic attack, and Tobias wasn't here, no one was. I texted him saying that I needed him and he found me on the floor in our room, crying and with the oxygen mask on my face. But after what happened last time… I'm not ready to go through that again. I can't give birth to a dead baby again. I know dad told me I would have a baby one day, but who knows when that day is going to be? I can't… I'm not ready." Tears filled my eyes and I let them fall.

"Beatrice, you have every right to be scared, you do. And no one would want to give birth to a dead baby. But how are you going to have a baby one day when you won't even try? I understand that you are scared, but you have everyone here to help you through it. No matter what happens you will have me, and Tobias, and Hana, and your friends. We're all here for you. You never know, the next time you get pregnant might be the time you have your baby. But you won't find out when you will have a baby unless you try, will you? No one would ever be ready for what you have been through, no one would want it, but they get through it and they keep trying. That is what you have to do. I know you're scared, believe me, I know. But you can't let that fear get in the way of what you want. If you want a baby, you try for a baby. And you keep trying until you have one. I know it's scary, I know that you're constantly scared that something is going to happen, every parent is. God, I was terrified that something was going to happen to Caleb, or you, or every other baby I have been pregnant with, and the fear doesn't end after the baby is born, either. I have been scared every second of every day that you or Caleb would get hurt. And it pains me to know that your brother is no longer with us. But I know that you're still here, safe and healthy, and I am here for you. I am scared that you'll keep having miscarriages. But I know that I will be there for you, to help you through everything. And I know that you will be okay, in the end. It is the job of a parent to constantly worry. So, try for a baby. I'll be fine, I want you to try for a baby. I'm going to be here for you through the whole thing, I promise. So just try, okay?" She told me, and I nod, showing her that I understood, that I would try for a baby. "I love you, Beatrice."

"I love you, too."

She wraps her arms around me and holds me for a while.

…

When Tobias arrives home I am alone in the living room. Mum had gone up to her room to rest for a while.

"Where's your mum?" He asks me.

"In bed. She wanted some rest. Dinner is in the oven, is roast chicken okay with you?"

"Of course. What did you do whilst I was gone?"

"We talked."

"About?"

"Tobias, can I ask you something?" I question him nervously.

"You just did, but okay."

"Can we… can we try for a baby?"

He looked shocked, but happy as well.

"Are you sure you're ready to try again? We can wait a bit longer if you want."

"I'm sure I want to try. Unless you aren't ready to try yet?"

"No, I'm ready. I just didn't know if you were. But okay, we'll try, tonight."

"Okay." Then I kiss him. And he kisses me.

And that night we do try for a baby.

 **Hello, again, I am sorry for the wait, but I feel like crap right now and have done for a while.**

 **I have a poll on my page, if you want to go and answer it then that would be great, thank you.**

 **I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	40. Pregnant Again

Love Goes On

Chapter 40: Pregnant Again

Seven weeks later I woke up to my mum shaking my shoulders gently. I blink my eyes open to find her smiling down at me.

"Hey, sweetie. Tobias had to go to work, but breakfast is on the table if you want to come down." She said in a gentle voice.

I sit up and hang my feet over the edge of the bed, but I immediately start to feel vile coming up my throat. I stand and rush to the en-suite, making it to the toilet just in time. Mum rubs soothing circles on my back whilst I puke, and whispers comforting words to me.

When I am done I lean my back against the wall and cross my legs, mum sits in front of me, holding my hand.

"Are you feeling better now?" She asks gently. I just nod, not feeling up to speaking. "Beatrice, sweetie, are you… are you pregnant?"

I look at her, shocked, for a moment, before I remember that Tobias and I started trying for a baby seven weeks ago. Then I remember that I have been feeling nauseous all week. And that I had missed my period, which, at the time I put down to stress because I hadn't remembered that we were trying for a baby at the time. It had taken her a while to get pregnant the last time they tried and she didn't think it would happen so soon.

"I don't know." I mutter as tears fill my eyes from the fear of possibly being pregnant, and then possibly losing the baby. But I don't let the tears fall.

"Okay, sweetie, I'm going to go and call Hana, okay?" I just nod, and she leaves the room.

When she re-enters the room a few minutes later she helps me to stand and flushes the toilet.

"Why don't you get cleaned up? Hana said she'll be here soon."

"Okay."

She leaves the room again and I have a wash to freshen up my breath and my face. I run my brush through my slightly knotted hair, and then I leave the room just as Hana arrives, as signalled by a knock on the door. My mum goes downstairs and answers it, letting her in and leading her up to my bedroom. I am already lying on the bed, on the side closest to the ultrasound machine, by the time they enter the room.

"Good morning, Tris." Hana greets as she starts setting up the ultrasound machine, mum sits next to me on the bed, holding my hand in hers.

"Morning." I reply quietly.

Hana gently rolls up my t-shirt to uncover my belly and she squirts the cool gel on the lower part of it. She then places the monitor over it and starts moving it around. After a few seconds, I chance a look at the screen and I find a small grey blob in the centre of it and I know, straight away, that I am pregnant. Fresh tears fill my eyes as I continue to look at my baby, and this time I let them fall.

"I'd say you're about five weeks along." Hana says, knowing that she didn't have to say anything else because I already knew. "Do you want me to print it out so you can show Tobias?"

I just nod, not trusting my voice at that moment. The fear and the joy filling me up to the brim. Mum squeezes my hand in a comforting gesture as Hana prints off the picture and removes the monitor from my belly. She wipes the gel off my belly and pulls my t-shirt back down before giving me the picture. Mum helps me sit up and I look at the picture of my baby in my hands.

"I'll leave you two to it, then. I will check on your progress twice a week. And I won't tell anyone, I take it you're not telling anyone but Tobias and Evelyn until you're about twelve weeks along, again?" I nod in reply. "Okay. I'll see you soon."

Then she's gone. Mum wraps her arms around me to comfort me.

"Hey, it's okay, sweetie. Everything is going to be okay. I'm here for you, always. I love you, Beatrice."

"I love you, too." I whisper in response.

…

When Tobias arrives home from work he finds me sitting on the sofa, alone. He comes over and sits next to me, placing a kiss on my cheek as he wraps an arm over my shoulder.

"Where's your mum?"

"Sleeping. I, um… I have something to show you." I reply, slightly nervous, though I don't know why I'm nervous.

"Okay."

We stand up and I take his hand in mine, leading him up the stairs and into our room. I pick the small piece of card up off the chest of drawers and I give it to him. He looks at it, shocked for a few seconds, before a huge smile spreads across his face.

"You're pregnant?" He whispers.

"Yes."

He wraps his arms around my waist and kisses me, passionately. My arms go around his neck as tears leave my eyes and I kiss back, just as powerfully. He pulls back when he feels my tears on his cheeks and rests his forehead against mine.

"It's going to be okay, Tris. I'm here for you. I love you, and I love our baby, always."

"I know. We love you, too. I'm just scared."

"I'm scared, too. But you never know, this baby might make it, we could get to hold this baby in our arms and raise it to be the wonderful person he or she has the capability of being." He says as he rests his hand across my stomach, my hand automatically rests over his. "How far along are you?"

"Five weeks."

"It'll be okay, Tris. I'm here for you, always."

"I know."

"And, I don't have any meetings booked for the next week. So, I am going to spend this whole week with you and our unborn child."

"That sounds nice."

"Indeed it does." He says before kissing me again. "I love you, Tris, and our children, more than anything in the world."

"We love you, too, Tobias, more than anything in the world."

 **Hello, sorry for the wait, I have been busy with coursework, and homework, and mock exams, etc. But I would like to wish you all a merry Christmas and a happy new year, just in case I can't update again before then. I will update again when I can.**

 **Please review!**


	41. Epilogue

Love Goes On

Epilogue

It was that third pregnancy that gave Tobias and I our first child. He was born when I was thirty-two weeks pregnant, and he needed some help breathing for a few weeks; and had a slight infection, but he survived. We named him Caleb Andrew Gabriel Eaton and he has my eyes with Tobias' hair. He is smart, honest, brave, kind, and selfless. He is amazing. He is currently ten years old and is the most amazing thing that had ever happened to Tobias and I in that time.

Two years after we had him we started trying for another baby, but, of course, I had a number of miscarriages. I had five miscarriages before our second child was born; a girl we named Sophia Angel Eaton. She has Tobias' eyes and my hair, and she has the same traits as her big brother. She is five years old.

I got pregnant again two years after her birth and, surprisingly, did not have a miscarriage. We had twins that time, a boy and a girl called William Tobias Eaton, and Natalia Evelyn Eaton. They are nearly three years old. They possess all of the traits their siblings do, but they are rather mischievous as well, they love to prank people. And they always do everything together. They are incredibly intelligent and advanced for their age. William is a carbon copy of me, whereas Natalia looks just like her father.

I have had a few more miscarriages since they were born, and am currently pregnant again, twenty weeks along. But I am happy, Tobias is happy, we are all happy. Mum, Evelyn and Hana are the best of friends and are always playing the doting grandmother role to all of our children. All of our friends have families now, and we all spend a lot of time together, supporting each other as any family would, and just have a good time.

We are still healing from the war, but we are happy. And that is all that counts.

 **Hello, I am so sorry for the wait, and the short chapter, but I am sorry to say that this is the end of this story. I have major writers block for this story and I would like to spend some time focussing on Harry Potter fanfictions right now, including the ones I have already started adding on here (which I will update soon, I promise) and others that I have come up with. So, I am taking a back step from the Divergent world for now but I am sure that I will return to it at some point. You may go and read my Harry Potter fanfics though, I will update them soon.**

 **I hope you all liked this story, I am sorry to end it but I didn't know how to continue and I want to focus on the Wizarding world. If you want to read any of my other stories you can find them on my page, and I hope you enjoy whatever you read.**

 **Thank you for reading.**

 **Please review!**


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